This is really quite easy. I would be Otis, from The Andy Griffith Show
. I've always admired Otis. He has a quick wit, is charming, dresses exceptionally well (cool Southern suits, nice hat), always seems to have a good supply of booze at hand, and a warm, cozy cell to sleep in at night.
Plus, the verbal sparring with Barney would be exceptional.
Yep, Otis is the man.