19
   

The Ungood Thread

 
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2008 01:42 pm
@Montana,
Montana wrote:
I think it's because it embarresses them that someone they know is a sexual pretetor. At least it's the only thing I can come up with to make any sense of it.


I agree that that's part of it. Some are embarrassed, others don't want to know that someone they thought they knew turns out to be someone else, some might have shared your experiences and your fears but chose not to come forward -- you can't blame them, they have lives and loved ones too, and others simply don't want to be exposed to things that make them uncomfortable.

Montana wrote:
I feel like I've lost a part of myself.
Does that make any sense?


Very much so. You're pulling yourself out of the depression this situation caused and eventually I hope you rediscover your sense of security. Just remember -- inner voices are there for a reason. Listen to them. Right now they're telling you to make some changes and to start over elsewhere. Previously they made you award of a potentially dangerous situation. I hope your inner voices soon tell you that it's ok to breathe a big sigh of relief.

0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2008 02:13 pm
I don't think fear is the problem with these women. Women here are nothing like the women I grew up with. Here, it's all about showing off and looking good to others. The jealousy is so thick around here between the women that it makes me sick to my stomache. You don't know who they are because they're all trying to be someone they're not. Their biggest fears are based on how people see them, as where the women I grew up with didn't care much about what others thought/said about them.
They knew I wasn't trying to get them involved in anything and I was just venting. Some even laughed in my face, which really blew my mind. Some acted like they were jealous that the scum bag didn't choose them
Shocked

No joke! I've never seen anything like it and I really gotta get the hell out of here.

The guys seem almost normal enough, but they have this thing about staring that I could do without. My mom is always complaining about all the old men hanging around the mini mall staring at the women Laughing

Ah well, I guess I just don't fit in here.

(((((((((JPB)))))))))
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2008 05:06 pm
@Montana,
If he's an ex-con, shouldn't the local constabulary be keeping an eye on him in any case? Is there any way for you to find out? They may be looking for a reason to get him back out of town.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Dec, 2008 10:54 pm
I'm sure no one wants people like that in their town, but again, I'm stuck between a rock & that hard place.
If I go squalking to the cops, that could just be all it takes to set this guy off and have him heading strait for revenge.
No one has ever scared me like this creep does and this is one of those things where the police can't/won't do anything until the guy actually kills someone.
He already almost killed someone and he only did 3 months in prison, so I don't have enough faith in our legal system to be pushing his buttons.
My boss, who is one of the toughest women I know is afraid of the guy and that's enough for me to know that I have no power over this situation.
No one saw the man pin me against the table and even though he tormented me in front of my bosses, he didn't touch me in front of them, so all that I could possibly see happening is that they would take it as a complaint, suggest I get a restraining order and he may be warned by the RCMP to keep his distance. In turn, he's free and he's pissed. His wife freaks out, leaves him and he decides he's got nothing left to live for. His kids haven't spoken to him in 30 years, his dead father abused him, he threw his mother out because she's a bitch, then his wife leaves him, so why not kill me since I destroyed whatever he had left of his miserable life, then turn the gun on himself or just do the time. He'd be out in no time here in Canada.
He tormented me right in front of my bosses and that takes balls, so there's no reason for me to think he would be afraid of the cops either.

<sigh>
TTH
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Dec, 2008 10:58 pm
Hi Montana and sorry to hear about all this.
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Dec, 2008 11:04 pm
@Montana,
Hugs girl...

lessons learned, and efforts put toward positive goals, eh? (men Rolling Eyes )

hugs again, cuz ya been gone so long.

nite snowbird...
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Dec, 2008 11:08 pm
Hey TTH :-D

Thanks girl. I'm starting to recover from it a little bit every day. My nerves have settled to where I'm not afraid of my own shaddow anymore and it helped me a lot to come here and talk about it.

Another year, another plan. I don't want much, just a little peace.

Good to see you TTH Smile
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Dec, 2008 11:10 pm
@Rockhead,
Rockhead wrote:

Hugs girl...

lessons learned, and efforts put toward positive goals, eh? (men Rolling Eyes )

hugs again, cuz ya been gone so long.

nite snowbird...


I don't get it Rocky, but what else is new Laughing

(((((Hugs))))) right back
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 03:35 am
Hey M,

I have had to deal with workplace harassment. I have few qualms (anymore) getting outside authorities involved if need be. In Canada we are well represented in this regard (as you may know).

It's your self-esteem you need to protect, because if you loose that, it's very hard to function!

Anti-Harassment Policies for the Workplace
http://www.chrc-ccdp.ca/publications/anti_harassment_toc-en.asp

Bullying in the Workplace
http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html

A good friend of mine teaches criminology at one of the local universities, he wrote his thesis on bullying.
Endymion
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 08:42 am
@Montana,
Montana " good to hear you are okay "

This bozo sounds like a real pain… I know someone who teaches women self defence and his class are often amazed to find that understanding even the basics of how to (physically and psychologically) handle a situation involving someone who isn't going to step back when asked to respect personal space, is often enough to supply the confidence needed to verbally turn the situation before it can get nasty.

