Dealing with interruptions

Yeah, I know what you mean about achieving goals.

Part of the problem is that parenting, while extremely important, doesn't offer the same sort of feedback that other enterprises do. I mean, if you apply for a grant, and you do a good job, you get the grant. That's immediate and concrete feedback that you did a good job. If you try to raise a child well, you get feedback here are there to be sure but it's spotty and nothing you can depend on -- and you CAN'T depend on it and still be a good parent. It's not our kids' role to offer affirmation that we're doing a good job.

One thing that I've found that helps, for me, is to make really thorough lists. Not about parenting per se but about other stuff that I need to do in a given day/ weekend/ week. The more I can check off, the happier I am. So it's not just the big stuff, but the stuff you normally do without thinking twice about it.

It helps with a feeling of accomplishment (and it's not subterfuge either -- there IS a lot that we do that doesn't get enough attention).

Oh the feedback on the kids...it's why I love fall and spring conference with the teacher. I get feedback from someone else on how my children are behaving, both academically and socially. I love that - truly. Right now anyway -

I probably should make a more thorough list - every little thing...there are some days, like when I am paying bills and trying to call to straighten out insurance issues, or running my friend to the Dr., or going up to the school to take pics of G-baby's class - these days I can't SEE what I have done. I know what I have done - but in the back of my head there is always - "you really should have gotten around to sorting those drawers in the dining room" - whatever. Also - I need to be more realistic about what I can get done in a day.

Another thing I have been unhappy with lately is that there is not one thing that I do that does not get undone fairly quickly. That is why I think I am dealing with burnout.

Think about it - in a given day - I make the beds, wash the dishes, wash clothes, vacuum the rugs, mop the kitchen...in a couple of days (and sometimes the same day) I will have to do it ALLLLLL over again.

Now this is just turning into my rant thread...sorry.

Dixie...

it's not a case of lowering your standards.... it's prioritising on a daily basis of what is truly important... and worthwhile... whether it is seen or unseen.

I hear what you're saying...

k - scenario...

a) taking pics at G-baby's class - what does this do - keeps you involved in G-baby's schooling, makes you smile, makes G-baby smile, gets you out the house, shows you a view of life that is all too easily forgotten... and when others see your efforts, the pleasure that can bring other parents, children, teacher etc

or

b) drawers - can be done anytime, are seen only really by yourself, contain socks and boxers!


please don't think I'm belittling what you do at home - it is important... moreover, it's important to YOU, as a person...

but I don't see that as lowering your standards...

i see you as a person growing with your children and making adjustments to the necessary parts of life that become less burdensome with the positive changes you are making. That doesn't happen overnite hun... but it's a natural progression as kids grow up....

as their day's change and they go to school

as people require your help like your friend going to the doctor...

then the other things, the smaller things, become less of a priority...

well... that's only my opinion...


<coming from her, who's house was a bombsite when someone she hadn't seen for 9 months showed up at the door today.... however, the "potential embarrassment" which I refused to take on for the kids stuff lying around, was nothing compared to being outside in the sun with my camera...making me feel better> <selfish me!> <have now tidied up>

Rant away!! I'm doing laundry as we speak and I had the exact same thought.

How much do your kids help? They're all in school, right? That's about when sozlet started actually making a dent on the messes she makes every day. Making her own bed, cleaning up her desk when she was done with some art project, etc.

She could do way MORE, mind you, but anything helps.

Absolutely it is burnout. And I know from experience that the best way to deal with it is to add something to your life that provides intellectual interest and enthusiasm--something that provides emotional comfort. Once you have that you will find that housework is more tolerable for it earns you that something that enhances your life.

A dearly departed aunt taught me that. She was a Professor of History at Amarillo college and her emotional anchor was researching ancient artifacts and the evolution of ancient critters, both outside her field, but something that totally absorbed her. She got over the compulsion to have an absolutely immuclate house and in fact hired college boys to help her clean because they didn't fuss with inconsequential things like the top of the refrigerator. So there was a bit of dust etc. here and there but her house was always neat enough for company. And she didn't mind doing what she did because her reward was getting back to her hobby avocation.

Another friend took up gardening that produced the same results. Another got a horse that became her emotional outlet. Still another took up ballroom dancing. Another got involved at the local natural history museum.

Again those little boys won't remember whether or not the baseboards got dusted. They will remember your investment in them.

I am not sure what that is now Foxfyre...I will have to start trying things again. I am sure if I had something I loved to do and was able to do it every once in a while it would make a difference.

Thanks guys. I am footballed out. Think I am going to go get a bath and head for bed.

