Ahhhhhhhhhh.... there is so much going on in that head of yours a? sweet girl.
Remember those times before G-baby went to school - there was so much to always do... it was never ending and rushing the boys around here, there and everywhere and keeping house.
Well, with all 3 little fellas at school now, the time you once had which was filled with doing everything for everyone has left you with those few hours to spare. You have had to be organised and enjoy the house being neat and clean - that's great - it's who you are too - and you feel your responisbility now is to ensure it's immaculate - because, "what else is there to be doing?" I'm with Foxfyre completely (but then I'm biased towards the nice lady I know her to be) that you really need to have that "you" time - you are such a bundle of energy - you absolutely amaze me at what you achieve (though you don't see yourself as we do here) - I would go on board with finding something that is just for you, maybe not in the house either - I know the thought of going back to work is one that is playing on your mind - personally, I believe maybe you need to discover more about yourself now before heading back into work - but that's just a personal opinion on how I know you - I believe maybe you have spent so long "doing" for others that you've forgotten to "do" for yourself.
Of course, I may be projecting "me" (you know I have that tendancy (HA) to do that - but it did take me a looooooooooooong time to realise I was actually more than mother, daughter, sister, wife, and general "do-er" for what needed to be done. It felt selfish at the time, and wrong at the time - but now.... it does feel right.
I used to have the "show home" - now I realise, it really doesn't matter - again as FF says - if it's not done.... well, no matter, there's always another day.
You are such a fantastic Mom - you DO so much and it's completely genuine - it's what you love - you really are amazing. When G-baby was around, you had more interruptions which were G-baby's needs and then having seen to him, you could go back to doing the other things you were doing before, and there were never enough hours in the day - whereas now, the interruptions come in different forms - ones that aren't 5 years old, so are less important, but distract you from what you were starting. But that's also OK hun. There isn't a rule book here.... life is changing for you with your little fellas growing up. You've feathered a nest for a long time... now you need to go fly a little too.
I know there is other stuff rattling around in your head and that is something that is there and painful for you to come to terms with (hugs) - I also believe you have to be busy all the time (will be interested to see what Mr. Stilly has in mind) - but I think you know that your energy is in excess at times - (oh, if only.......... <sighs> <smiles>) so you need to be "doing" .... well, Mis has to find something that uses that energy up.
You enjoy exercise - or rather exercise enjoys you - it's get's you pumped up and makes you feel good after - how about joining a gym (finances permitting) and doing an aerobics class (as opposed to working out at home) - getting out the house and meeting people and working off the excess energy. Meeting up with your friends - and then creative stuff..... you can only paint the house so many times, or clean up so much.... find something creative that is also using that "energy".
And in "slow down" moments - reading...quilting which you enjoy.... writing... just chilling without feeling guilty.
It's coming into winter.... so less to do in the garden, kids are going to be tired as the term goes on... use the few hours you have doing something that makes you
feel good rather than what you feel you ought to be doing for others (that doesn't have to stop, it just doesn't need to rule you) - in the end, you will feel better for doing it and find you are more productive in the "chore" sense -
it's losing the guilt for just doing something for you.... I know, for you, that will be hard - you do so much for your family - and this is good - but you also need to have something to call your own.
love you MisDixie x