I think in any situation when someone feels physically intimidated by someone else, it is probably with good reason, because our instincts are warning us of a reality.

However, if you can't protect yourself physically, this will be evident in your demeanour and ass-holes pick up on that. Predators choose their victims carefully. That is something to remember.
I advise you and anyone else who would be at some physical disadvantage in a straight out fight against one average sized man, to learn basic self defence… and even better, get together with your friends/workmates and learn together.

Just the simplest thing, like being able to control your heart rate and breathing, while dealing with this jerk will have an effect on how he perceives you.
Knowing you are capable of putting him down on the ground and out of action, will also help Smile


(Although hopefully he's gone now, yeah?)

Hey - seasons greetings

endy
JustBrooke
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 09:02 am
Montana ..... Damn that guy sounds like a pure ass. While I can see you doing what you felt you had to do in order to protect yourself, a part of me wishes there had been another solution. Though it sounds like there really wasn't, for your peace of mind.

I had something similar happen to me on campus. Though not as scary as yours was. I had put up with this guys sexual harassment all of last year. This year he came at me again with as much vulgar as he could muster. The more he knew I didn't like it ....the more he kept it up. No amount of asking him to leave me alone, solved anything. So I wrote out a complaint and gave it to the doctor teaching my class and had him sign it. Kept a copy for myself. Really, I wanted to make sure that I was not pared with him on any projects again. And I wanted to make sure that if I were ...the school would be held accountable if something happened. It didn't take them long to handle the situation and it turned out that another girl had filed a complaint last year. So now he's walking a very tight line. Being kicked off campus and out of his degree is probably not something the guy wants. Problem solved. So far, anyhow. Though I still don't really trust him. And definitely wouldn't wanna be alone with him.

It's just too bad that your workplace had the mentality of turning their heads. Sadly, nothing good is going to come out of their lack of willingness to do something about it. And likely, this guy will find another victim.

Anywho .... I'm glad you are not having to go through that with him now. Sexual harassment is never pretty. Glad you removed yourself from it before it got ugly.

Keep your head up and stay positive. With your drive, you will get things turned around and looking up again. I know you will.

Hugs!



Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 05:12 pm
@Chumly,
Chumly wrote:

Hey M,

I have had to deal with workplace harassment. I have few qualms (anymore) getting outside authorities involved if need be. In Canada we are well represented in this regard (as you may know).

It's your self-esteem you need to protect, because if you loose that, it's very hard to function!

Anti-Harassment Policies for the Workplace
http://www.chrc-ccdp.ca/publications/anti_harassment_toc-en.asp

Bullying in the Workplace
http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html

A good friend of mine teaches criminology at one of the local universities, he wrote his thesis on bullying.


Hey Chumly,
Thanks for all your advice and links. I was bullied in school and learned the hard way how to defend myself, but this was against girls and even though I stood up to a gang of them in the end, they weren't grown men over 6ft tall.
I never ever had any problems standing up to bullies after that, until now. This guy is very tapped in the head and since I don't know him any more than what I've told you all here, I could be putting myself at serious risk if I get the police involved.
As I mentioned before, no one saw him pin me against the table or most of anything. All I have is him coming out in the hall in front of my boss to watch me get ready in the break room and him hovering around me in front of another boss after he was warned to keep his distance from me. They did nothing, so the next day I requested a transfer to another department.
My famale boss made sure the bigger bosses were in the hall and break room guarding me every morning after that, but that was it.
He continued to stalk me during breaks when the bosses weren't around, so after 4 months of this trying to get away from the slime bag was more than my nerves could take anymore.
It took everything I had to go back to work there, but I knew this would be my last year there, so it was better for me to just go.
I wish I had the energy to fight back, but my plate is already overflowing and my nerves have had enough.
2 months before this creep was hired on at work, I found out that my mother has emphysima and COPD. I was devistated and am still numb. She's my best friend and this is going to be more than enough for me to have to handle emotionally and I'm just not strong enough to tackle this big slime right now.

This piece of **** is new to his community and since people in these parts are mostly hunters with large gun collections, I have a feeling someone is gonna give him just what he deserves one of these fine days.

Speaking of guns. I gotta go talk with David before I get me a nice shiny one Laughing

I've been away from the shop for a few weeks now and it's just the past few days where I've started feeling better. I'm not afraid anymore, which is a relief since I live in fear for almost 5 months before now.
Got all my paint ready today and got my first room prepped and ready to get to work because what I really need is to get this house ready to sell so I can get closer to the city where all the secure jobs are.

