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New Fractured Flicks No. ? (I'll make it VII just to get continuity)

 
 
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:17 am
This goes back to Abuzz so I lost track of the numbering and I've changed the rules with each new posting of the topic. So I'm returning to the original -- taking a film title, especially those films that were too pretentious for their own good, and mangling the title with puns and double entendre or other humor. I'll get it started with two new twists on oldies but goodies:

The rules are to post, usually paraphrased, funny title(s) and brief screwed up plot lines of especially the most pretentious films like -- and, of course, there's nothing wrong with some sarcastically critical funny:

"The Splashin' of the Christ"

The Romans try to drown Christ with Holy Water until they realized it hadn't yet been invented, so they switched to wine, he got falling down drunk and hit his head on the cross and died. He returns centuries later as a black President of the United States.

"Gone With the Schwinn" Rhett and Scarlet race through the burning set of King Kong (actually used in the film as Atlanta) on bicycles, Scarlet gets her lacy hoop skirt caught in the spokes, falls off and breaks an ankle. Rhett jumps off his bike just in time to rescue her, stick her on the back of his bike and race off to safety. Trouble is, there is no passenger seat and the fender gets really uncomfortable for female parts so Scarlett begins to scream and complain. Rhett dumps her off the back of the bike, doses here with liquor from his flask and she starts fire screaming, "but I'm not Joan -- I'm not Joan of Arc, you idiot!"
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Type: Discussion • Score: 7 • Views: 2,444 • Replies: 25
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Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:23 am
@Lightwizard,
The Da Vinci Cold- Leonardo turns down a project that would make him the richest man in the world, because he was suffering from a nasty bronchial ailment, and wanted to stay in bed.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:38 am
@Lightwizard,
Lay It Again, Sam- A neurotic apprentice carpet installer never can seem to get the job right. No matter how he places the carpeting, there are always wrinkles, empty spaces and other problems. His boss is forever telling Sam to do the job over again.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:44 am
The Piano II

Holly Hunter, Anna Paquin, and Harvey Keitel return in the much awaited sequel to the over-wrought 1993 drama. This time the story focuses on the daughter and her relationships with men. Her current boyfriend does not approve of the girl's interest in the accordion. A street musician, played by Jack Black, offers her his accordion in exchange for fetish sex. In the first movie, audiences were treated to the sight of Harvey Keitel in the nude. Jack Black's nude scenes prove to be even more revolting.
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:47 am
Beepless in Seattle. With the horn of his brand new Lamborghini not working, Seymour can't alert the inattentive pusher of the shopping cart or the distracted bicyclist or the guy behind the refrigerator on the hand truck. The trophy car is reduced to a scratched up, dented up, banged up mess. Hearing his sad tale on a late night call in radio show, Big Bertha of BB's Body Shop is reduced to tears resulting in a unique love encounter.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Nov, 2008 12:24 pm
@Foxfyre,
Singin' in Ukraine

Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O'Connor go behind the Iron Curtain for love, laughs and tap dancing.
0 Replies
 
Lightwizard
 
  1  
Reply Wed 26 Nov, 2008 07:53 pm
You guys and gals are good! By the time I got to "Singin in Ukraine," I was ready to for seven stitches in my gut.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Wed 26 Nov, 2008 08:10 pm
My Fare, Lady

A taxi driver picks up Liza Dolittle,
"Where to, lady?"

"All oi want is a room somewhere."

After driving her all around town, the driver demands a substantial fare. She haggles. He makes a bawdy suggestion, how to save all them coins.

"Oim a good girl, I am."

"Just give me my fare."

"He ain't no gentleman, he ain't."

A man named Higgens tosses her a handful of coins to cease that infernal caterwauling.

0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 27 Nov, 2008 11:17 am
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones
Smart ass young sorcery student breaks the teacher's balls.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Thu 27 Nov, 2008 03:06 pm
Days of Whine and Roses- Woody Allen stars and directs in a film about a nebbish who is constantly complaining about the two women in his life- his mother and his girlfriend, who are both named Rose.
0 Replies
 
Lightwizard
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Dec, 2008 10:38 am
"Gone With the Windmill" Rhett and Scarlett are visited by Don Quixote and he convinces them that the Union is sending windmills to destroy Atlanta. Alfred Hitchcock intervenes to explain that the windmills are only a visual device from "The 39 Steps" and to prepare them for a twist ending.
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Dec, 2008 10:44 am
Casaboinka

When Sam sustains a blow to the head, he can't remember what he is supposed to play.
Lightwizard
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Dec, 2008 12:39 pm
@Foxfyre,
LOL
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Dec, 2008 01:44 pm
@Lightwizard,
There's Something About Mary Queen of Scots

Gross-out humor and capital punishment go together in this new historical comedy from the Farrelly Brothers.
Lightwizard
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Dec, 2008 07:12 pm
@jespah,
LOL

I love those that juxtapose two movie titles. I forgot which part that was 'cause this one is wide open rules.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Dec, 2008 08:50 am
Pride and Sensibility

Kate Winslet stars in a nineteenth century romance where she is courted by Orlando Bloom, Hugh Grant, and George Clooney.

Ladies are encouraged to see this movie with their boyfriends to show them how inadequate they really are.
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 10:29 am
Randolpho the Red Hosed Reindeer

A burlesque reject hires onto Santa's crew and delivers gifts and toys in drag.
0 Replies
 
parados
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 12:40 pm
Quantum of Solstice

When an astrophysicist falls for a Druid Princess, the planets align to keep them apart.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 12:51 pm
@parados,
Roman Holiday Inn

Bing Crosby and Audrey Hepburn -- he sings some old chestnuts while she jets around Europe.
0 Replies
 
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 01:02 pm
Miracle on 125th Street Eddie Murphy plays a Salvation Army Santa Claus who saves a turkey from being carved up by a group of local gangstas.
0 Replies
 
 

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