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The bully-confronter

 
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 10:55 am
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:
Thanks for the nice words, snood and everyone. My first reaction was definitely pride, but then the worry followed...

I feel like I have a better grip on the situation though, thanks. I think the main remaining question is whether
I'll get her into any sort of boxing or martial arts classes (or get that punching bag for her to continue along
the path she's already started, boxing-wise).
I believe that some of the Eastern Martial Arts (many centuries in development) rely more on subtle cleverness n ingenuity
applied to the predator's vulnerable areas of anatomy, employing the laws of motion and of leverage,
as distinct from the application of brute force that one finds in ordinary boxing.

Sometimes its better to fight smart,
rather than to fight hard.





David
Pangloss
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 11:50 am
@OmSigDAVID,
There's a distinct difference between combat sports and actual combat or self-defense. The first adheres to certain rules and conduct, while the second is assumed to be a life or death situation.

In self-defense, the idea is to overwhelm the opposition with violent force by any means necessary. You don't need martial arts lessons to know that the groin, face, and neck are three of the most vulnerable places on the human body, and that a blunt or sharp weapon will throw the odds in your favor quite drastically.

Bullying is not really a self-defense scenario, it's usually just name calling and intimidation. Thus, I don't think it's advisable to train your daughter in possibly lethal fighting techniques for dealing with bullies. If she understands when it's OK to use things like this, i.e. she's actually being assaulted, someone's attempting rape, a violent robbery, or something, then OK. But she's pretty young...
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 12:11 pm
@Pangloss,
We had addressed the concept of breaking up a fight, or in this case a robbery.
I remarked on the fact that too many guys have been stabbed to death while breaking up fights.

Any person whose inclination it is to thusly address the world
shoud be prepared as well as possible for the known potential consequences.





David
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  3  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 12:26 pm
Karate (mixed martial arts, actually) did wonders for SonofEva's confidence in dealing with bullies. He's only had to use the skills once, and he did that to stop an out-of-control bully from hurting himself or anyone else. He grabbed the kid's shirt, put him down on the ground, and walked away before the kid even knew what had happened. The bully rightly figured if SonofEva could do that, then he could have just as easily hurt him, so he gave him a wide berth from then on.

Find a martial arts school that emphasizes DEFENSE, not offense. SonofEva's school always taught that the ultimate goal of any confrontation is to avoid physical injury. And more importantly, "he who loses control loses every time." Those are lessons worth learning for anyone.
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 01:27 pm
Sozlet did the right thing in the right way.

She deflected rather than confronted. That's not a skill, that's an instinct. She's already using her best senses to protect those needing protection.

Praise her without any of the "but, honey, I worry about... ."s, they just take the shine off of the moment and are unnecessary.

She already knows you worry too much about everything.

She's the kind of kid we all want around our kids, a fearless friend.

You're doing good, she's doing good.

Joe(Play on!)Nation
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 04:04 pm
@Eva,
Eva wrote:

Find a martial arts school that emphasizes DEFENSE, not offense. SonofEva's school always taught that the ultimate goal of any confrontation is to avoid physical injury. And more importantly, "he who loses control loses every time." Those are lessons worth learning for anyone.


Indeed. Good stuff.

And thanks Joe! Good point about deflecting.

(I know it's hard to believe but she actually thinks I'm NOT a worrier. I tend to be the one who says "oh it's fine" when E.G. worries that something is too dangerous for her, and the rest of it I tend to work out here [or with friends] before applying it in one way or another. I wouldn't say I don't worry in front of her at ALL, but not much.)
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 04:28 pm
@sozobe,
Either Aikido or Judo would be a great place to start. In both, it is your opponent who hurts themselves.

Cycloptichorn
0 Replies
 
Pangloss
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 06:28 pm
For actual self-defense situations, a combination of boxing and wrestling training is quite effective. That, plus working on strength, power, and balance. Also carrying a weapon such as mace, a baton, knife, or firearm.
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 08:56 pm
Joe is exactly right, as usual!

