"I Am Getting New Flooring" & Other Tales of a Hermit

Forums: Home Improvement, Isolation, Loneliness
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Just this weekend I had a handyman out to my home to change out some light fixtures and some other minor handy work. I also had someone come to give me a an estimate on tearing out all my carpet and replacing it with tile. (long over due)

Although I like carpet, I have 5 cats and a couple of them have been having litter box problems so I figure this is the best way to handle all of the mess without getting completely rid of the cats in question.

Seems easy enough for most...my problem? Stress....I was a complete stress case before the guys arrived, while they were here and for several hours after.

It's not the money I'm spending that stresses me. It's having the work person (house cleaners included) into my home and worrying about them judging me, the furniture I have, the BAD smell which blasts them in the face the second I open the door, the condition the house is in, the list goes on and on. Let's just say I stressed myself so bad that I had a flare up of my health condition so that I had to take Monday off sick from work.

I had a week after Thanksgiving off as vacation and stayed home for 5 days straight..didn't step foot outside except for a very short period in my backyard.

I am an only child and always been pretty independent when it comes to most things, but I find that after my soon to be ex moved out last June, I have become virtually a hermit. I have no TV (thanks ex) but I do have a computer which keeps me in touch with the outside world and keeps me occupied some. I have some online friends (*waves to Boris Kitten*) but really no friends or acquaintences outside of work which means some days I can go without talking to anyone about anything but work related stuff.

Yes, I talk to the five cats all the time, but I know that sort of life probably leads to being called the 'crazy cat lady' and I need to change my behavior but I don't know how.

I have registered with several online 'find friends' sites but I'm too afraid to follow through and actually show up to any of the events. It just seems so weird to show up to an event with a ton of strangers that I know nothing about except a cryptic description one can find of the group. (if there is one)

So this is where I come back to the community here at A2K. Help. How can I get over my self esteem issue and come to grips with my inner hermit to get her over this lonely and stressful exsistence? Any ideas?

And for those who suggest a counselor...yes I have one I am seeing but I'd really like to get more opinions on the subject. Thanks much!

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@mm25075,

The more you isolate yourself the harder it is to socialize. You really need to try and get into situations with other people. Maybe a little volunteer work would be a good idea - just a few hours a week to start. I always recommend literacy volunteers because you are helping someone become a better individual, but in this case it could also help with your self-esteem issues and loneliness. Cats are not a substitute for human contact, they are only helping you mask and avoid the real problems. If you continue like this you will become more lonely, more cat obsessed and more embarrassed by your situation. It's great that you are already seeking therapy, but I think you need to push yourself to the next level by sheer force of will and with the knowledge that people here see you as a good person with great friendship potential.

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@mm25075,

1. quit worrying so much what people you are paying for their services think of you.

2. maybe volunteer somewhere that makes a difference to you.

or start some kind of hobby that requires local classes where you might find like-minded folks.

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The problem with floors is that thay r just too low.

Thay keep getting lower. Its hard to reach down that far.
Have higher floors installed.

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@Rockhead,

Taking or auditing classes is a great way to meet people, percolate interests, and become cultured.

And let me third the volunteering option as well.

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@mm25075,

Can you join an exercise class, yoga, aerobics, whatever - it would be a start to
get out and mingle with people that have similar interests.
Volunteering was mentioned and this is really an excellent opportunity to
meet people, help others and feel good about yourself.

Don't worry about the workmen, think of them as temporary employees
and once the tiles are in, the place will look so much better and smelling great.

Apropos smell, there are a number of products out there that eliminate pet
odor, perhaps you should look into that. Scented candles help also.

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@Green Witch,

sheer force of will. Yikes!

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@OmSigDAVID,

How do I raise floors? I mean I have high ceilings and would like to be able to reach the light fixtures, but wouldn't the cost of filling the house with cement be prohibitive? Suppose I could hide the body more simply that way. Very Happy

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I'm mixed, I'm a very only child (moved a lot) who only in my late teens and twenties began to have life friends (though I have a few from those early years, they don't know me).

Took me a long time to be comfortable in a room of people. Once I cottoned on, I was comfortable. I still relate to a cat cradle of friends, not always the same people but retaining most, though not always.

I get the cocooning thing in stress.

My immediate suggestion is to walk the neighborhoods of where you live, actually look at them, and talk when that makes sense. Not that a local strip mall will make you happy with great conversation - so look around for where else interests you.

If all else fails, I never did pursue something that looked interesting, a city site, with a lot of categories to talk on. Alas, I've had a computer crash since then and don't remember it. There seemed to be walking groups gathering on various mornings, for example.

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Volunteer work...I had thought of that. I took a quick look through a volunteer site but I need to do more searching or probably foot work at some local churches or something. The only volunteer work I found that I think I would be good at is fostering or helping with animals. While that might be good, it doesn't sound like it would be that great at socializing with human nature.

Hmmm, I wonder if it's time to go back to school and finish my masters degree in management? *weighs the cost of house repairs* that might be out for a while. As far as hobbies go, I play World of Warcraft and love computer games. (yes I'm a nerd)

Step 1 - RSVP to a meet up event - CHECK
Step 2 - Attend event scheduled in two weeks.

I'll let you all know how I do in the 'show up' department.

Thanks all for the helpful advice, keep it coming. I need all the help I can get. This is not gonna be easy.

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@mm25075,

mm25075 wrote:

How do I raise floors? I mean I have high ceilings and would like to be able to reach the light fixtures, but wouldn't the cost of filling the house with cement be prohibitive? Suppose I could hide the body more simply that way.

While the cement is still wet; that 's important -- much less work.

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@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

There seemed to be walking groups gathering on various mornings, for example.

hmm, I wonder if my local mall has some people who walk before the stores open. Good idea. Thanks osso!

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@mm25075,

These people met at other local walks, but I never followed up.

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Too much walking can make u tired.

That 's what cabs r 4.

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@mm25075,

Hi mm25075.

Is there a community centre near you? If there is, have you looked at the programming available? How about YW/YMCA's?

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@ossobuco,

If I remember the city site, I'll post back - it was at least across the US, not just my area.

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@ossobuco,

Aha, here may be the general site -

http://www.city-data.com

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@ossobuco,

thanks osso!!

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@mm25075,

mm25075 wrote:

Volunteer work...I had thought of that. I took a quick look through a volunteer site but I need to do more searching or probably foot work at some local churches or something. The only volunteer work I found that I think I would be good at is fostering or helping with animals. While that might be good, it doesn't sound like it would be that great at socializing with human nature.

Your interest in animals does not have to mean working with animals (you might be tempted to adopt more!) Most animal rescue places need volunteers to do fundraising. Speaking to people about something you're passionate about (helping animals) perhaps on the telephone (less scary than face-to-face, at least at first) might be an idea. And you'd have an interest in common with other volunteers and staff.

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@mm25075,

Just picture anyone you are dealing with either naked or in their underwear - right there you have an edge up - at least you are clothed.

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"I Am Getting New Flooring" & Other Tales of a Hermit

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