Classic Lines From Hollywood Squares

Reply Sat 13 Dec, 2008 11:02 am
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from
the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or
a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A.
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a g! esture y ou' ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A.
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A.
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A.
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley
Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A.
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

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Reply Sat 13 Dec, 2008 01:58 pm
Good stuff! I used to watch the show and enjoyed the reminder that your post generated.
0 Replies
Reply Sun 14 Dec, 2008 08:03 am
My favorite was when Peter Marshall asked Paul Lynde:

"Paul, true or false. A litter of puppies can have more than one father."

Paul did his funny shtick of mulling over the question for a few seconds and then blurted out, "That bitch!"
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Reply Sun 14 Dec, 2008 07:20 pm
Excepting I knew Paul Lynde and he revealed that although the show wasn't scripted, they did basically the same thing the new show did -- they were given the group of questions specifically aimed at them (thus, Peter would say "a Paul Lynde" question) and had more than enough time to compose a quip or even have assistance from the writers. Sorry to spoil the act. Lynde did come up with nearly all the come-backs, however. He wasn't sure about the other "squares."
Green Witch
Reply Sun 14 Dec, 2008 07:39 pm
It makes me realize how young I was when I saw this show. At least 1/2 of those jokes would have gone right over my head and I would have wondered what my parents where laughing at.
0 Replies
Reply Mon 15 Dec, 2008 10:27 am
LW, did Paul Lynde ever do anything other than "Bewitched"? I can't really recall seeing him in any other shows. I'm sure there were, but haven't seen them.
Reply Tue 16 Dec, 2008 11:23 am
In 1972 he appeared as the star in one season of "The Paul Lynde" show -- he also was in several shows, not as a regular, on "Sgt. Bilko," "Gidget," and "The Munsters" among others.

Of course, his film appearances were always hilarious -- "The Glass Bottom Boat," (as Home Cripps, AKA "The Spy in Lace Panties") with Doris Day, "Send Me No Flowers," with the Rock, and "Bye, Bye Birdie," among others.
Reply Tue 16 Dec, 2008 04:55 pm
Sgt. Bilko? Can't say I remember, but it was a long time ago. Our family used to watch that every week.

He was a lot of fun.

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