Custody Battle

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I am a father in a custody battle. I have a 4 yr old son who is having a hard time adjusting with his mother. I had a closet relationship with him than his mother. Every time she picks him up he starts crying saying things like he "hates his mom" and dosen't want to go with her. I am at the end of the process and am waiting to hear what the pychiatrists recommendation. Please any words of wisdom? Any men out there have sole custody? Thanks

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Yes, there are many instances where fathers get custody. But I see a bigger issue here and that is how this youngster is talking to his mother. You must stop this ASAP.

He cannot talk that way to his mother - or any other female.

One of the toughest jobs of "fathering" is to socialize our little boys. One job is to teach them how to have repect for women. Teach him to use words like "angry about . . , frustrated about . . and mad about . . .'

He is picking up these feelings from the tension he feels bewteen you and mom. Try to be calm when interacting with mom in front of him.

Are you sure you are ready for full-time primary custody? He is still very little. You would have to get a babysitter while you work.

What's wrong with a very liberal visitations?. If he were older, I might feel differently. But he's still very much a baby and needs to be with mom for the day to day stuff (unless of corse she is an unfit mother)

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@sullyfish6,

What his mother did is lied and got a order of protection so she can flee our home. So what she did to him is traumatizing. I couldn't see him for 21 days not knowing if he was ok and where she took him. She was a working mom so my mom was his primary care taker. My son grew up with my mom and sister. His mother took him away from the people he mosrt love. He is mad because he wants his home back. When we were living together him and I had a closer relationship. Not all mothers are nourishing! I do tell my son not to talk like that about his mom and he replies " I don't care." You have to consider his mom is very unstable and can't make a decision for herself let alone to lead a child in the right direction.

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@sullyfish6,

sullyfish6 wrote:

Are you sure you are ready for full-time primary custody? He is still very little. You would have to get a babysitter while you work.

... and so would Mother, wouldn't she, sully?

Quote:

What's wrong with a very liberal visitations?

Liberal visitations with Mother might just be in the best interests of the child.

Quote:

If he were older, I might feel differently. But he's still very much a baby and needs to be with mom for the day to day stuff (unless of corse she is an unfit mother)

Huh? Where out in left field did you craft that little gem of wisdom? He "needs" to be with his mom for day to day stuff? As if fathers are incapable of "day to day" child rearing? As if every fit mother is preferable to a fit father as the primary caretaker until the child turns a specific prescribed age (what was that age again?), at which point it is safe to allow the father to participate in the parenting process?

Unbelievable.

1 Reply

@Ticomaya,

He will be 5 in 1 month. I am in business with my brother so I have a flexable schedule. Plus my daycare would be my mom his GRANDMOTHER the lady who was raising him for the last 4 years. I don't need a stranger babysitting my kid when I have FAMILY that could do it.

NOT ALL MOTHERS ARE GOOD MOTHERS!!!!!! Peolple need to get that out of there brain!!!!!!!!

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@May2008,

Just to let you know May - 5 years old is no longer a baby. 5 years old most children go to kindergarten - many full time. My daughter went to kindergarten last year at 5. She was there from 8:30 - 2:30 and sometimes until 6:00 if either me or her dad couldn't get away from work. It wasn't every day, but 3 days a week. I know many schools where it is 5 days a week. It isn't hard on the kids and my daughter loved it.

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@May2008,

May2008 wrote:

order of protection

Did you fight the order of protection? You have that option to show the court she 'lied'. If you have been served with it, you shouldn't be anywhere near her and I highly doubt the court would still allow you to see the child if it's true.

How is she an unfit mother?

Why did she flee her home, was she afraid you would come after her and physically hurt her?

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We don't know enough here.
I'm a female poster who sides with the men from time to time, depending on circumstances as I understand them.
Our poster may have been dealt some bad cards - I've seen that happen - or he might have deserved them. You could use an attorney, May2008.

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@MagicBlackCat,

Orders of Protection are just as likely completely bogus as they are grounded in fact. They are very often used by one of the parties to gain an advantage, perceived or otherwise, in their family law litigation. It would certainly not be appropriate to presume as factual whatever the allegations are.

I've seen Orders of Protection issued based simply on the spurious allegations of one parent that the other parent allowed their children to remain in dirty clothing. That, of course, speaks more to the Judge who signed the order than the parent seeking it.

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@Ticomaya,

Yes. I get completely that she may have lied to get the order but something about this seems off.

If he has an OoP he would not be able to see her in person unless it stipulates that. How is it tramatizing to the child to be removed from his home if he has his mother to take care of him? Simply because she is working does not mean the grandmother is the best child care option.

Again, I'd like to know if she lied to get the OoP, did May fight it? He does have the option if it's within a certain time period.

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@MagicBlackCat,

Not everyone fights right away. Not everyone has a sense of how to connect to the legal system. We are not all legally swift.

