Bid to be bridesmaid

yeah, it's a joke.

go through a few of the pics, you'll see nuns in drag.

I don't know why some brides have their maids where such ugly dresses cj.

I think maybe the bride has some vision of how she wants the day to look, as far as colors let's say, and doesn't want to consider that those colors will make some women look like death warmed over.

As far as style? Well, quite a few of the pictures that had been shown were from other decades, when a certain look was in (like the baby blue tux)

Actually, to be honest, only 2 of the dresses I wore as brides maid were horrible. One because it was yellow, a color I just can't wear. Also, it was back in the 70's (I was young, I think 18) and we wore those floppy hats that seemed to be all the rage for weddings at the time.
Then, there was the blue dress I mentioned before. When I got home after the wedding, as soon as I closed the front door, I literally unzipped and stepped out of the dress as I walked from the door to the kitchen, bunched it up and shoved it in the trash.

The other 2? One was actually nice enough that I could have worn it again, if I had the need of a long dress. The other was very nice too, and of a color that happened to flatter me.
The common denominator of course was that they were of a simple classic style, not made to look like a bridesmaid dress, but rather something one would wear as a guest to the reception.

Yeah, I guess that's the other thing. The bride wants her attendants to stand out from the guests, so sometimes makes horrible choices so they can be differentiated I suppose. I think it's enough that they are all dressed alike.

There are a few colors that everyone looks good in, like black. But, for the longest time that would not be considered as an option. Personally I think that would be really elegant.

And yes, the bridesmaid pay for their own dresses, shoes, which is maybe another reason why sometimes ugly garments are chosen.

I agree Chai....but black has come into its own as far as bridemaids are concerned. It makes for a very elegant wedding these days.

I was a bridesmaid in 8 weddings (two of those the maid of honor). I think that is why it wears me out to think about it. I always felt like if I was asked to be a bridesmaid that I should be as helpful to the bride as possible. I ran errands and helped her make decisions. I was always so happy to see them getting into the car to leave for the honeymoon. Shew!

But I will say there was not one dress I was embarrassed to wear. I got to wear a few of them more than once. The thing when I was being bridesmaid was to have the long slim dresses. So you could actually cut them off to under the knee and they made great cocktail dresses.

I was a Wedding Coordinator for the last few years and I also think that is why I have the heeby jeebies when it comes to weddings. Weddings can be so stressful-for everyone. I handed it off - was glad to say I am done with that!

And Jane...we did have to pay for our own dresses and shoes...it wasn't cheap. Most of the time the bride gave us earrings that she liked and matched the dresses.

I picked out bridesmaid dresses that I thought the girls could wear again to go out. I even borrowed one back to wear to an outing, I still have it. I also paid for the dresses so it wouldn't be a hardship on the ones I asked.

On the other hand, I have been the maid of honor 3 times having to wear hideous dresses that looked awful.

That was good of you to pay for the dresses.

Personally, I think the bride should pay for, let's say, half of the cost of the dresses. It would sure leave a lot more options open.

Also, just because you are good friends with the bride, you may not feel personally that just because someone is getting married, they need to be this princess for the day.

Many times it's not so much as honor as an obligation.

I mean, really, why is it such an "honor" to be chosen as a bridesmaid? I'm not going to be any more or less of a friend if I'm not in the bridal party. If I want to help her with stuff, I don't have to be a bridesmaid.

As far as the day of the wedding, you're just there to look ornamental.

Same thing for groomsmen. Big deal.

Going on to more serious thoughts....

For me personally, I never saw the sense in this whole fairy tale wedding concept.

How many weddings have we gone to as guests? When you were there, were you thinking how this was some magical perfect day for the bride, and that you would always remember it as the beginning of Mary Lou's wonderful journey into the world of wedded bliss?

I doubt it.

However, these brides that go on about this being "her special day" etc. etc....I think part of their fantasy is that the guests are all standing there in awe of her bridey-ness, and are so appreciative of every little detail that the bride obsessed over for months, or even back into their childhood.

The fact is, the guests go home after you spent a fortune on all this, and hardly give the whole experience a thought within a day or two, if that. Well, maybe except for the thought "Jesus they spent a shitload of money" I doubt anyone is sitting around contemplating the wonderousness of the day.

If the bride says "well, I'm doing this for myself" she might as well have hired actors that would surround her that day, who swoon every time she turns around.

And where, let's not forget, is the groom in all this? I seriously find it disturbing when the bride gets so wrapped up in this, that the fact she making vows to go through the good times and bad with this man goes completely by the wayside. Well, except for the fact that perfect vows must be written and recited to each other, which no guest attending the wedding is going to remember in 5 minutes.

Quick....think of any wedding you've been to where the couple wrote their vows.....what were they?

I also wonder if, years from now, the man or woman remind each other once in a while, "hey, don't forget, you made that vow to me 8 years ago, you know, the ones we wrote back then, something about the stars and the moon and stuff"

I dunno, for better or worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health pretty much said it for me, and yes, we have reminded ourselves of those vows over the years.

I don't see where having a wedding that puts you or your family in debt (sometimes hugely) has any connection to the success of the marriage.

Mine has been happier than most, and we ate breakfast @ Dennys afterwards.

I agree with you Chai. I couldn't tell you what I said for my vows except I know I didn't say the word "obey" in them.

Here is a picture of the dress I picked out for the bridesmaids. Just keep in mind this was the early 80's and I was only 21 at the time.

