Oh, lonesome me

college is a great opportunity to find friends for there is such a great variety of people...get involved in clubs and sports

http://www.jiddukrishnamurti.org/loneliness.htm

You seem like a nice, thoughtful person. I'm not just saying that - I have read many of your posts, and that's the impression I've gotten of you.
I'm sure someone will see that in you and be drawn to you and want to be your friend, whether it's at college or somewhere else.

I think most people go through this sort of isolated, lonely feeling at one point or another in their lives - and it's often when one phase has ended and another is set to begin. There might be disappointed feelings about what you didn't do that you wanted to do where you are right now, and naturally this will lead you to doubts about where you're going. But it's important for you to know - that that happens to everyone to some degree or another at some point in their lives.
So I hope you don't feel that you are hopelessly different from everyone else because you feel this way right now.

I'm hoping for good things for you. You know - don't give up - you could wake up tomorrow, walk down the street and meet the best friend you'll ever have. That's happened to me in my life- it's always a possibility.
Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

My advice may not at first sound helpful, but it might do you some good in the future. When i was a young man, just out of the army, i felt lonely, too. I ended up making the bad decision to find friends in bars and clubs. Although from the result i don't believe i ever actually became an alcoholic (i gave it up when i decided to, and have never "looked back"), i definitely did become a heavy drinker (a binge drinker, on weekends and days off), and pissed away a good deal of money. But i felt like i had friends.

But i learned that that was not true. When i gave up the booze, many people whom i had known proved simply to have been drinking companions. Now that i no longer sucked up the booze, they had lost all interest in my company. Some were contemptuous, and although they may have felt they were being subtly ironic, it was pretty plain to me. Others were openly hostile--they seemed to take my decision as a reflection on them. At that point (i was 40), i thought i was lonelier than i had ever been. But, in fact, it is not the number of your acquaintance that counts, but the quality of your friendships. One friend in particular (whom i have since lost, as he sank into cocaine addiction) continued to drink, in the fashion he had always done, and he showed no resentment, and used to ask me about quitting, and how it felt and how i dealt with it. It made no difference in his friendship with me. There were only a very few people like that, though, and i have essentially had few friends since then. But i am sure of them as friends.

So, my advice is that when you get to school, make friends, but be careful of them. People who want to borrow money, or worse, who start by lending you money, have a mercenary interest, for however friendly they seem to be. People who want to talk all the time will like you if you are a listener, but if they never listen, they aren't really friends. People whom you know only because you see them at the local, or at a club, are not likely to be truly your friends. They might be drinking buddies, or companions in drug use, but it is unlikely that they will really be interested in you, and therefore it is unlikely that they will truly be your friends. Obviously, too, it's not a good idea to piss your money away in the pub, or smoke or snort it.

The people with whom you will most likely make friends will be those who share your particular interests. My friends became those who were interested in strategic and role-playing games, as i am; those who shared my interest in biography and history. It is more important to have true, reliable friends than it is to have many friends. Being popular isn't really worth it, if you are popular because you meet the needs of others, who have no real interest in your needs. Quality matters, quantity does not. I suspect that what you are feeling is a result of your old "world" crumbling. I also suspect that you won't really have a hard time constructing a new world.

Do let us know how things work out for you.

Everybody's goin' out
And havin' fun
I'm a fool for stayin' home
And havin' none
I can't get over how she set me free,
Oh, lonesome me

There must be some way
That I can lose these lonesome blues
Forget about my past and
Find someone new
I've thought of everything from A to Z
Oh, lonesome me

I'll bet she's not like me
She's out and fancy free
Flirtin' with the boys with all her charms
But I still love her so, and brother
Don't you know, I'd welcome her
Right back here in my arms

It's the wimmins . . . the wimmins is always behind all our miseries . . .

You say you find it difficult to even be around people at times.

Why is that? Is that how you've always felt?

Gee ep. Take it easy. You can talk yourself into a hole.

We are all alone as fresco's link points out. Think of your good fortune compared with humanity as a whole. Go with the flow. Grab your coat and grab your hat, leave your worries on the doorstep, just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.

I agree with panzade though. Have you thought of getting a job? Washing dishes will enable you to meet folk in the same boat. Being in the same boat helps in making friends.

Thank you all for your guidance.

I think it is this transitional phase between two “worlds” as setanta described it, it’s a slow process. I just sometimes feel a lack of connection with the world, and so would rather not be round people who have to put up with my misery, I don’t like doing that to people. I don’t really know too many people either, most of the people I would want to hang around with are not here; I would rather just wait for the start of college to meet new people.

To answer Georges question, sometimes I enjoy being around others, actually seek it out, but there are also many times when I really don’t like being social. There does not seem to be anything unusual about that however.

I do have a job, a laborious unrewarding job, but nonetheless I need it. However, I don’t feel that I can really relate to anyone there, but I do get along with most of them.

By the way, setanta, nice touch with the Neil Young lyrics, love that song and that album.

erm...that's Don Gibson circa 1958...but if it helps...

No, that's not unusual. I feel the same way myself. I'd just be worried if you
found yourself not feeling social most of the time. You might give others an
impression of aloofness without your intending to.

well,setanta, Neil Young did do a pretty good cover of it, if that is what it is.

George, exactly what do you mean?

I took it that George was hinting that you you might be a bit of a snob and that that was your problem. That you're caught between a level you aspire to and the level you deserve.

funny the older i get the more i cherish my loneliness

i was mr 24 hour a day (work, party, repeat) 20's and 30's, and now i just like the quiet

Yeah--I do too. But not all the time.

No, I meant that if you project the image of someone who is not happy in the
society of others, you may give the impression of aloofness (not necessarily
snobbiness).

Talk to Panzade, he's the one who criticized your reference to Neil Young.

Personally, i don't care who wrote it or who performs it--i like the song.

e.p. I'm the same way at times. I can only tolerate company for just so long. I guess it's because we entertained so much when I sang with my husband's jazz quartet. Hey, here's Don Gibson's version, buddy.Never heard it by Neil Young

Hope that you can do YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzl3zw1a-NE

Whenever I sing in public I get real lonesome real fast.

ohh puhleeeeze, as someone who wrote

one would think you'd appreciate the low down skinny on a popular song...there was no criticism, as a matter of fact it's a song that I sing most nights with my band.
In fact Set, I was delighted to see you quoted it.