Wed 19 Nov, 2008 11:17 am
This goes back to Abuzz so I lost track of the numbering and I've changed the rules with each new posting of the topic. So I'm returning to the original -- taking a film title, especially those films that were too pretentious for their own good, and mangling the title with puns and double entendre or other humor. I'll get it started with two new twists on oldies but goodies:
The rules are to post, usually paraphrased, funny title(s) and brief screwed up plot lines of especially the most pretentious films like -- and, of course, there's nothing wrong with some sarcastically critical funny:
"The Splashin' of the Christ"
The Romans try to drown Christ with Holy Water until they realized it hadn't yet been invented, so they switched to wine, he got falling down drunk and hit his head on the cross and died. He returns centuries later as a black President of the United States.
"Gone With the Schwinn" Rhett and Scarlet race through the burning set of King Kong (actually used in the film as Atlanta) on bicycles, Scarlet gets her lacy hoop skirt caught in the spokes, falls off and breaks an ankle. Rhett jumps off his bike just in time to rescue her, stick her on the back of his bike and race off to safety. Trouble is, there is no passenger seat and the fender gets really uncomfortable for female parts so Scarlett begins to scream and complain. Rhett dumps her off the back of the bike, doses here with liquor from his flask and she starts fire screaming, "but I'm not Joan -- I'm not Joan of Arc, you idiot!"
The Piano II
Holly Hunter, Anna Paquin, and Harvey Keitel return in the much awaited sequel to the over-wrought 1993 drama. This time the story focuses on the daughter and her relationships with men. Her current boyfriend does not approve of the girl's interest in the accordion. A street musician, played by Jack Black, offers her his accordion in exchange for fetish sex. In the first movie, audiences were treated to the sight of Harvey Keitel in the nude. Jack Black's nude scenes prove to be even more revolting.
Beepless in Seattle. With the horn of his brand new Lamborghini not working, Seymour can't alert the inattentive pusher of the shopping cart or the distracted bicyclist or the guy behind the refrigerator on the hand truck. The trophy car is reduced to a scratched up, dented up, banged up mess. Hearing his sad tale on a late night call in radio show, Big Bertha of BB's Body Shop is reduced to tears resulting in a unique love encounter.
Singin' in Ukraine
Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O'Connor go behind the Iron Curtain for love, laughs and tap dancing.
You guys and gals are good! By the time I got to "Singin in Ukraine," I was ready to for seven stitches in my gut.
My Fare, Lady
A taxi driver picks up Liza Dolittle,
"Where to, lady?"
"All oi want is a room somewhere."
After driving her all around town, the driver demands a substantial fare. She haggles. He makes a bawdy suggestion, how to save all them coins.
"Oim a good girl, I am."
"Just give me my fare."
"He ain't no gentleman, he ain't."
A man named Higgens tosses her a handful of coins to cease that infernal caterwauling.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones
Smart ass young sorcery student breaks the teacher's balls.
Days of Whine and Roses- Woody Allen stars and directs in a film about a nebbish who is constantly complaining about the two women in his life- his mother and his girlfriend, who are both named Rose.
"Gone With the Windmill" Rhett and Scarlett are visited by Don Quixote and he convinces them that the Union is sending windmills to destroy Atlanta. Alfred Hitchcock intervenes to explain that the windmills are only a visual device from "The 39 Steps" and to prepare them for a twist ending.
When Sam sustains a blow to the head, he can't remember what he is supposed to play.
There's Something About Mary Queen of Scots
Gross-out humor and capital punishment go together in this new historical comedy from the Farrelly Brothers.
I love those that juxtapose two movie titles. I forgot which part that was 'cause this one is wide open rules.
Pride and Sensibility
Kate Winslet stars in a nineteenth century romance where she is courted by Orlando Bloom, Hugh Grant, and George Clooney.
Ladies are encouraged to see this movie with their boyfriends to show them how inadequate they really are.
Randolpho the Red Hosed Reindeer
A burlesque reject hires onto Santa's crew and delivers gifts and toys in drag.
Quantum of Solstice
When an astrophysicist falls for a Druid Princess, the planets align to keep them apart.
Roman Holiday Inn
Bing Crosby and Audrey Hepburn -- he sings some old chestnuts while she jets around Europe.
Miracle on 125th Street Eddie Murphy plays a Salvation Army Santa Claus who saves a turkey from being carved up by a group of local gangstas.