I barely can swim

Maybe Tackofibulosa is the love child between Fabulous and Tacky?

Maybe it coud be possible.

I'm referring to the Google adds at the bottom of each page. Mine are obviously Australian-centric, but can be rather funny, and/or inappropriate.

Olga - yes - I'd be interested to see how they can teach you to swim at home, sans pool.

The most recent lot - YMCA learn to swim, Top swim school (at Fitness First - yecchhh! - you'd never get out of the contract); and cheap pool covers from $179! How about Alienware gaming systems?

I seem to get a lot of tennis ads, as well. Who's been spying on me?

Asshat.

Edgar, I found this info- BBB

Buoyancy

What is buoyancy?

As you float, your weight presses down into the water; the water presses back, pushing you up.

When you get into the pool, your body displaces a volume of water (the "hole" in the water that your body fits into). As long as the water your body displaces weighs more than you do, you float.
This is basically Archimedes' Law.

You weigh less than the water you're in, because your lungs are full of air, like a balloon, and like a balloon, the air in your lungs lifts you to the surface naturally.

Why don't we float alike?

Everyone floats in the water at their own natural level.

Different factors contribute to how high " or low " in the water you float.

First, your body type has a lot to do with your buoyancy. Fat floats, as you've probably heard, while your bones and muscles, denser than fat, are not as willing to float.

Also, the relative size of your lungs to the rest of your body determines how high in the water your body will float.

Second, the density of the water is a factor. Saltier water weighs more per unit of volume, so you will float higher in saltier water (the Red Sea, for instance) than you would in fresh water.

Finally, there is a curious phenomenon of apparently greater buoyancy " for some people " in deep water.

According to Melon Dash of the Transpersonal Swimming Institute, “Buoyancy and feeling buoyancy are two different things.

You can be buoyant but not feel buoyant.

Your buoyancy does not change between the shallow and the deep. Your feeling of buoyancy may change.

“Feeling buoyancy in water is all about 'presence' in one's body.
Presence " feeling while swimming " is most available when a swimmer is not distracted by the pool bottom, or anything else.

“The pool bottom is closer in the shallow end and farther away at the deep end.

Because it's so close in the shallow end and you know you can use it any time, it may also be a distraction: some of your awareness, that is, some of your attention or presence is on the bottom.

“When this distraction is not there in the deep end due to the fact that we can't use the bottom there, people often feel more buoyant in the deep: their awareness is all at the surface rather than part of their awareness being at the bottom, as in the shallow.”

A factor you CAN control is how relaxed you are. Tense muscles often keep your body a bit lower in the water, since many people breathe more shallowly and rapidly when tense (hence less air in the lungs for floating).

Did you ever play the “thinking heavy” game as a kid? You'd be harder to pick up if you imagined yourself to be as heavy as a piano, easier to pick up if you pretended to be a balloon.

Again, we each have our natural level of buoyancy. And then, there are those few who don't float at all (far fewer than people realize).

But no matter how low in the water you float or glide or swim, it has nothing to do with ultimately learning to swim. Period. You'll adjust your stroke, roll your face out a bit more to get your air, and swim.

Test your buoyancy

You'll need a pool, treading water skills for the deep end, a buddy and as always, a lifeguard.

Your buddy can sit on the pool ledge next to you, at the deep end. The lifeguard will also be close by.

Have your goggles on.

Climb down the pool ladder's steps, facing the wall. As your face submerges you'll constantly bubble a thin stream of bubbles out through your nose to keep the water out. Keep your hands on the ladder's rail.

Notice how you get pushed up as you go down? The deep you try to climb the harder it is to do. That's buoyancy at work.

Optional: If you chose to, you could let go the ladder and pop up to the surface.

updated 3/2/05

Okay Edgar, if I was nearby I'd give you lessons, cause the thing about swimming is you're not supposed to know how to float. I know you can learn to swim, it's just a matter of allowing yourself to be spastic in the water.

And, it is never wise to make a super human effort by swimming across a river when you haven't conquered the basic skills. So I don't accept that as evidence you can't learn to swim. When you begin any kind of excersise you are using muscles you don't normally use, so they will get fatigued more quickly.

If I am ever in Texas, I will give you lessons.

swimming = staying alive in water.

I do not float on the surface. I never have. If I lay on my back and allow myself to relax, my feet fall to a spot that is juuuust a little off off straight down. I might as well be wearing steel toed boots.

With my head thrown back, the only thing that stays above water is my lips and nose, even my eyes go under.
What I taught myself to do as a kid is breath in through pursed lips as fully as I can. That lifts me about two inches. I exhale through my nose until my lips touch water, then breathe in again. Unless the water is very rough, I can do this for a very long time, over an hour once just for fun.
I always thought it would come in handy if I ever had to hide from someone, maybe amongst some lily pads.

Joe(I like to pretend I'm a seal using a hole in the ice to get air.)Nation

I hear you on that one! I love showering!


Try using Quero. No ads, no pop-ups.

I no longer wish to swim. But I appreciate the offer.

Sure enough. No point in doing anything if you don't want to.

When I tell people I swim this is sometimes how the conversation goes:

Me: "I swim"
Them: "I would like to start swimming"
Me: "Do you like being in water?"
Them: "No."

Sounds perfectly reasonable.

That was interesting, BBB, thanks.

<blows some bubbles>

What the hell does asshat mean it doesn't even register in word.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshat

Really? Who's being reasonable?

I don't think a person who says they want to swim but doesn't like the water to be rational.

If it is not in Webster's then it is not a word.

It may or may not be a word, but all early signs indicate you're an asshat.