I've no idea re the virtues of May2008's take on things, hope that can be heard and hope he is represented in that.

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@May2008,

May2008 wrote:

What his mother did is lied and got a order of protection so she can flee our home. So what she did to him is traumatizing. I couldn't see him for 21 days not knowing if he was ok and where she took him. She was a working mom so my mom was his primary care taker. My son grew up with my mom and sister. His mother took him away from the people he mosrt love. He is mad because he wants his home back. When we were living together him and I had a closer relationship. Not all mothers are nourishing! I do tell my son not to talk like that about his mom and he replies " I don't care." You have to consider his mom is very unstable and can't make a decision for herself let alone to lead a child in the right direction.

Assuming what you are saying is true, you need a good lawyer... and the sooner the better. The longer you forfeit your rights, the harder they will be to retrieve. I don't know the laws of every state, but would assume that by now all states recognize mothers and fathers as equals, as a statutory starting point, before cause is shown to deviate. In most cases, I would tend to agree that taking away Grandparents, and especially those who have been instrumental in raising children, is a horrible thing to do. I don't know about your state, but here in Wisconsin those grandparents would have standing to fight for visitation for themselves, if they were so inclined.

Not to impugn you, May, but generally speaking; something about your story gives me pause. Your phrasing "flee our home" strikes me as odd. Leaving you equals "fleeing"? I agree with Tico regarding the 50/50 shot that accusations are exaggerated, if not unfounded... but I'd wager the majority of false allegations do not involve "fleeing", rather they involve booting the other party out and retaining possession of the home and it's contents (at least temporarily). Why would she “flee”?

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@MagicBlackCat,

What seems off??? What don't you understand that WOMEN ARE EVIL? Yes the order of protection was dropped there has been no evidence of what she was accusing. Maybe you are not family oriented but I want my kid to be close to his family. especially if his GRANDMA was his primary care taker. I was sending him to school but his mother would rather him go to day care. He is now behind comparing to kids his age because daycare centers are only BABYSITTERS.

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@Ticomaya,

Yes, thank you! It seems you are the only educated one on this board. Everyone else seems to open there mouth without knowing anything. Anyone can get a order of protection the judge has too, to save there butt for legal matter. Ood was given to people who were abused and threatened. Not to EVIL females that take advantage of the system.

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@ossobuco,

I dealt with a heartless person. My ood was dropped of course because there is no evidence! Yes, I have a really good lawyer and I just have to pay the evaluator to see his report. I am at the end of this journey.

1 Reply

@May2008,

I can understand that you are angry - but there is no need to lash out at the people here - you have only given us pieces so it is tough to tell what is really going on. And in most cases, even where a couple splits, it is best for the child to have both mom and dad involved. Remember your child's mother is also his family - not just you and your mom.

Now I agree if the child's mother is unfit then it would be best for the child not to be involved with her - but remember it is your child's mother and he will love her. And not all women are evil. And not all women would not want their child to be involved their child's dad even if they were split. Some of your comments sound so biased, what sort of responses do you expect?

Most people here are trying to help. Stating all women are evil and all daycares are just babysitting is not true. Many daycares have pre-school and kindergarten curriculims. Many do give high quality care - many do not. My older daughter attended one for pre-school and they also had a kindergarten program where they learned to read and write, etc.

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@Linkat,

Exactly if you don't know the entire story WHY make comments just ask. I am far from being biased there you go accusing without knowing me. Well maybe the daycare center you send your kids has school curriculims but this one doesn't they are NOT certified teachers. My son barely knows how to count doesn't know his colors. I am just concerned because I want him to get the best education but obviously his it doesn't bother his mom. What is your definition of unfit?? It makes you a fit parent if you can put cloths on your kid and feed them pizza every night?? There is more to being a good parent besides putting frozen foods on the table.

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@Linkat,

Another thing,,,,you are putting words in my mouth. Where did you see I put ALL women. Thats why I am lashing out do you see why?? You need to really read first before you comment.

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@May2008,

You are biased when you say all daycares are babysitting and all women are evil. It is the all. If you were to say the daycare where my child's mother wants to send him is just a babysitter and/or she is evil, then you are referring to one situation.

I think your anger is getting the better of you - by your "all" comments - you are putting others on the defensive. That's all I am saying - and many have asked questions for clarification. People will make certain assumptions especially if your post appears to be biased or one-sided.

I am not trying to rile you up - just trying to help - in other words if you want good advice from us rather than a defensive remark back or comments that may not be helpful, it is best to give more info. If you want to vent and say stuff like all women are evil to get it off your chest - just say you are venting - we all do that.

1 Reply

@May2008,

Quote:

What don't you understand that WOMEN ARE EVIL
Quote:

and

Quote:
[He is now behind comparing to kids his age because daycare centers are only BABYSITTERS.
/quote]

You are right this not "all" - it just reads like all. And the caps with women part kinda comes across as if you really don't like women much.

3 Replies

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