Would you let your child change their name?

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Mo wants to change his name. He brings this up a couple of times a year. Now is one of those times.

He has been going by the "new" name for more than two years. Everyone calls him by the new name. Hardly anyone ever calls him by his "real" name; when they do, he gets mad.

I've always told him that when he gets to be an adult that he can change it if he still wants to.

But today it struck me that the older you get the harder it might be to make all the necessary notifications as to the name change. Mo's name already changed very slightly once before -- when we adopted him. It was kind of a hassle to get everything updated.

Would you let your kid change their name?

At what age would you allow them to do so?

Thanks!

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@boomerang,

He's old enough to make that decision when he's old enough to pick his own tattoos. Right now seems a little early.

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@boomerang,

I picked my name, Robert, when I was 10. I think it's fine to let him change names as long as you are willing to put up with the hassle.

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I've always thought that adulthood would be the right time too, roger.

I was 29 when I got married and changing my name was a real ordeal since I had so much history under my maiden name. It kind of makes sense to do it early.

You were raised in such an unusual environment, Robert. Was it difficult to get a new name? Did you have to do something legal to change it or did you just start going by your new name?

The laws seem to be a little tricky when it comes to minors changing their names. I have no idea what it costs.

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@boomerang,

If you are ok with it, then it's fine, but I would make sure he knows that it's a one time deal. I wouldn't want to get to the point where my child thinks you can change your name like a hair style. Also, if he runs for President and his birth certificate doesn't match his name, there will be hell to pay.

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@boomerang,

I didn't have any US documents till that age so it didn't require a legal name change, my Japanese documents simply had a different name than my new US documents did.

I do know that the more you have in your name in the US, the harder it is to change, but I don't know anything about minors doing it specifically. I would guess it's a lot easier prior to having credit lines.

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Aren't you just talking about his first name though?

Yeah, I know the hassle of changing last names due to marriage/divorce etc., but wouldn't he be keeping his last name?

IMO it would be easier to do now since he doesn't have much history under his current name.

How about if you make a deal where his current first name becomes his middle name?

It's not like he keep switching what name he want to be called by, is it? I remember when you first talked about this, how happy I felt that you respected him so much to give him credit for knowing what he wanted to be known by.

I vote for do it.

He will always remember that, and appreciate it.

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He has made up new first AND middle names that he wants to change. Thankfully he wants to keep our last name -- I'd have a hard time letting him change that.

Right now his middle name is his old last name.

Strangely enough, the middle name he made up for himself is a very common last name (Jones).

The only people who call him by his given name are the few people from his biological family that he still sees. I guess I worry a little bit about his motivation, whether it has something to do with that.

Once in a while I slip up and call him by his given name and he gets totally pissed.

Sometimes the kids at school tease him about not using his real name (his teacher wouldn't allow him to be called by his new name, for whatever dumb reason she had) and so a few kids remember it.

I told him that legally changing his name probably wouldn't stop the teasing since the kids know it makes him mad.

From what I'm seeing online changing a minors name is pretty complicated, they recommend you hire an attorney. I don't want to spend a fortune on this but I'm starting to sway towards the idea that it isn't such a bad idea.

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@boomerang,

I guess it depends on the state....

For example, the instructions from CA - says right there you probably don't need a lawyer to change your child's name.

I'd do a search for your state and name change for a minor.

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I found this:

Quote:

Oregon Name Change Law

CHANGE OF NAME 33.410 Jurisdiction; grounds. Application for change of name of a person may be heard and determined by the probate court or, if the circuit court is not the probate court, the circuit court if its jurisdiction has been extended to include this section pursuant to ORS 3.275 of the county in which the person resides. The change of name shall be granted by the court unless the court finds that the change is not consistent with the public interest. [Amended by 1967 c.534 s.11; 1975 c.733 s.1]

33.420 Notice of application and decree; certificate; minor children. (1) Before decreeing a change of name, except as provided in ORS 109.360, the court shall require public notice of the application to be given, that all persons may show cause why the same should not be granted. The court shall also require public notice to be given of the change after the entry of the decree.

(2) Before decreeing a change of name in the case of a minor child the court shall require that, in addition to the notice required under subsection (1) of this section, written notice be given to the parents of the child, both custodial and noncustodial, and to any legal guardian of the child. [Amended by 1983 c.369 s.6; 1997 c.872 s.22]

33.430 Name of child on birth certificate, how changed; court conference with child. (1) In the case of a change, by court order, of the name of the parents of any minor child, if the child's birth certificate is on file in this state, the State Registrar of the Center for Health Statistics, upon receipt of a certified copy of the court order changing the name, together with the information required to locate the original birth certificate of the child, shall prepare a new birth certificate for the child in the new name of the parents of the child. The name of the parents as so changed shall be set forth in the new certificate, in place of their original name.

(2) The evidence upon which the new certificate was made, and the original certificate, shall be sealed and filed by the State Registrar of the Center for Health Statistics, and may be opened only upon demand of the person whose name was changed, if of legal age, or by an order of a court of competent jurisdiction.

(3) When a change of name by parents will affect the name of their child or children under subsection (1) of this section, the court, on its own motion or on request of a child of the parents, may take testimony from or confer with the child or children and may exclude from the conference the parents and other persons if the court finds that such action would be in the best interests of the child or children. However, the court shall permit an attorney for the parents to attend the conference, and the conference shall be reported. If the court finds that a change of name would not be in the best interests of the child, the court may provide in the order changing the name of the parents that such change of name shall not affect the child, and a new birth certificate shall not be prepared for the child. [Amended by 1983 c.369 s.7]

33.440 Application by minor child; court conference. When a minor child applies for a change of name under ORS 33.410, the court may, upon its own motion, confer with the child and may exclude from the conference the parents and other persons if the court finds that such action would be in the best interests of the child. However, the court shall permit an attorney for the child to attend the conference, and the conference shall be reported. [1983 c.369 s.5]

It sounds kind of complicated. Plus, Mo has two birth certificates -- the original and the amended -- already. I don't know if that would make it even more complicated.

