Is Kindness Wiser Than Truth?

As much as I'd love to believe the idea that "sometimes kindness is wiser than truth," I still feel that truth is to be valued above everything else. That way there are no blinders to reality in the face of emotion.

So I ask you, what do you think?

The point I'm trying to make about common politeness is that it is not trivial, it just isn't what the semantic load of the actual words used would imply that it is.

Folks are missing the fact that a lot of human communication is a form of mutual grooming. It's just that human grooming does not involve picking ticks out of each others fur.

What I don't think people are doing is making a distinction between truth and honest opinion. Some people cant handle truth or honest opinion, and yet just because you may not be lying about your opinion does not make your honest opinion the truth. You are putting a heck of a lot of faith in the validity and value of your own opinion to claim that hurting other people with it is better than not expressing it.

I'm down with that. So by all means disabuse someone of their belief that 1+1=3. But when the question is something like. Do you think I drove my significant other off by being too (X). Tread lightly because the truth in a situation like that is not-discernable without a lot more information than you are likely to have, all you can give is your honest opinion, and your honest opinion will possibly do more harm than good.

I can (not lie) to myself, just as I can (not lie) to others. However polite adherence to the socio-linguistic frame schemas as i noted several times already is not lying to others or myself. The information transfered is contained in the framework not the semantic load.

Our responsibility is not to protect people's feelings. Once we deliver the truth, it is out of our hands. How this person perceives what we say is not our fault. It is only our responsibility to be as clear as possible and to communicate what we mean. Unfortunately, in being "kind" we actually are being cruel.

Think of a time when your friend was hurting. What did you say? "Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay."

um...no it isn't. Your friends feels shitty right now, because they are in a shitty circumstance. Why sugar coat it? Why be so cruel in your kindness JUST to make someone feel better? They should feel what they feel because of the truth, not because what's kind is what's comfortable.

why do we think we're responsible for anything other than giving truth?

Our responsibility is not to protect people's feelings. Once we deliver the truth, it is out of our hands. How this person perceives what we say is not our fault. It is only our responsibility to be as clear as possible and to communicate what we mean. Unfortunately, in being "kind" we actually are being cruel.

Who decides what our responsibility is or isn't? Maybe YOU think it's to be as clear as possible, but maybe Jane thinks it's to be kind. The person she's being kind to may really need that at the moment and may get their truth from others. Do you really need it from everyone? Won't there be as many truths as there are people?

Think of a time when your friend was hurting. What did you say? "Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay."

um...no it isn't. Your friends feels shitty right now, because they are in a shitty circumstance. Why sugar coat it? Why be so cruel in your kindness JUST to make someone feel better? They should feel what they feel because of the truth, not because what's kind is what's comfortable.

It's a platitude... and depending on what the situation is, it might be appropriate.

What is with this "they should" stuff? Who says we should anything? I don't believe in shoulds. Why be so cruel in your kindness? Why is kindness cruel and truth not? Maybe your kindness wasn't JUST to make someone feel better. You're assuming a lot. If you're speaking of yourself and your own behaviour, fine, but please don't ascribe all this to me. That is not how I operate.


why do we think we're responsible for anything other than giving truth?

I don't think I'm responsible for anything at all other than what I decide to be responsible for, and that may be kindness or truth, but I don't even think "responsibility" enters into it. Anything I say is a choice I make and sometimes I make none at all. Me giving someone truth is a gift, and is done when I know them, at my discretion.

Signature Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.