I would like to apologize for not being here when you people needed me most. I can explain my absence. A few days back, me and some of the Cardinals got pretty wasted on some wine and we took to the streets, looking for nuns and prostitutes. The whole evening became blurry. I do remember grappling with a penguin-like creature in a dark alley. I must have assumed it was a nun, but, from what I've been told, I had stumbled into the Vatican City Zoo and actually coupled with a real live penguin. I awoke in jail, sick as a dog, and reeking of penguin.
It was in my darkest hour that I realized the importance of this site and the real friends I have here. Doctor BiPolar attended to my health and brought me back from the dead. Nurse Montana was at my side during the entire ordeal, wiping my forehead, and whispering words of encouragement into my ear. In the background, Eva and Patiodog were like two pillars of strength -- the compassion in their eyes was like a salve for my soul.
Thank you, friends, thank you very much.