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@boomerang,

It does - I stopped half way after trying to read it. I looked up Mass. and the nice thing about Mass is if you have difficulty filling out the forms, etc and need more help, it directs you to this website where you can get assistance and the cost is less than $200.

I wonder if you could call the probate court and some one could walk you through it or direct you. Of course only if you want to bother with all this stuff.

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I think it depends on the state you live in. In Massachusetts you don't need to go to court, you can decide to change your name, and as long as you're not doing it with criminal intent, that's all you need to do legally (so I'm told, tho I would still check the court system). there's a guy in my town whose full legal name is "Turtle"--one word-- I think he did have to go to court to get that accepted. Whether that applies to minors, with parental consent, I'm not sure. Sorry.

My ex-girlfriend's youngest son was (and I guess still is) named Owen. His school had a field trip to Ireland, he went, and decided to change the spelling to one of the several Gaelic spellings, "Eoin" (which is still pronounced "Owen"). First time she saw it, it threw one of his friends for a loop. She asked him , What's that? Yoin?" So her pet name for him became "Yoinky"for the rest of the time they were in school. I think he was kind of ambivalent about it.

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@boomerang,

I am not a legal expert, but here is a website to assist you with legally changing your name in Oregon

http://newlastname.org/or-oregon/legal-name-change

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That is so funny!

My four year old daughter has decided to change her name as well... she now introduces herself with the new name and insists that friends and family use her new name.

I have been hoping she will grow out of it-- but it has been a few months now.

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@ebrown p,

If my child didn't like his/her name - I'd let him/her change it. I changed my daughter's given name when I adopted her (at four months) and I've told her what her given name was and asked her if she felt more of a connection to that name or the name that we gave her. I always felt a little guilty about changing her name.
She's happy with her name as it is now legally, but if she preferred the first name she was given, I would readily agree. I think it's more important that the person who is bearing the name needs to feel connected to that name and its connotations moreso than the feelings of anyone else.
(I liked her original given name, but her father didn't- that's why we changed it. I like the name we gave her better than the original name - but I could definitely have lived with her original name).

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A relative's son changed his name as a young teen to Gator. I know it wasn't a legal change, or I think I know that, but in everyday life he was Gator to all for the next number of decades. I suppose he pays his taxes under his rather germanic real name combo. This makes me wonder. He's now a school principle.. wonder what he is known by to his colleagues and the students.

On the middle name, I didn't have one on my birth certificate. As a teen I used my confirmation name (my aunt's) when I filled out work forms or other applications. I got a social security number early in life (long story about being in commercials) but before the confirmation thing. When my religion gene frizzled and my respect for that aunt dissolved in some overlapping years, I stopped using that on any forms. I have an odd regret - a cousin had always had the maiden name of our grandmother as her middle name. I was sort of envious for years as I still really like that name. Doh, I could have added that at any time along the way. A little late now, but I wish I'd thought of it.

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@boomerang,

Ducklet has been wanting the same middle name for two years now. I told her I would help her change it when she's ready. I think that if he has been consistent about the name long enough that it can't be mistaken for an impulse then you should let him. And I think it could be harder when he is older.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

Mo wants to change his name. He brings this up a couple of times a year. Now is one of those times.

He has been going by the "new" name for more than two years. Everyone calls him by the new name. Hardly anyone ever calls him by his "real" name; when they do, he gets mad.

I'm curious, boomerang. Why do you think Mo thinks his original first & middle names are so inappropriate? (Connections with his original family?) Sounds like he has very strong feelings about this, anyway!

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I don't know why he is unsatisfied with it just being a nickname. I was hoping the whole name changing thing would die off.

His poor kindergarten teacher! That's when he first started changing his name and he went by about six different names during that school year. He wouldn't respond at all if she called him the wrong name. I don't know how she kept track but she did! I can't even remember all the names he used.

But about 2.5 years ago he settled on the one he uses now and has stuck with it. I guess I just want to make sure that he's old enough to remember that it was HIS idea to change it. He's 8 and 9/12ths right now, which, to me, means he's just entering the "clear memory" part of his life.

In some ways I wouldn't mind putting it off for a while.

On the other hand we'll probably need to apply for passports in the next few years (Mr. B has ample opportunities to travel internationally but he's dodged it wanting Mo to be a little older so that we can all go). It's already a hassle even when we travel within the US because his ticket has to be under his legal name, when security questions him it has been problematic a time or two.

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@msolga,

Quote:

I'm curious, boomerang. Why do you think Mo thinks his original first & middle names are so inappropriate? (Connections with his original family?) Sounds like he has very strong feelings about this, anyway!

You know, it might sound goofy but I think this is my biggest problem with letting him change it.

I've personally known adoptees that were royally pissed that "even my name was taken from me when I was adopted". I was sensitive to this and that's why his current legal middle name is his old last name. Luckily it is a name that works for either.

And it's a perfectly nice name. It isn't a weird name. It isn't spelled silly. It's a really fine name. When I ask him why he doesn't like it he can't explain. He either truly doesn't know or he can't express it yet.

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Would you let your child change their name?

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