@Skye cv,
Oh No SoCal
That's a rough beginning ....
This can never be explained to a young child nor should it ever be....
Those in law enforcement or military have to adapt to a mindset which keeps them from deep emotional demonstrative love.
They have to fear it because to succumb would mean weakness - staring into the eyes of someone they may have to maim or worse - it is often the way some men keep themselves sane and safe..... by being cruel in a safe place....their homes.
Not right - but still men who have tough jobs rarely seek help in getting 'soft'....they can't afford to.
Still - scars run deep for little people. It would seem by your persona here - you have survived well.