The bully-confronter

@sozobe,

Like others here I think your advice was good and your daughter's behavior was probably admirable and worthy of praise..

Most bullies cave in quickly when confronted with calm but unrelenting opposition. I have found that to be true in the playground , in combat and even in the business world.

Coming to the aid of a victim unable to defend him/herself is almost always an admirable thing. Caution when doing do is always wise.

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@georgeob1,

Wow! Great kid.

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Aikido

Quote:

Aikido is a Japanese martial art... that practitioners could use to defend themselves while also protecting their attacker from injury.

Aikido is performed by blending with the motion of the attacker and redirecting the force of the attack rather than opposing it head-on.

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@aidan,

aidan wrote:

I think the instinct to be helpful to someone in trouble is always wonderful. I've encouraged it in my children, in fact, I've pretty much taught them that it's reprehensible to look away.

But I've also taught my kids that they don't necessarily have to confront the bully. Sometimes, in fact, many times it's enough to just walk up to the potential victim in a situation and take his or her hand - providing a distraction without being too confrontational.

A similar situation unfolded in front of me about a month ago in the middle of the city street in Oxford. A friend and I were walking down the street and we happened upon this very effiminate looking young man of about twenty who was involved in some sort of altercation with an older, huskier and rougher looking guy. As we watched the bigger guy hit the younger guy in the face. The young guy grabbed his face and stood there crying. The older guy was yelling something at him - I don't know what. My friend kept walking, but I turned around and said to the young guy, 'Come here, come walk with us,' because the big guy was advancing toward him again.

I walked back over to the young guy and took him by the arm and said again, 'Just walk with us - he won't bother you then.'

He walked with us around the corner and then went on his way.
My friend was a little pissed off at me - he said, 'Yeah - you go to save the day, but if that guy'd wanted to fight someone, he'd have hit me, not you.'

I said, 'He didn't hit either one of us - and he stopped hitting the guy he was hitting.'

I would never advise my children to walk away without at least calling someone else for help - but again - sometimes just showing the bully that other people care for the person s/he's bullying is enough of a distraction.

Of course if someone has a knife or gun - I'd have to rethink the whole thing.

Its a judgment call; a lot of guys have been stabbed to death, breaking up a fight.

David

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@Cycloptichorn,

Agreeing with Cyclo, and lordie, I am pleased with sozlet. But you and I both know LA, Soz, and so judgement (way I spell it) gets to be tricky - how to teach that, I've no idea. My niece, conversant on a lot of sides in an urban area of much sturm, has emerged a strong woman and now knows way more than I do. Time for reverse learning conversations..

Plus, we haven't talked lately, time to call.

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@ossobuco,

Not everything is taught. Somethings they just learn by themselves.

You might recall that good judgement comes from experience, and experience is often the result of bad judgement.

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@roger,

So true. So true.

Hey, Roger, we agree.

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@ossobuco,

I'll remember this the next time we have a total solar eclipse viewable from New Mexico.

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@roger,

Snickers.

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I think Sozlet has an instinct in her that is precious and very admirable. I agree with those who say she should have some practical tools with which to answer those who might not take her interventions quietly. I think it's a very cool little human being who automatically protects the weaker. You must be doing a lot of stuff right, Soz.

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Permit me to offer my agreement
with everyone who has suggested her study of the Martial Arts;
maybe Karate or Kung Fu. It 'd be interesting to know what
philosophy thay teach with those arts.

Let me observe that it was less dangerous to confront a robber
who was dressed in a bathing suit; less likely to have a knife secreted upon his person.
U may wish to discuss when she shoud use her cell fone to call 911
(e.g., robberies, like this one).

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

This is why I am a proponent of boxing as a martial art. They don't blather on about "philosophies".

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@sozobe,

Quote:

What would you advise if this was your kid?

I would make sure that she knows that some day such behaviour is likely to end painfully, and also make it clear that you support her following her conscience

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@roger,

roger wrote:

This is why I am a proponent of boxing as a martial art.
They don't blather on about "philosophies".

Philosophies are patterns of belief, some of which are significant, for good or ill.

The philosophies are also inherent in the deeds that flow from them.
The thought is the father of the deed.

There may be ways of dealing with predatory violence
that r more effective and efficient than boxing as a martial art.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

The Tao of the 44 Spec?

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@roger,

roger wrote:

The Tao of the 44 Spec?

Yes! Absolutely! My defensive ordnance was not chosen at random.
I put a lot of thought and research into that.

Since I was 8, I had relied upon a .38 revolver.
Then I learned of its inadequate stopping power owing to the misadventures
of some who relied upon it, to their (fatal) detriment.

There are very different defensive philosophies invested in the .44 magnum
(which I have rejected from personal defense, tho I own one)
and the better .44 special, relating to the pros and cons of overpenetration.

There are also VERY significantly different engineering philosophies in bullet configuration.
Different slugs have different and distinct missions.

U choose the right tool for the job.

David

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@snood,

Thanks for the nice words, snood and everyone. My first reaction was definitely pride, but then the worry followed...

I feel like I have a better grip on the situation though, thanks. I think the main remaining question is whether I'll get her into any sort of boxing or martial arts classes (or get that punching bag for her to continue along the path she's already started, boxing-wise).

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Ok, aside from sozlette learning when she might be in lasting danger....

There's nothing wrong with being punched in the face (literally and figuratively) if it's the result of doing the right thing.

Every person who has made a lasting difference toward good in this world has been punched in the face, no exceptions.

When that happens, she desires Badge of Merit, and a picture displayed on the refridgerator with her stupendous black eye.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_1HDtt3SHR98/SfUTY2c1lkI/AAAAAAAADAs/40ST8ra_Zlo/s400/Girl%2Bwith%2BBlack%2BEye.jpg

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@chai2,

Ha, perfect illustration. That's so her.

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@roger,

roger wrote:

Not everything is taught. Somethings they just learn by themselves.

You might recall that good judgement comes from experience, and experience is often the result of bad judgement.

I forgot to comment on this one, very useful concept, thanks.

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The bully-confronter

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