Funniest scene in a movie...

FISH #5: Oh, ****! It's Mr. Creosote.

MAITRE D: Ah, good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?

MR. CREOSOTE: Better.

MAITRE D: Better?

MR. CREOSOTE: Better get a bucket. I'm going to throw up.

MAITRE D: Uh, Gaston! A bucket for monsieur. There you are, monsieur.

[goosh]

Merci, Gaston.

MR. CREOSOTE: I haven't finished.

MAITRE D: Oh! Pardon. Gaston! A thousand pardons, monsieur.

MR. CREOSOTE: Uhh.

[goosh]

MAITRE D: Now, zis afternoon, we have monsieur's favourite: ze jugged hare. Ze hare is very high, and ze sauce is very rich with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon, and cream. Thank you, Gaston.

MR. CREOSOTE: There's still more.

MAITRE D: Oh! Allow me. A new bucket for monsieur,...

[goosh]

...and ze cleaning woman,... and maintenant. Would monsieur care for an aperitif, or would he prefer to order straight away?

[goosh]

MR. CREOSOTE: Oh.

MAITRE D: Uh, today we have, uh, for appetizers: Excuse me. Mhmm. Uh, moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux-- that's leek tart,-- frogs' legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd-- c'est a dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of pureed mushroom. It's very delicate. Very subtle.

MR. CREOSOTE: I'll have the lot.

MAITRE D: A wise choice, monsieur. And now, how would you like it served? All, uh, mixed up togezer in a bucket?

MR. CREOSOTE: Yeah,... with the eggs on top.

MAITRE D: But of course, avec les oeufs frites.

MR. CREOSOTE: Yeah, and don't skimp on the pate.

MAITRE D: Oh, monsieur, I assure you, just because it is mixed up wis all ze other things, we would not dream of giving you less than ze full amount. In fact, I will personally make sure you have a double helping. Maintenant quelque chose a boire. Something to drink, monsieur?

MR. CREOSOTE: Yeah, I'll have six bottles of Chateau Latour Forty-five...

MAITRE D: Forty-five.

MR. CREOSOTE: ...and a double Jeroboam of champagne.

MAITRE D: Bon, and the usual brown ales?

MR. CREOSOTE: Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I can only manage six crates today.

MAITRE D: [tut tut tut tut] I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night.

MR. CREOSOTE: Shut up!

MAITRE D: D'accord. Ah! Ze new bucket and ze cleaning woman.

[goosh goosh goosh goosh]

Monsieur, is there something wrong with the food?

GUEST #4: No, the food was excellent.

MAITRE D: Perhaps you're not... happy with the service?

GUEST #4: No, no. No complaints.

GUEST #4'S WIFE: It's just that we have to go. I'm having rather a heavy period.

GUEST #3: Hmm.

GUEST #3'S WIFE: Mm mm.

GUEST #4: And... we... have... a... train to catch.

MAITRE D: Ah.

GUEST #4'S WIFE: Oh. Yes. Yes, of course. We have a train to catch, and I don't want to start bleeding all over the seats. Ha, hm hm hm.

MAITRE D: Madam?

GUEST #4: Perhaps we should be going.

GUEST #4'S WIFE: Oh.

MAITRE D: Oh! Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much. So nice to see you, and I hope very much we will see you again very soon. Au revoir, monsieur.

[clunk]

Oh, dear. I have trodden in monsieur's bucket.

GUESTS: [mumbling]

[slurp]

MAITRE D: Another bucket for monsieur,...

[goosh]

...and perhaps a hose. M-hm.

MAX: [retch]

MAX'S WIFE: Oh, Max. Really!

GUEST #2: [hiccup]

MR. CREOSOTE: [groaning]

MAITRE D: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

MR. CREOSOTE: Nah.

MAITRE D: Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one.

MR. CREOSOTE: No. **** off. I'm full.

MAITRE D: Oh, sir. Hmm?

MR. CREOSOTE: [groan]

MAITRE D: It's only wafer thin.

MR. CREOSOTE: Look. I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.

MAITRE D: Oh, sir, just-- just one.

MR. CREOSOTE: [groaning] All right. Just one.

MAITRE D: Just the one, monsieur. Voila.

MR. CREOSOTE: [groaning]

MAITRE D: Bon appetit.

MR. CREOSOTE: [groaning]

[suspenseful music]

[music stops]

[crash]

[BOOM]

[goosh]

[goosh]

[mayhem]

MAITRE D: Thank you, sir, and now, here's ze check.