Spontaneous Poems

jjorge. Welcome back.

Haven't written in a while, so here goes a really spontaneous one. (this is the unedited version, fresh from the thoughts)

Returning to the dark corner
in my closet
looking for the madness
I've longed for like a romance
lived in daydreams
letting the iron taste
blend with green beans
fresh and bright
but rotting like a ticking clock

What is wrong with a little madness?
Screaming out truth like it's a lie
breaking glass with flesh
to conjure up some red
tasting a chemical
for dilated eyes
grasping that one chance
soaking your eyes in nothing
and loving it

some day you'll add a dimension
breaking through LCD
erupting in headphones
and scratching the eyes
tickling gray matter
with rough words of friction
and a beautiful sour
drying out sweat
making what's moist and rich
more beautiful than a brightly colored
pill

and within all this
a brick wall reinforced
by the things that scream
into your handicapped drum

Breaking at the point of madness
is the chalkboard teacher
who appreciates the apple
of an eager child waiting
for questions

tell me of one thing that makes sense
I'm not talking about science, Thales and his Greek friends
"the earth is flat", or is that a past tense
I'm thinking greener pastures on my side of the fence
getting a queen to confess her love for me, no suspense
so my eyes never wander again across the picket fence

was in a train when I first saw her
thought she was the gem poets spoke of in their sonnets
was waiting for an ideal time to chill and connect
with a humble soul, that seemed perfect
she looked my way, had me back in cliches defect
"maybe she wasn't the type, maybe she will reject"
instant ideas I had of her..of me and her..of me, her and them

moved over and greeted..her smile lit up my past
forgot about my issues with women, counselling and all those sessions
"lie on your back, close your eyes and breathe...."
waste of time, when all the psychiatrist should have given me was her
I'm not talking hanky-panky or the deep stuff that the world has made shallow
losing your virginity few days after that Twitter follow
a relationship started in the bedroom to me seems hollow

I remember love when I think of Adiama
a perfect Ethiopian lady I met in Milan
she spoke nor English, neither did I, Italian
the stares we shared told the full story
on how your heart can choose a stranger from a different land
she held my hand .. she must have felt the same...
she started blushing.. she must have felt the same....

Hit me like a truck that one. I can relate.

There is never a time
Quite so silent
As when you are trying to fill
An empty space

But silence is not nothing
Though quiet and unsaid
Silence screams with volume
In an empty space

Cradled in this silence
I wear it like armor
It's sound so eerily absent
In an empty space

Trying to fill an empty space
My armor on
My thoughts unsaid
Silence sings instead


(Then there is the paradoxical irony of writing a spontaneous poem about not being able to write a spontaneous poem.)

buy me coffee
let's sit down
tell me something I haven't heard
what will our future be
if we keep repeating what's been said
go crazy with ideas
maybe later we can implement

to the previous generation
the future of the offspring always seem sad
"back in our days, things have changed"
phrases that drive me mad
go forth son, you are loved dearly
don't try and change the world
MJ already did that
be creative, be yourself
perhaps find inspiration in his hat

you better be ready when it hits
this is neither the loss of your beloved, where your heart splits
nor the second return, end of days when you feel the heat
I'm talking the music is still playing you just don't hear the beats
everyone is staring at you, knowing you were always the sh!t
swaying with the new girl every summer just doesn't seem to fit
you are now committed, fell in love could swear it was bottomless pit
the music went off, you have no chair to sit

you better be ready for it when it hits
I'm talking 2 a.m. when amnesia pays you a visit
you are a man, bound to his transgressions
bad judgements you made under the influence
of love, lies, self deception nothing neat inside your fence

you better be ready for it when it hits
treat every man as though they were your sons
every daughter as you wished for your own
so when it's dark and you all alone
you lie there with only wrinkles but no frown on your face
for you lived your life as though it was borrowed

I hate what education did to me
grew up a lovely first son
heir to my father's throne
though he didn't have enough to leave for inheritance
all I ever wanted was to be half the man he was
to love, to live to be there for my loved ones

I hate what education did to me
could never drink milk from a young age
it was normal, in the family I wasn't the only one
no matter what happened I always fitted in
"lactose intolerant, perfectionist, mama's boy...
.. unstable, attention deficiency dis..." STOP
started as explaining my behaviour
next thing, it was dictating my terms
"No.. You are doing it wrong
you have ADD you are meant to behave this way"
.....
I was a normal son but education happened
I was a good man, until doctors taught me how to be

cards were dealt.. the royalties, kings and queens
princesses with fragile hearts and big dreams
change the world, be good to strangers
from my tender hands to my mom's table
Jack of spades, Jack Daniels….
that's my lucky combination
something unnerving about venturing into the dark
2 a.m. chats are bound to turn dim
for our internal lights don't last long after sunset
something amazing about conquering the dark
for we were made to shine, despite circumstance

cards were dealt.. the royalties acted like laymen
from my trembling arms to my mom's bed
moaning, groaning. sounds we should fear
blood, sweat, tears, metaphoric jizm
taking or making of a new life.. prematurely
its best and the worst things in life that call for fluids

cards were dealt… just another girl, to me she was royalty
vowed to treat you like queen, a mother to princes and princesses
what we started on my mom's house, has received the blessings
from my grandfathers, and yours.. good genes
swear to treat her like a lady despite how our love started

Thank you!