I never meant to suggest that Sozlet did anything wrong...in fact, I really admire her. I wish more people (of ALL ages!) had her strength of character.

I was responding more to Soz's (quite normal) fear that her child's good instincts may lead her into situations she is not equipped to handle as well as she did this one. It is always good to be prepared. For that reason (and to present a different view), I recommended martial arts training. It was our experience that SonofEva's martial arts training did not lead him to be more aggressive with others...quite the opposite, in fact. They emphasized self-control and recognizing/handling dangerous situations. I think those are good skills for anyone to have.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 09:23 pm
Ninja students foil Aussie mugging
May 20, 2010
Three Australian muggers who struck near a martial arts school got the fright of their lives when five black-clad ninjas foiled their attack.

The trio, who were beating and kicking a trainee medic from Germany, fled in panic when the student ninjas aged 18 to 47 raced out of the nearby hall where they had been training.

"They all just froze," said Kaylan Soto, 42, who was training the students. "Then they just took off. I've never seen guys running that fast. They should have been in the Olympics -- they would have won gold."

Soto said the ninjitsu class was wrapping up late on Tuesday when one of his students went outside and saw the men attacking the 27-year-old German, who was near the end of an eight-week exchange visit.

"He called out to me, 'Sensei (teacher), someone's getting mugged on the road outside!'" Soto told AFP.

"We just ran outside and started running at them, yelling and everything. These guys have turned around and seen five ninjas in black ninja uniforms running towards them. They just bolted."
http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-world/ninja-students-foil-aussie-mugging-20100520-vq3m.html

0 Replies
 
snood
 
  2  
Reply Fri 18 Jun, 2010 11:38 pm
@Pangloss,
Pangloss wrote:

For actual self-defense situations, a combination of boxing and wrestling training is quite effective. That, plus working on strength, power, and balance. Also carrying a weapon such as mace, a baton, knife, or firearm.


...yes, and walking with four heavily muscled ex-marine kickboxing bodyguards while brandishing an uzi in one hand and a flamethrower in the other is also an effective deterrent, I've found... Shocked
0 Replies
 
Proxima
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Jan, 2011 01:29 pm
@sozobe,
I would tell her to get more friends to stop it
0 Replies
 
BenAgain
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2012 10:38 pm
@DrewDad,
DrewDad recommended judo lessons. I heartily agree. Judo gives you some less "in your face" options that punching and kicking don't offer.

Judo probably saved my son from a beating one time. He was tormenting this other kid (the other kid was bigger and stronger, but much less aggressive), escalating more and more, and finally the other kid had had enough. Instead of punching my son out, he gently took my son to the gound and held him there while he raged and flailed and yelled and finally calmed down, then he let him up. Problem solved, and everyone got along after that (they are friends to this day and that was about fifteen years ago). My son learned his lesson in probably the most harmless yet effective way possible, because the other kid had judo in his toolbag, so he could respond to my son's bullying without hurting him.

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2012 11:26 pm
I hope you all read the whole thread.

http://able2know.org/topic/153061-1
0 Replies
 
TheBaldGuy
 
  2  
Reply Wed 30 Jan, 2013 10:16 pm
Good for her. You have done something right when she has that level of confidence and sense of right and wrong. I think you handled it right so far - and yes, it will come a time when she might get into deep water with someone who doesn't appreciate her standing up for someone being bullied - but that will also be a powerful lesson for her.

You are both doing a great job. See what happens as she gets older and is exposed to similar situations...
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2013 07:44 am
@TheBaldGuy,
Hi TheBaldGuy. Three years on, she has done this sort of thing a few more times and hasn't been punched in the face yet. She has a friend who has a similar approach, and she's teamed up with him for some situations. She's tall for her age, and strong, and he's also tall and strong, so I worry a bit less about the physical part of it. (At least when they're dealing with kids approximately their own age.) But the face-punching may still happen.
0 Replies
 
 

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