Of course you do - you get to keep those lovely things.

I choose black because that is what everyone wanted (bridesmaids that is) and also I thought it would be elegant for an evening wedding. I let a couple of the bridesmaid choose so they could pick what they liked and thought would look good and also so they could choose the price range.

Oh Chai! Well...I personally felt that the 8 girls that stood up for me were my honor - it was my good fortune to have them there so stand with me in a HUGE commitment I was making. I consider them witnesses and among the best friends I have and ever will have. The wedding ceremony was more for me. I loved my dress, I loved the girls dresses. I actually went the cheap route for them...my wedding was a bit of a garden affair even though it was in the church...I got them to order from Chadwicks these pretty watermelon colored dresses...they were $40 bucks. But they were so pretty and perfect for a summer afternoon wedding. The reception was for the people that came. It was amazing food and drink.

It would have been just fine had I gone the other route though...even if we had gone and gotten married at the courthouse...but I did have fun at my wedding...and I tried to make sure everyone that came did too.



It was a big church and I worked there and I had a friend whose Mom was a florist so it was not nearly as extravagant as it seemed. I picked the ivy and got the paper rolls from Scott Paper and covered them in fabric...I cleaned the ivy and dipped it in floor wax to help preserve them and borrowed peoples ferns...the rest was tulle that I bought inexpensively by the roll...it is a little cheesey now...but I still love it. I found my dress at an inexpensive store that sold highschool girls prom dresses...I bought it for less than I could rent one. I have told you all I am so tight I squeak!

that's my Daddy - and my dress

gorgeous!



Inside and out.

mismi
It looks like you choose a similar color for your bridesmaids dresses as I did. The picture I posted is one I just took because I still have the dress and wear it sometimes.

btw I also paid for the guys tux rentals. I figured it was my wedding and I didn't want other people to have to pay to be in it. I did let my parents pay for the flowers and the hat I wore.

Gorgeous wedding dress mismi

that is a pretty photo

( pretty dress and pretty lady too!! )

Thank you JPB! Thank you TTH and Thank you Shewolf.

It was fun...it went much too fast for me. I was so sad when we had to get in the car and leave! You are all sweet...gosh I have had fun going down memory lane! Thanks for letting me :wink:

Linkat - I think that is such a great idea to choose a color and let them choose what looks best on them. I love the idea of individual dresses that suit the person wearing them. That was very thoughtful.

TTH....you were very generous. I know your wedding party appreciated it so much. Your bridemaid dresses are very pretty...a little darker than mine but such a pretty color. I like the simplicity of it.

edit: I am sure my friends were glad to see me get in the car and leave though!

Thanks mismi
I bought the girls pearl necklaces to go with the dress except I never told them they were real

My wedding didn't go fast enough. I got married on a Sat. and had to be in school on Mon. with a paper due

mismi

you obviously weren't a bridezilla though, who had unrealistic expectations of how this one day affair was going to influence your marriage, or other people.



If, right now I said I wanted to throw a big party for no particular reason, I'd do it. People would have a good time, but it wouldn't be with the expectation that this was "my special day", because even though getting married is special, it's not some unique event that others care that much about.

You're obviously very proud of how your wedding went. That's great. I'll be honest, I started reading your post and got as far as something about paper towels, and my mind blanked out. But that didn't have to do with your wedding, it had to do with the fact that as soon as I realize someone is talking about some craft thing....my mind goes blank and it doesn't come back.

hmmmm.....maybe that's the esscence of what I don't care for about this whole "fairy tale wedding" concept. It's like a big arts and crafts project.

Whenever someone starts talking about how they glued some sequin on the lower quarter of a framework of orange peels, and then secured the upper half with pine cones dipped in guacamole, I zone out.

In my marriage, our wedding day is closer to the bottom of important days to me .

My best day?
Was when I told Ian I was pregnant.

I was so tired, I would sleep for HOURS on end. I lost my job at that time because of it. I thought I was having other health issues though I knew I was pregnant... err... that .. THE.. night.. ..


not even 2 weeks later, I finally go get a test just so I can see what I already know.

Took it.
Put it in a plastic baggie.
Taped it to the outside of the front door and went to sleep.
Woke up , 4 hours later , with him holding that bag staring at me almost in tears.


love it.

That's hilarious Chai...and wonderful. No, I agree that the ones who make a wedding into some kind of an "all about me" kind of thing would wear pretty thin pretty quickly. I can't stand that show Bridezillas because the girls annoy me so badly.

Okay...quick story - but true. The last wedding I was coordinator for was a young girl who was quite different. I said more than once to her for her own protection, "That is not etiquette and some may frown upon it but if you are okay with it then we can do it" - I really am not an etiquette follower for etiquette's sake. But I did not want a bride doing something she would be sorry for later because she did not know. That was my main concern.

I sat and watched this wedding ceremony with a smile on my face the entire time. The girls were all barefooted - even the bride. It was truly the most fun, and warm and sweet ceremony I had seen. The last thing they did was walk to the center with their escort and did some crazy thing like the girl pretending to slug the guy in slow motion and then they slow mo'd up the aisle to the theme from Chariots of Fire by Vangellis. I kid you not. I had tears in my eyes. The church was full of laughter. It was great. I would not have the gumption to do it...I was truly impressed.

sweet story Shewolf...love that!

mismi
That is a sweet picture and you both look great!!!