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correction of short story

 
 
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2008 06:26 am
Hi fellow members

Could you please go through this short story and correct any mistakes in it? If you've ideas to improve on it, please let me know.

Many thanks in advance for your assistance.


Last Monday, Grandmother was seriously ill and had to be warded.

The next day our family and I decided to visit her. When we reached the hospital, she was resting in bed. My aunt and uncle had also come to visit her. They brought her some fruit and biscuits. My mother brought some porridge, which she cooked herself.

Grandmother was glad to see all of us. She often smiled. We sat at the side of her bed and chatted with her. My sister and I cracked some jokes to cheer her up.

After some time, we heard an announcement that the visiting hours were over. It was time for all of us to leave. We bade her goodbye and promised to see her the next day. She smiled as she waved goodbye to us.
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saab
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2008 12:27 pm
@tanguatlay,

Add HAD
My mother brought some porridge, which she had cooked herself.
ward is a seperate room or area in a hospital for people with the same type of medical condition - a maternity ward.
As verb it sounds a bit old fashioned. I would say and - had to be hospitalized

Cracked some jokes is good but I would prefer told some jokes.

We said goodbye sounds less serious than bade her goodbye.
and promised to come back the next day.
tanguatlay
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2008 10:19 am
@saab,
Thanks, Saab.
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