Spontaneous Poems

Ok, maybe not a poem, but as spontaneous as can be. I fell in love with a lesbian girl a few months ago, which was both exciting and confusing, considering my sexuality. Ok, not sure if I was loving her or the idea of her. Often we marry the idea of the people we are with, not them. A construct, made by the media and life experiences, imagining how better life could be if we were with someone like them. Then again, I'm only a bachelor, what do I know about marriages. Ideas: Now I can write a book about ideas. Right now I'm here orgasming to the idea of you knowing me, I mean, really knowing me. I could keep quiet, I could write gibberish and you would understand, almost like right now. Ok, where were we, Love.

I love falling in love, not being in love
The long drives to nowhere, the awkward questions 'what are we'
Getting you pissed at me just so I could kiss your cheek the next day
The flattery, asking you to take your pants off, then panties
Not so we could get naughty, just to see how far can I push my luck
How deep is this affection rooted, how far can I go before you say 'No'
Or wanna run home or call your boyfriend to come get you

Yes, the boyfriend
I love getting naughty with girls in relationships, they are the best
The hesitation lasts longer, the YES-NOs, you cant make out
I love being in control, but not responsible
I love being the guy to put that smile on your face
Not being the guy expected to put that smile on your face
I love being the cute young prince, just make sure the King lives on
Don't judge me as yet, there is more, hear the whole story then hate me fully
Yes, hate, that's one thing I never want in half measures

My love is pure, uncorrupted
My love sticks with you when your boyfriend got you pregnant and wanna leave
My love gets you naked and do naughty things under the moon light
My love stays when everyone leaves
If we don't end up together, never doubt the love I had for you
For when you are down and out, I will be there just to make you smile

Well, it ended up being poem-like.. Let's call it - My Playful Love by Phoerus

The girl is Julie, she’s a prick,
A stupid ****, a dumbass bitch.
She thinks she’s all that, she thinks she’s fly,
She needs to be bitch slapped and this is why.
Who told her she has the right to be stuck up,
Acting classy and treating us like **** ups?
She needs her ass kicked, we say this right out,
One day we will knock her lights out.
Bring her down and set her straight
Fall on her ass cuz it’s her we hate.

Is Julie the manager you used to look up to?

whew

nope, just the girl I'm jealous of. And that's not even her real name.

Along with...

As cathartic as this poem might be for you? You got some serious emotional and violence related issues going on here.

No the **** I don't. I have serious emotional issues, but not violence. I don't physically kick people's asses in real life, although I did get into fist fights in middle school.

Something is seriously wrong when your spontaneous thoughts are about some girl you think should be punished simply because you are jealous of her. Maybe you should get some help.

That's exactly my point. Thanks Glitterbag.

Thank you ol pal

I'm jealous for the right reasons tho. She gets to look up to people (e.g. my former supervisor) w/o inciting negative reactions from them. I don't have that privilege. You'll understand when everyone you've ever looked up to walk out on you permanently just because you looked up to them.

Dude, you described your behavior regarding 'looking up to her' like a creepy demented stalker. If my subordinates came in on their days off, or listened in on meetings they were not involved in I would not feel flattered or pleased that someone 'looked up' to me. That's not admiration, that's obsessive and to just to add insult to injury now you're furious that another worker seems to get along with the boss. Maybe 'Julie' doesn't behave in a creepy fashion and the boss doesn't see her as clingy...........hmmmmmmmmm.........what do you suppose is happening??????? I know what's happening, you are smothering the people you supposedly admire, and resent the other folks who don't make the boss feel uncomfortable. Try harder to be pleasant and professional and stop blaming other people. Maybe you see yourself as friendly, but I'm afraid you don't recognize boundaries. That will make the object of your 'admiration' feel a tad violated.

Renting another space in your head for free
As your hatred waxes
Who’s gonna pay the property taxes?

Not me.

There's a lot of intentional self-censorship in all of your posts here (not failing to mention that I suspect that you have a dozen other accounts on a2k that illustrates/illustrated a very explicit pattern of behavior).

You're NOT getting into trouble because you place certain people on a pedestal (albeit that doesn't help your social and/or work situation). I'll assume that your behavior off and on duty at work and elsewhere makes your attempt "to look up to people" as either disingenuous, cynical and manipulative at worst or really tone deaf at best.

This isn't an attack or an insult but an observation (even if you are a completely separate individual to the one we at a2k are all too familiar with here at this forum). And once again, I'll proffer the same advice for you to consider or outright reject: get some state funded counseling. Stick with that therapy. LISTEN directly to what that therapist has to say and take it with a healthy grain of salt and not kneejerkishly dismiss the help and professional advice they're providing ... because that advice emotionally conflicts with your level of emotional and social maturity.

I don't expect you to take this to heart but I really suspect years from now that you will absolutely regret not taking it now or sooner if you just simply dismiss it outright.

Many of us here have gone through much similar social and/or work arrangements. Me? I truly regret my choices to dismiss help from others that I was offered when I was younger.

I never had any bad intentions and would never hurt anyone. In fact, I had only good intentions and that is to look up to someone just like everyone else gets to. I'm jealous that Julie (and a shitload of others) gets to have a close relationship with that supervisor after she looked up to her. After I looked up to that supervisor, well, it's a whole different story.

So if by tone deaf you mean incompetent, that would better describe me. I'm incompetent because I don't understand much of what happened to me. All I know is that my supervisor used to like me and was really nice to me until she suddenly changed drastically.

You're five thousand light years away from what I'm telling you.

Tone deaf
In this context, you're not incompetent but incapable of seeing that your conduct and behavior ...
1. ... isn't how you describe it here (likely unintentional);
2. ... what you write here is what you misperceive/misinterpret your own actions and behaviors towards others to be;
3. What you define as looking up to others is likely literally what no one else in the world defines that very common, often misplaced behavior.

I'm basically strongly implying the possibility that you are relatively deep into the autism spectrum (and that you likely don't intellectually and/or emotionally grasp it though you may have been told your status).

It's your head that's being rented, you are the very one that will have to pay the fee.

Not the person that doesn't even realize she's in your thoughts.

I asked this in another thread darkangel, but I would like to know (with specifics) what your definition of "looking up to" someone is.

You use that phrase to the exclusion of all others that could signify your feelings towards someone.

What specifically has this person done that causes you to "look up to" him/her?
Most importantly, I think we'd all like to know what "looking up to" means to you.

Exactly.