Would you let your child change their name?

@aidan,

My daughter chose the name "Wiley" for herself. I don't know where that came from (I questioned her and all she would say is that she didn't know anything about the cartoon Coyote).

There is no way I am going to let her take this name in any legal sense until she is old enough to know better. If she wanted a name like Susan or Stephanie, I might think about it.

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@boomerang,

Two years' worth of insisting on the new name?

He sounds pretty determined.

Sounds as though it's important to him.

Is he able to tell you what it all means?

I'd be thinking of going with his wishes.

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@boomerang,

Cost a fortune?

Oh dear.

I'd not realised that.

I suspect it DOES have something to do with feelings about his birth family, and that was my interest....it'd be nice to be able to understand that.

Would it be simpler just to let everyone know formally that he is going by his chosen names... while his official name remains noted along with his chosen name on official documents?

That's what a foster kid I am seeing is doing...(with the approval of the department which has legal guardianship of him.)

His school etc. is aware that he is CALLED by his chosen surname, but his legal surname is also noted.

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@dlowan,

Yeah, 2.5 years' worth of consistency on this seems significant.

(ebrown... haven't you mentioned that your daughter likes Hannah Montana... aka Miley?)

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@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

My daughter chose the name "Wiley" for herself. I don't know where that came from (I questioned her and all she would say is that she didn't know anything about the cartoon Coyote).

There is no way I am going to let her take this name in any legal sense until she is old enough to know better. If she wanted a name like Susan or Stephanie, I might think about it.

Old enough to know better?

What's wrong with the name Wiley? I can't think of any negative connotations to it. Doesn't make me think of the cartoon coyote unless you mention it.

Of course I'm not saying a 4 year old should be allowed to legally change her name, but it's not like Susan or Stephanie is a better name. Sounds like a normal name to me.

It's like like she's asking to be called **** for Brains.

Now, if I had a daughter, and she wanted to change her name to something like Tiffany or Crystal, I'd let her know I didn't approve because that's a titty bar dancer name.

At least I could express why she'd regret it in years to come.

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Yeah deb, it would be nice to understand that. Since I don't... I hesitate.

Changing his name isn't going to erase that part of his life. If that DOES have something to do with his reasoning I think that needs to be addressed before we do anything.

Right now EVERYONE calls him by the name he chose except for his bio-people. Most people don't even know he has a different name. I'm not really sure why it is such a problem for him but the fact that it comes up again and again periodically makes me think it IS a problem for him.

I like the name Wiley too, ebrown and chai. One of my very favorite friends of Mo's is named Wiley (I wish I could give you his last name because it fits so perfectly with the first name but I don't want to "out" this kid on a2k!).

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tons of people (well a few anyway) that i know use a different name than that which is their legal given name. Most noteably my mother, whose real name is Ellen but she is known to all and sundry as Nelly.

I see notifications in the press occasionally that read Fred Bloggs (Known as Frodo) gives notice that....

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@dlowan,

Agreeing too with the determined sentiment. It also sounds like he's trying to come up with a self identity that he's happy carrying as a name.

Two quick stories.... My sister changed her name to "Nicky" when we moved to a new city. A few weeks after we moved the phone would ring and people would ask to speak to Nicky. None of us knew anyone named Nicky and said as much. It took a while but the upshot was that sis was trying to recreate herself in a new environment. We never called her Nicky but, eventuallyl, we did say, "Hold on, I'll get her" when she got calls.

Second story... a close friend of my daughter M all of a sudden announced that he was going by a different name. The family had recently gone through quite a bit of upheaval and everyone decided that if he wanted to be called by his chosen name rather then that was just fine. I guess he was trying to reinvent himself too.

I don't mean reinvent in any negative way, just set himself on an identity that he's chosen, rather than one that's been chosen for him. As to making a legal change???? I think I'd wait until he was older but 2.5 years says something.

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I saw this in Ask Amy the other day:

Quote:

Dear Amy: My parents named me after a nickname used by my grandmother.

It is an unusual name, and I have been ridiculed throughout my childhood, teenage years and into adulthood.

I legally changed my name and took my middle name as my first name 1 1/2 years ago, when I was 25.

I feel good about the change. I dealt with a lot of anger and depression over the years from being made fun of over my name.

My parents and sister refuse to call me anything other than my original name.

They introduce me to friends by this name, and continue to call me it in front of family and friends, who then continue to call me by that name too.

I have told them that I don't like this, but they say I need to grow a thicker skin and they will never call me anything different.

I don't know what to do other than cut off all communication with them.

Is it wrong of me to want them to call me by my legal first name?

-- Nicknamed

Dear Nicknamed: Unfortunately, your family members have basically declared to you that they don't respect your wishes, preferences or needs, so you are going to have to make a choice about how much of this you can tolerate.

A person's name is the first window into his or her personal identity.

Your name has caused you a lifetime of problems, and your family members are either dismissing your concerns because they don't understand how important this is -- or they are bullies whose message to you is that they -- not you -- get to decide who you are.

I hesitate to suggest that you cut off all communication, but you may want to minimize contact with them until you can see this as a reflection on them -- not you.

You should also continue to correct them very matter-of-factly when they introduce you incorrectly.

Over time, your legal name will prove "stickier" than this nickname.

Hmmmmmm.......

It makes me wonder if waiting is a good idea......

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He shoud adopt a name that he likes as soon as possible.

I waited too long to change my middle and last names.
I hated it; annoying.

David

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@engineer,

engineer wrote:

If you are ok with it, then it's fine, but I would make sure he knows that it's a one time deal.
I wouldn't want to get to the point where my child thinks you can change your name like a hair style.

Also, if he runs for President and his birth certificate doesn't match his name, there will be hell to pay.

Gerald Ford 's real name was: Leslie Lynch King, Jr

Clinton 's real name was Blythe. There are probably other changes.

David

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John Wayne's real name was Marion Morrison.

Cary Grant's real name was Archibald "Archie" Leach.

Sometimes you have GOT to change your name.

You might rent a DVD of the classic late 50s or early 60s Jason Robards film "A Thousand Clowns". His 11 year old nephew is his ward. One of the subplots is the kid doesn't like his name, for reasons I don't remember. Robards, a free spirit, tells him he can change his name as often as he likes and try a new one out, but on his 12th birthday he's going to have to pick one name and that's the one that's going to stick, and his 12th birthday is coming up soon (it's a subplot, the movie doesn't revolve around it). He makes his choice as the film is coming to a climax.Might spark some discussion and clarification of feelings on the issue.

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boomer, why wasn't the birth certificate and SS# changed when you adopted
Mo? Here in CA I had a choice to change my daughter's name at adoption -
which I did not, I like her given name and so did she. Nonetheless, the birth certificate was changed and does not show her biological name/parents at all.

I would contact Social Services first and tell them that Mo has a bad association with his given name and that you would like to change it. At the time when you do change it, have them issue a new birth certificate in your name too!

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@CalamityJane,

The birth certificate was changed when we adopted but that was before he started experimenting with his name and a year before he settled on the one he likes to be called now.

I like his given name. I especially like his middle name, which used to be his last name but makes a cool middle name. We just ditched his old middle name and added our last name to the end of his old name.

We too have an amended birth certificate showing me and Mr. B as parents.

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@boomerang,

Oh sorry boomer, I misunderstood you then.
Perhaps he associates his previous life with his given name and would like
to have a clean slate. He's almost 9 years old, right? Old enough to know
that he feels uncomfortable with his given name.

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Would you let your child change their name?

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