Paranoia Striking Deep

An ex-coworker of mine was described by his ex wife as a paranoid schitzophrenic. After I got to know him well enough, I had to agree. If a person parked near his truck, and their door feather swiped his, just enough to leave a tiny mark, he figured it out that they parked precisely at that spot just so that would happen. Another time, he said that people must have put out the word on him, because on parking lots he always parked away from other vehicles, only to come back and it be surrounded by cars. When he went to visit his ex wife, with whom he was fighting a custody battle, he said he saw cars parked all along the hundred twenty five mile way, with the drivers immediately entring notations in their books as he went past. He claimed his phone was tapped, and that for three years his current wife was trying to poisen him. And on and on.

Well, he came to work one morning, and he told me that he and his family were walking around Walmart, when the staff began following them every place they went. The next day, he said he went to the manager and told him, "I am not a thief." He threatened to hang a sign on his back that read, "I am not a thief" if they did not quit following him like that. More paranoia, right? That's what I said.

About a month ago, I went to a Target store, as I have been in the habit of doing, while my wife is off with her sister. This time, instead of walking straight to the movies, then buying or not buying, as was usual, I decided to browse the store, since I did not truly know what else they sell. As I went around looking and thinking of possible future purchases, I came to automotive and put a can of brake fluid in my basket. I looked up from that action to see a store employee trying to watch my actions without me being aware of it. She sort of jerked and her eyes wavered, as I looked into her eyes. Then I pushed my cart down the aisle, off to browse movies. I glanced down the way, and she was trying to keep pace with me, but broke away, when she saw me looking.

I began to see some humor in the situation. I began browsing more departments, just to give the people in there a bit of exercise. I wondered if they carry a hair clipperfor those who cut their hair at home. So I went to see. About midway there, a breathless young man caught up to me. "Excuse me, sir. May I help you? What are you looking for?" I told him and he said he didn't think they had them, but if they did they would be in the department off to my right. I spent about thirty minutes, looking at every single video in there, then paid for my brake fluid and left.

The following Saturday, I went back. I went to the perfume and got my wife's favorite scent and put it in the cart. Then I went all around the store, intending to browse the movies. All along the way, employees would pop up, being very busy, but doing absolutely nothing. As I browsed the movies, a man whom I took to be the manager, brushed past me so quickly and strongly, I had to step back to allow him to pass.

I still occasionally shop there, but go mostly just for laughs now.