Christmas sucks BIG-Time!!

My favourite Christmas song, "Bolwfly's Christmas Party" cannot be posted here.

I'm looking high & low for that song now, Cav. Haven't found it or its lyrics online yet. (and no that's not because I copied your typo )

If Santa gives away all of his toys, how does he pay the elves? Obviously, he doesn't. They're slaves. Our holiday message is that slavery is OK.

To really reinforce what Christmas is about, you should show kids animated Christmas specials. While these seem to have positive messages, it's only if you watch them all the way through. You should be sure and turn them off with 10 minutes left, because that's where the lies start. As soon as the Grinch successfully steals Christmas, turn off the TV. When Frosty melts, it's time for bed.

Happy holidays, everyone!

heeeheehee

Ceili -- Thanks for posting the 12 Days of Christmas letters. I've heard them before but never seen 'em in print. Hilarious!

What typo was that there Monger....hey, are you on MSN Messenger? PM me, I can send it to you. How's that for Christmas cheer.

I have enjoyed Xmas less and less the past several years. Of course I liked it when I was a kid, I don't have any children, but when my nieces and nephews were kids I had the most fun. They are all grown now so Xmas is a chore that I try to avoid. The lights and commercialism begins the day after Halloween seems like, by time it is actually Xmas, I'm way over it. I don't like it that I feel that way, but I don't see it changing.

PS. I do like my Xmas bonus from work!

The only radio station that will come through here in the lab has decided to play bad Christmas music 24/7.

The f*ing sheep at the other end of the lab are all blissed out.

It really Jingle-Blows.

I like all of the posts so far; Christmas /is/ a minefield.

My mother worries me; she likes this song:

Hey Santa claus you c*nt!
Where's me f*cking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a f*cking letter and I come to see you twice
Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me f*cking bike.
If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up, It's enough to make you spew
And I'm not the only one who's snakey, Me sister is too!
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'll let your f*cking reindeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!
You just wait 'til next year, when you go to that store
And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door
And we'll say, yeah you wait for it
Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells f*cking lies
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old f*cking w*nker Forgot me ******* bike.

I think I like your mother.

To paraphrase Jon Stewart (circa last night): "Remember: you've got to spend enough money to make Jesus love you."

An inordinate amount of death in my family on Christmas day.

It's an accursed day, when desparately distant parents of adult children try to buy back a little bit of approval and forgiveness for the atrocities they inflicted on them while refusing to ever ignore that anything was awry to begin with.

It's a travesty of advertising-driven consumption that results mainly in the transfer of useless goods from one party to another while generating piles of expensively produced and completely unnecessary packaging.

It's an excuse for... completely forgot what I was on about.

This year, I will bend the elbow a bit, pour some out in honor of whatever magnanimous forbears it was who discovered how to turn grain and grapes into bread and wine (Jesus as Dionysian figure, of course), lay down on the frozen, sleeping ground and offer my admiration to all those distant sparkling cousins of our life-giving on the other side of our blessed rock, scratch the dogs behind their ears and thank them for their millennia of service and companionship, and curl up next to a warm body to await the following day.

That's solstice. Christmas I'll grit my teeth, watch the obligatory exchange of merchandise, quaff a dead man's scotch in an excessively arid controlled indoor climate (generating so many externalities just to cast sweat-inducing heat on the joyless festivities), eat some dried out dead bird, and wait for the whole charade to turn into the day after, when -- let's face it -- everyone over the age of twelve is simply relieved that it's over and dreading cleaning the whole mess up.

lol... she should know better!

Still, she's a complete Christmas freak, and she enjoys it all just as much, if not more, than the kids.

I know exactly what position you're in; from the 1st of December, my mother plays bad Christmas songs (Wham) ad nauseum... no wonder I don't go home often.

I liked the twelve letters a lot, too. I remember seeing something similar in book form, written by the guy who played Fr. Jack in (the English version of) Father Ted.

D et R -- Not me... I think that song is funny but actually I haven't played a single carol... nor even sung one in the shower. One of these days I'll be struck with inspiration, I hope. I am planning on buying some things for the family... guess I should start, huh? My 20-year old has most of her shopping finished and everything wrapped. <sigh>

I HAVE been gathering pine & fir cones & the cute evergreen branches that fall from the tops of the trees when the wind blows because they're the best -- curly & interesting. I wish we'd have another storm she said quietly. I'm looking forward to some festivities with friends; first one is tomorrow.

Father Ted... you either love him or hate him, sometimes within the same show. I don't remember which one is Fr. Jack.


PD -- Bummer. At least you've got your gf and the doggles. Are you fond of any holidays?

This week people will start singing Christmas songs at my karaoke shows....God give me strength.....

Only if you believe, BP...otherwise, you're doomed!

I haven't sang one either, nor played a carol on my own accord. I am being coerced into putting up the Christmas tree, but I wait until the 15th, invariably. Do you have (or are you getting) a real tree, or one of those synthetic ones? A real tree is more Christmas-esque than one that can be bought from Asda/Walmart, but then one has all the problems of mess afterwards.

Yay! I collect cones and branches too. I went on a long walk after the French Law tutorial had finished, through the few leafy boroughs left, stuffing my 'bag with all that was worthy of place. I dislike gaudy grottos: I prefer a more understated and natural look. A few blocks away from my apartment, people are competing with each other by putting huge neon monstrosities on the top of their roofs. Still, it's the children that count. What are you thinking of buying?

The book that I was talking about

I agree with you on Fr. Ted; did you see the Irish/English version with Dermot and Ardal O'Hanlon? Fr. Jack was the one that US execs cut out, a vile old priest who invariably shouts 'drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!', apart from on one instance, when he was trained to say 'that would be an ecumenical matter.' I don't know about Fr. Ted; the third season flanked completely, but since Dermot literally dropped down dead, it's became sacrosanct, in a way.

?", no, Bear... you must have done something absolutely awful to deserve (invariably) inebriated people stuttering tunelessly,

'Last Christmash, I gave you my heart...'

I know it isn't a Christmas song, but I think the best Christmas song that there could be would be, 'When you wish upon a star'- encapsulating the children's amazement- or 'Imagine' and/or 'What a wonderful world'- how it should be for one day.... I'm trying to think of the worst Christmas song; there are too many.

Christmas just isn't christmas without snow.....oh-well I hate christmas for too many reasons to mention.

Aw.. what are your plans for this Christmas anyway, kerver? I find that the best Christmasses are those that escape the clichés, even if doing something completely different annoys some people.

Christmas is better with snow...

I'm going to my parents house with my bf, nothing special. I am looking forward to the food though, thats the only benefit. What are you doing drom?

Looks funny on the beach, though! And all those goosebumps!

That's the thing, Christmas usually isn't special after the age of about 12, especially after the day that one leaves home.... it's all a big déjà vu.

Me, I have two options: I can either go back to see my family (boring, but what I'm expected to do) or see a very good friend of mine in Bruxelles... or I could stay on campus with no one but a few people. Or I could go up to Edinburgh. Personally, I'd prefer the second, but I will probably be pressurized into doing the first... yay, rabid kids asking why they can't have more... simply having a wonderful Christmas time!