Please correct my composition.

Never sure if you are serious...or just someone having fun pulling everyone's leg.

But I will suppose that you are serious.

NO COMPOSITION IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE that begins with "One dark, cold and rainy night...” will ever provoke anything other than laughter...a derisive snicker form of laughter.

The expression “It was a dark and stormy night...” is a euphemism for trite, uninspired writing.

I never got past that first phrase.

The night was cold and dark. I ran into the house, drenched with rain. Fascinated, I watched the pouring rain thru the window.

Mum suggested I have a warm shower. I took her advice then went down to the living room to watch my favourite cartoon program. Fleeting pleasure turned to alarm as the screen went blank, smoke billowing from the back of the television.

(if the smoke disappeared as soon as it came you wouldn't have seen it)

I told Mum what had happened and she called Dad to come and fix it. Dad said the picture tube had blown and it was beyond repair.

"I'll buy a new one tomorrow" he said.

I was relieved that Dad took the incident so calmly but as he explained the set was quite old and likely to break down.

I went back to watching the rain and dreamt of a new tv.

Many thanks, Solipsister, for the corrrections and constructive comments.

Your amendments make the story more interesting, indeed.

The writing has similar problems as others in the past. There is a bit of improvement, but your son still needs instruction on crafting more complex compound sentences that contain multiple thoughts. The short, choppy ones that detail out specific redundant steps in the narrative do not make very interesting reading.

Here's my revision of the story.

After running into my house one cold and rainy night, drenched from head to toe, I watched the pouring rain from the window. Mom urged me to have a warm shower and get into dry clothing. Taking her advice, I got a quick shower and change of clothes before running downstairs to enjoy my favorite cartoon program on the television.

Fifteen minutes later my enjoyment came to an abrupt end with the screen going dark and a puff of smoke coming from the back of the television.

Reporting the trouble to Mum, she said she would ask Father to fix it. Father had a look and said the television had shorted out and was beyond repair so he would buy a new one tomorrow. This was good news since he bought our existing television many years ago.


Note 1

Comma Use
If the phrase beginning with "as" explains a situation, separate that phrase with a comma.



Instead of: The sales report is important as we want to monitor sales.
Consider: The sales report is important, as we want to monitor sales.


Instead of: The horse could not run as it was lame.
Consider: The horse could not run, as it was lame.


Note 2

Passive Voice
For a livelier and more persuasive sentence, consider rewriting your sentence using an active verb (the subject performs the action, as in "The ball hit Catherine") rather than a passive verb (the subject receives the action, as in "Catherine was hit by the ball"). If you rewrite with an active verb, consider what the appropriate subject is - "they," "we," or a more specific noun or pronoun.



Instead of: Juanita was delighted by Michelle.
Consider: Michelle delighted Juanita.


Instead of: Eric was given more work.
Consider: The boss gave Eric more work.


Instead of: The garbage needs to be taken out.
Consider: You need to take the garbage out.

Many thanks for your constructive comments and the re-write of the composition.