I am very sorry you are feeling like that, hon.
You know, the studies re ageing happily seem to suggest that one of the secrets lies in setting your goals to be just within your abilities.
I do wonder if.
a. Your abilities are greater than you think....
b. That you are a bit stuck in grieving the losses
c. That you MIGHT be happier if you weren't trying to be the who you were, exactly?
I hardly dare say that, (mainly because I sound like, and likely am, an arrogant pig) but also because I don't really know if you still have the exhaustion and pain so very badly? I hope you don't, that time and the drugs have helped a bit?
Otherwise, Dys....yes, I can readily imagine feeling that the game was no longer worth the candle, and I am a strong supporter of voluntary euthanasia.
That being said, I think it is VERY hard to sort out depression, which may lift, from the true state of being better dead. Of COURSE, this is subjective, but if you speak of yourself Dys, it seems to me that you are surrounded by love and give great delight to many.
Probably many, many more than you know.
I'd hate to lose you.