Here's going for yet another new beginning.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 05:23 pm
@Endymion,
Endymion wrote:

Montana " good to hear you are okay "

This bozo sounds like a real pain… I know someone who teaches women self defence and his class are often amazed to find that understanding even the basics of how to (physically and psychologically) handle a situation involving someone who isn't going to step back when asked to respect personal space, is often enough to supply the confidence needed to verbally turn the situation before it can get nasty.

I think in any situation when someone feels physically intimidated by someone else, it is probably with good reason, because our instincts are warning us of a reality.

However, if you can't protect yourself physically, this will be evident in your demeanour and ass-holes pick up on that. Predators choose their victims carefully. That is something to remember.
I advise you and anyone else who would be at some physical disadvantage in a straight out fight against one average sized man, to learn basic self defence… and even better, get together with your friends/workmates and learn together.

Just the simplest thing, like being able to control your heart rate and breathing, while dealing with this jerk will have an effect on how he perceives you.
Knowing you are capable of putting him down on the ground and out of action, will also help Smile


(Although hopefully he's gone now, yeah?)

Hey - seasons greetings

endy



Hey Endy and Seasons Greetings right back :-D

I've taken karate when I was younger, lifted weights and worked out every free moment I had. I also went out with a cop who taught me some things, so I'm prepared in a normal situation.
I did all the right things with this guy. I showed no fear and I told him off several times, but he liked it. He totally got off on pissing me off after I made it clear that I wasn't interested in him.
He was relentless and very calculating in everything he was doing with me and after months of this, my nerves completely shattered after he pinned me against the table.

Yeah yeah, I'm glad I'm away from him.
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 05:40 pm
@JustBrooke,
JustBrooke wrote:

Montana ..... Damn that guy sounds like a pure ass. While I can see you doing what you felt you had to do in order to protect yourself, a part of me wishes there had been another solution. Though it sounds like there really wasn't, for your peace of mind.

I had something similar happen to me on campus. Though not as scary as yours was. I had put up with this guys sexual harassment all of last year. This year he came at me again with as much vulgar as he could muster. The more he knew I didn't like it ....the more he kept it up. No amount of asking him to leave me alone, solved anything. So I wrote out a complaint and gave it to the doctor teaching my class and had him sign it. Kept a copy for myself. Really, I wanted to make sure that I was not pared with him on any projects again. And I wanted to make sure that if I were ...the school would be held accountable if something happened. It didn't take them long to handle the situation and it turned out that another girl had filed a complaint last year. So now he's walking a very tight line. Being kicked off campus and out of his degree is probably not something the guy wants. Problem solved. So far, anyhow. Though I still don't really trust him. And definitely wouldn't wanna be alone with him.

It's just too bad that your workplace had the mentality of turning their heads. Sadly, nothing good is going to come out of their lack of willingness to do something about it. And likely, this guy will find another victim.

Anywho .... I'm glad you are not having to go through that with him now. Sexual harassment is never pretty. Glad you removed yourself from it before it got ugly.

Keep your head up and stay positive. With your drive, you will get things turned around and looking up again. I know you will.

Hugs!






Hey girlfriend :-D

I know that some people are disappointed that I didn't go to the law, but I just don't have enough to go with for them to be able to do anything other than piss him off.

I haven't had very much peace in my life and it's not just a want anymore, it's a need. My life just isn't worth living for me if I have to live in fear.

You're right, I'll be back to normal and into all kinds of projects again in no time Smile

I'm so glad you nipped things in the bud with your creep! Where do some people get off!!!

Hugs, Love, and Happy Holidays Brooke :-D
0 Replies
 
Endymion
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 06:35 pm
@Montana,
Quote:
I've taken karate when I was younger, lifted weights and worked out every free moment I had. I also went out with a cop who taught me some things


yeah, sorry - should have guessed.

Glad you're okay

e
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 09:55 pm
Laughing I'm usually good at holding my own, but I never had to go up against such a big scary man like this one before. I may be small and fast, but you have to picture a mouse going up against a rat and even though the mouse may have had training in self defense, she also has an old back injury and she has no clue as to what Mr.Rat knows as far as self defense goes. The huge slime bag rat just may be a black belt who knows even more about stuff than little mouse does.

When I was a teenager I carried my buck knife on my belt everywhere I went and I think I may start doing that again. I know it sounds kinda pathetic, but it gave me the security I needed then and may help me feel more secure now.
Hell, I have an ax in my bedroom Laughing

Ah well, such as this crazy life.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 09:57 pm
@Montana,
When do we start painting???

(onward and forward...)
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 10:05 pm
I'm getting things ready now to get started on my painting. I move forward when I'm ready to move forward. Trama takes time to heal and talking helps me heal.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2008 10:10 pm
@Montana,
sorry...

(not trying to stifle you, mebbe make ya smile...)

I know how to goway.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Dec, 2008 08:10 pm
Happy New Year, Montana!

May 2009 be a much happier, healthier, wealthier year to us all.

(((( Montana ))))
 

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