let's have a toast

to those who watched us as we grew older
to those who loved what we were but wished it was never us
to the envy that turned sour because success was not meant for everyone
a moment for the 'I am sorry' that never meant anything
to shredded yellow flowers and their lost meaning
to that all important third chance we never got because blew the second
just that one last…..
one last try she could have afforded me before marrying a guy she never loved
to the miserable life she lived after taking a 'safe' man, and called him Mr right
to the letters I wrote to myself because I never had a chance to tell them in person

to the I love you, I love you…… I really do
to the I love you I used as a magic wand to get their sweet daughters to bed
to the I love you they used to put food on the table, the lies, the guilt
the I love you they used to afford the new iPhone, for souls we lost
to the bodies that now walk the street with no conscience or care
to the people that loved me but died too early leaving this scorching sun on my head
to the psychiatrist that told me how to deal with loss while she never even lost a cat

to that little girl who knew love more than her grown uncle
to the young boy that lost his innocence to his bible teacher
to Lord's name we used to hide our sins that were never washed away
to that disgusting zipper sound she still hears years after meeting a good man
the happy masks we wore, the beers, chants, laughter and good times we shared
this is to calling life great, despite the darkness
this is to a new year, another chance to be better beings

musings of a darker shade

I wished upon a star one day, they called me young, naive
I couldn't fight back, they seemed to know more
from that day on, I died inside and kept my thoughts mine
from that day on, I lived inside and kept my internal joy despite the weather
I called that 'life' at its greatest.. origin and destination
before getting rattled up by the length and hunger of the path
or when the end so nigh, the rattle snakes shake you no more
superhuman dreams and envies gone like the morning mist
like a house on its foundation, we are the strongest when we are simply human

almost stood up and shouted loud 'how to achieve world peace'
I was that spark , had a plan worked out to the tee
but I was the wrong skin colour, wrong age, no one would have listened
if my shade was kissed just a bit less by the sun, YOU would have listened
I am that spark, I have found peace, but alone, what's the use
they look at me and see my background, socio-economic status
I offer a helping hand she screams 'take the change, just don't kill me'
I smile and take no offence, for I am at peace

wanna talk to an old hateful man before he dies
I'm talking a grieving Solomon at the Ecclesiastes
look into his eyes as they turn white, give him the peace he searched for his whole life
don't know if you noticed, but I'm the nitty gritty, rubber hitting the concrete kinda guy
everything out in black and white, only smile when its from the heart
judge me before we speak, make me feel less superhuman
for when I am simply human I shine like humans were meant to…...

walking in a snowless wood
i chanced upon a divergent path
i wondered what would frost have done
i wondered at the math
would he have chanced upon unworlds
would he have found the graph
not to his faith an undecipherable mess
would his grip but tighten round his staff

Chronic hazy days
I'm barely getting by
I know im wasting time
cause every day im high
I need to change my ways
But I'm hooked in a daze
It sucks to have ta hustle
An run the roads all day
its depressing an it's stressful
trying to live this way
So much money gone
i can't believe I'm broke
Now im picking up pop cans
to buy my next bag of smoke

I don't think I need to say anything talks cheap an words are fickle
my emotions are more misplaced an scrabbled then any riddle
simply put words can't express what I feel an idk if the feelings I have are real but I keep my faith if it's love it won't always be counseled misleading misplaced or taunting me by its appeal I feel like I'm being teased by something that isn't there only ever been beside me in my dreams quit fcking with me I plead is this real or just make believe cant you here my screams it's you that's caused my heart to bleed an toss nightly in my sheets loves a night mare...

Lonely an lost so much time wasted
I'm now paying the cost
after all this time I've blazed it
lost in a haze my world is starting to crumble
there will be better days I sit here feeling humble
still stuck in my own inner maze
myself my own enemy my friends been forgetting me
used an abused but i wont give up on hopes so let them cripple me
who's with me? god is ..

Your contribution is appreciated. Thanks trapdaddy.

Before bed I look at my friend slash enemy I ask Mirror Mirror on the wall
Show your face before you fall Why aren't you smiling why do you cry
What’s the truth is it a lie In my eyes there was tears Don't look now
hide from your fears Walking past another day Quickly glancing you could say
Reflecting back peeking to see Is it Someone else or is it thee
Mirror mirror on the wall Show your face before you fall
Be gone now i turn off the light Another day another fight
I Do not care to look again the appearance Will be the same now as then
just a glimpse of beauty when I look at me i know I'm no monster in reality...

Ya blame the world to justify your life yet you sit back an let life pass you by Waiting an crying wont make it all right Yet you sit there an wait for the light That you feel is due why is it due What did you do
Why would the world owe something to you
You've done nothing but wait an subdue all that inspiration ya hold inside
You burry it deeper to protect your stubborn pride
Sayin your just along for the ride But as you wait more of you dies
You need to take the time to see all ya need is to believe In the millions of possibilities Before you become a bigger part of me wake up an be free...

I'm high Up again tonight it's dark outside writing under candle light
chilling in the living room slash kitchen got my mind on a mission where we going steady itching maybe off these perks I been gettin but it's got me thinking an a wishin eyes blood shot ima man full of ambition high off this bud been contributing to the fund chillin wit my homey Kenny Bennett he's on the run hiding in the dark Paranoid smoking crack talkin bout he just did 51 months he can't go back I Tell him get the visine no need to worry if any pigs fck with us well have them buried you know you rolling with the boss man so past the pop can I add some ashes off the blunt that I'm cashin I said **** man lets not sit here being bored lets ride out to the dealer get destroyed he said ya got my back I said yeah you my boy he like hey man if you don't care let me drive if we see blue lights I got my 9 they'll never take us alive running 185 I reply fck it my license are suspended for DUI we pull out broad side onto 25 at 3am this town is dead outside trying not to look suspicious but we fly being mischvis look out for trouble when we arrive almost at the dealer I cock my 45 we gonna strive for credit or rob them blind if they fight back then we pop were to far gone off this **** we can't be stopped bitches get brave we ain't afraid we drop grenades blown up **** has hit the fan he tired to ran my pistol in his mouth is not his friend he led us to his stash begged us not to shoot him in the ass he had some cash...idk sleepy