Who to Choose?

Another young person asked for help with a similar problem a couple of weeks ago but never came back to acknowledge or respond to the advice given. Perhaps you will find help in the words of wisdom there.

Here's a link:

http://able2know.org/topic/127083-1#post-3513014

In any case, feel free to talk about what you are feeling. Many of us have gone through similar divorce experiences either as parents or children.

Hello, Help-Me. Welcome to A2K.

You don't mention your age or where you live, but am I correct in assuming that you and your brother are expected to decide separately which parent you and your brother are going to live with after the divorce? I can imagine that you feel torn in two by such a difficult decision.

Or, is there a court proceeding coming up where you and your brother will be required to tell the court which parent you would rather have legal custody of you?

Regardless, it's a huge decision and one that is being pushed on you by others. Unfortunately, it sounds as though your parents are feeling their own pain more than yours and are pushing you into the middle of a messy divorce.

Let me ask you some practical questions...

Which of your parents is best likely to see to your needs with respect to your education and your future?

And, which of your parents is best likely to accept that you and your brother are not adults and shouldn't be expected to take on the burdens of an adult dilemma?

Once you think about these questions from your own position, it may not be a bad idea to ask each of your parents how they would answer them (maybe not, I don't know your parents). If nothing else, it may demonstrate to them that they are putting you in the middle of a situation that is either beyond your ability to comprehend (sometimes grownups only tell their kids half of the story) or that they are expecting you to be the grown-up while they are acting childish.

Best wishes to you and your brother, Help-Me. I hope it all turns out for the best.

Keep talking here as much as you'd like.

Maybe u can explain how u feel to your mother
and try to help them reconcile ?

Promote forgiveness over holding a grudge ?





David

Has your mother actually said that she will prevent your father from seeing you and your brother?

Again, we don't know the age of the poster but putting a reconciliation on the shoulders of a child/adolescent/teen is a heavy burden.

The poster considers the extant situation to be an emergency.
In emergencies, everyone who is to be saved
needs to be able to help to achieve the result that he or she desires.

Its like, during the 1800s, putting a rifle into the hands
of a very young child, during an Indian attack,
when no survivors will be anticipated.





David