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Thu 4 Dec, 2003 11:17 pm
The world has become a place where the strong don't survive, only the attractive do. We separate ourselves from each other not by purpose or creed but by acceptance. Jock, nerd, blonde, partier, religious enthusiast, cutie, hottie, intellectual, moron, punk, authoritarian, JAP, WASP
The distinctions go on and on.
We all feel like we aren't accepted because there is always at least one place where we aren't. Why are we so concerned with feeling accepted by everyone when very few deserve to accept us?
Why do we care what people think about us?
I don't know, why are you so concerned with being accepted?
Re: Social Distinctions
Individual wrote:The world has become a place where the strong don't survive, only the attractive do. We separate ourselves from each other not by purpose or creed but by acceptance. Jock, nerd, blonde, partier, religious enthusiast, cutie, hottie, intellectual, moron, punk, authoritarian, JAP, WASP
The distinctions go on and on.
We all feel like we aren't accepted because there is always at least one place where we aren't. Why are we so concerned with feeling accepted by everyone when very few deserve to accept us?
Why do we care what people think about us?
Sounds like you are the one to answer that last question.
And if you would, could you explain what you meant when you wrote:
Quote:Why are we so concerned with feeling accepted by everyone when very few deserve to accept us?
Perhaps in explaining that, you will get some insights into other things.
The need to be accepted by a group evolved because it is easier for human beings to survive as part of a group, and cohesive groups are more stable. People who have a strong desire to fit in will alter their behavior to sustain the group and in turn will receive approval and support from members of the group.
If your emotional needs are met by belonging to the groups of your choice, you shouldn't feel left out because others don't accept you. Ideally you would have enough self esteem that you would not worry about what anyone else thought of you.
Dividing the world into "us versus them" seems to be hard-wired into human behavior. You know what to expect from members of your own group, but cannot rely on outsiders. Membership in a group gives you rights, privileges, and the expectation of proper treatment by other group members. Membership in as many groups as possible (as long as it is not considered traitorous) should increase your sense of security.
So many groups, so little time.
Jeez - if I have to 'fit-in' to all the categories and groups out there I'll have no time to just BE.
As an incredibly attractive person, I resent the implication that I've had it "easier" in life or that I was somehow "privileged." Please, don't hate me because I'm beautiful -- not when there are so many better reasons for hating me.
Joe
It all depends on what you want to see.
Take a really good look around you, become aware of all the faces and bodies you surrounding you, and you'll see that your wrong.
Attractiveness and your ideas of 'placement' depend on the pedestal you design. You'll find, rarely do two people have the same measurement systems. Looks only matter to those obsessed, most people find other traits far more interesting and find value in them.
Joe - I hate you! You beautiful hot young stud! In order to get over my hate and to stop wishing that you would fall down an open manhole as you stroll along the street, please send me a full-color picture of you nekkid. That's all I want from Santa! Thank you.
I would consider Heeven, if that indeed is her in the avatar, to be one of the most stunningly beautiful creatures I have ever seen. Those eyes! And that nose.... wow! And she's got that little Mona Lisa smile thingy going. And the way she wears her hair, that tussock provocatively displayed on top.... I'm telling you, it's drivin' me mad.
But what is really intriguing is the background. Take a look. It's my friggin' swamp! Heeven has been to my shack!
Good lord, I hope she wasn't looking in my window when I was dismembering that tax collector.
Or when Priscilla and Gertrude had me tied up.
A few of you guys took this the wrong way...
Quote:why are you so concerned with being accepted
Personally, I could care less if I am accepted or not but I'm asking why humankind needs acceptance.
Quote:Is intelligence, warmth, compassion and caring, attractive?
Attractiveness does not always mean physical beauty, it is anything that happens to attract your interest.
Quote:And if you would, could you explain what you meant when you wrote:
Quote:Why are we so concerned with feeling accepted by everyone when very few deserve to accept us?
That was an unconnected idea that came out...we feel like we need to be accepted by people even if they are jerks and users.
Quote:Quote:
Why are we so concerned with feeling accepted by everyone when very few deserve to accept us?
I think that you are making a false generalization based on your own personal perception of things.
This
is a debate forum and I suppose that entitles me to my own opinions
Out of all of the responses, I'd say that Terry hit this one right on the nose. Are there any other ideas out there?
Alright, let's change that a little bit. What makes you think that people place themselves into two dimensional groups? The phenomenon you see here is people categorizing other people, not people categorizing themselves.
If someone is judging others then they place them into some instantly recognizable, organized group.
However, if people don't fit into any large group then they single themselves out not into the 'alone' group, but their group consisting of I.
Well, that's what I mean. People don't put themselves in constructed groups a lot of the time. They do put themselves more firmly into universal groups such as nationality, gender, age, maybe even race or religion, but they don't confine themselves further, usually. And even with the above categories, a lot of people consider themselves more or less separate from them as well. The groups are only for the purpose of relating to others, not for defining onesself.
Spank you gus - I am a rare bird. I did visit your shack and I ... well if you can't remember, I'll do a Paris Hilton and release the video soon ...
truth
Well, Individual, I think that part of the answer to your question(s) is that we do seem to be social animals, generally unable to survive without others with whom we share (approximately) a common world view and language. Psychologists used to generalize that one of our "universal" traits is a drive for "positive affect," the need to be appreciated by some others. The social identities or character traits that we use to pidgeon hole ourselves and others are not too different from the categories we use to make sense of everything in our lives. The problem is how to do so rationally and ethically.
What would happen to an individual if he just stopped caring what people thought about him, if he was truly unique (and not in the Emerson sense) and did what he wanted when he wanted without a thought to how awkward or silly he looks?
Psychology says that any person who does that is destined for suicide but I refuse to believe that.
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