I hate housework! It's so repetitive, so unrewarding and no one really gives a damn or appreciates it for that matter. That's why I have someone else do it.
Nonetheless, my daughter has to help around the house. She has made her
bed since she was 5 years old, she cleans up after herself, and if she doesn't
put her clothes in the hamper it doesn't get washed. I am a firm believer that
kids need to contribute to household chores just like the rest of the family.

mismi, is there some volunteer work you can do at school? Here, they are
always looking for parents to help out. Writing newsletters to parents, initiating
fund raisers, helping out at the library, tutoring, and so forth.

I seem to recall that you have great knowledge about health insurance carriers, maybe you want to create a small network to help out those who don't know what carrier to choose an/or which plan to take.

Lots and lots of good ideas coming out. I'm glad things are feeling a bit more accomplished.

I agree with the idea of detailed lists. There is something about being able to mentally report back -- I didn't get the drawers done but I took 20 good photos and got Margie to the doctor's and waited with her and did a load of dishes. Or whatever.

I also think the idea of having the boys help is going to work a few wonders. Of course they won't be fantastic to start and there may be some bellyaching but these are life skills that they should be learning. And your standards in that area shouldn't be super high. E. g. you want them to get the clothes into the hamper, not sorted, pretreated and prioritized. You want the bed made in a reasonable manner, not with hospital corners. Etc. Better skills will come with time and, if it's important to you, you can start to push for more, but in the meantime start small and see where that leads.

BTW men who can do laundry, make beds, wash dishes, do yardwork and make dinner are really amazing and fantastic men.

The thing is you don't have to know what that is right out of the gate. The trick is to set aside some time that is just for you. Allow yourself to be completely selfish. Ever wish you could do this or do that or you think something would be interesting? So you enroll in that water color class at the community college and try it out. It isn't something that totally absorbs you? Okay next the pottery class. No? How about taking a whirl at learning the guitar? That may not be it either, but the point is you keep expanding your horizons, having fun without feeling guilty about doing it and not feeling guilty about moving on to something else. You're not looking to take on another job here. You're looking for somethat that enriches your life. I guarantee you that you 'll eventually hit on something that you just can't wait to get to. That will be your emotional underpinning that makes all the mundane stuff in your life less cumbersome. You'll be happier and, as a result, your loved ones will be happier too.

There have been great suggestions Jespah. The list thing really helped me to focus on what I had done and actually spurred me on to do more. It was great.

The boys do clean their rooms, make their beds, wipe the toilets and sinks, empty the garbage cans and take care of the animals (in the morning). Of course I am always on them to do it...and one day I hope it just becomes something they do without me having to remind and prompt strongly - they are just 8, 8 and 5 - and I reward occasionally for doing without being asked.

My problem is me. I have a lot on my plate - I do volunteer up at the school. I am up there sometimes three days a week. I drive an older friend once a week to her P.T. and I teach 1st graders at my church. I lead the singing on Sundays at my church in the 8:00 service. These - though I don't mind them and can't imagine not doing them - they are not to my creative bent (except the singing - which I dearly love). I paint, and I write - not well on either but I love them. I use to love to read - but even that has gotten difficult to do because of these focus issues. I have all of this plus the boys baseball, cubscouts and friends over etc. - then there is housework (gag).

All in all - I think I need to scale back on what I am doing and try to do a little less. I have managed in the last few years to take on too much and I believe that has something to do with my inability to keep to the task at hand.

I think after exploring this subject and just stepping back and looking at what I really am doing, that it is as much about being more choosey about what I take on. And relaxing my standards a bit. I try to please too many people by saying yes because I want them to be happy - and my motivation is wrong. I don't want them to be unhappy - I just need to explain what I have and tell them "no". I want to be perfect - and I am not. SO much less than that - and getting worse by the day because of my inability to perhaps disappoint someone. I really do put a lot of store in what others think - always have. I don't think that is a bad thing...but it can be at times.

Your ideas and suggestions have been wonderful - of course coming from you all - it is huge and truly helps me to take a critical look about what I am or am not doing - what I should be or should not be doing and what others are feeling and doing - a rule of sorts to measure myself against. I appreciate that so much.

Thank you Foxfyre - I really do want to take a watercolor class - I need to look into it. Also - ballroom dancing - my husband won't do that with me...can I do it by myself?

These are good suggestions...I am scaling back and looking to find again what my passions really are.

I think that's it in a nutshell.

Consider people who tell you no. E. g. you ask someone else to volunteer to, I dunno, make cookies for a school fundraiser. Some people say yes, some say no. Some say yes and then don't follow through which of course is a different matter. But what about the people who say no? How do you feel about that? Some reasons are, er, reasonable (gotta take my mother to the doctor, the car's in the shop, I have class, etc.), some are not (gotta wash my hair, I thought you were going to do it, etc.). Those reasonable reasons can exist for you, too. You can be the one who has class, etc.

thanks Jes :-)