short story for correction

what happened to the ice cream

Little girls don't trudge.

Could some member please go through the story and edit it for me? I think the comments are not so helpful. I, a non-native, would prefer amendments done to the story so that my English can improve.

Many thanks in advance.

It's a complex business tangy. What you should do is read a lot of short stories written by experts and study how they go about the matter.

There is no easy route. Like any skill you need to apprentice yourself for a period of years. If you haven't the patience for that you might be as well forgetting about writing short stories.

Thanks, Spendius.

It is not about my writing short stories. The story is written by my daughter, a Grade 2 student. I am only helping her to improve her English.

Therefore, I would be grateful if you or some other member could go through the piece of writing which I've corrected and let me know if I've failed to spot any errors.

Best wishes.

Well- I beg your pardon.

There is very little I can see wrong with it from a grammatical point of view. It is quite proficient for what I assume is a 12 year old and writing in a second language.

The problem for me is that it rather casts the young female into victim mode and at the mercy of the mother and the experts in the guise of the doctor and the taxi driver. She does seem to be getting cosseted.

So I would discourage that type of theme if I was her teacher because it won't be long before she has to fend for herself in the nasty world where banana skins are thick on the ground.

I would recommend your daughter be encouraged to read stories about more independent minded young girls. I'm sure your local librarian will be able to suggest some things suitable. I have never read the What Katie Did and What Katie Did Next series but I've been told they might be useful.

But good luck just the same.

Thanks, Spendius. You need not have apologised. You were giving me good advice.

I'm glad that there are no grammatical errors.

I understand that reading will improve her ability to write better. However, the problem is she does not like to read. That's why I've to guide her to the best of my ability, which may not be good enough to a native speaker.

That's why I need native speakers like you to help me.

Thanks again.

You're welcome.

Find her something she is interested in. Even comics. Princess stories are popular with girls. But patience is required. And understanding. Don't push too hard. She needs to read for herself rather than to please adults.