THE ENIGMAS OF OZTRALIA

I had no idea that Oztralians had such thin skin. Is that a result of the blood rushing to your heads as you walk around upside down?

When she emigrated from Oztralia.

I can't think what yer on about . . . must be one a them Oztralian things . . .

All dogs should die

http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=113127&start=0

I always thought enigmas lived in Peru.

dyslexia wrote:

I always thought enigmas lived in Peru.

And I thought iguanas lived near you?

Australiana - Austen Tayshus
(This is a spoken word "song" featuring puns based on famous Australian places, flora and fauna. Each section is followed by notes in parentheses explaining the Australian references.)

Sittin' at home last Sunday mornin' me mate Boomerrang Said he was havin' a few people around for a barbie, Said he might Kookaburra or two.

I said, "Sounds great, will Wallaby there?"

He said "Yeah and Vegemite come too".

So I said to the wife "Do you wanna Goanna?". She said "I'll go if Dingos".

So I said "Wattle we do about Nulla?"

He said "Nullabors me to tears, leave him at home."

Boomerang (Aboriginal weapon) (Barbie - Australian slang for barbeque) (Kookaburra - Australian bird) (Wallaby - Australian animal) (Vegemite - Australian food product) (Goanna - Australian lizard) (Dingo - Australian wild dog) (Nullabour - Highway through the outback of Australia)

We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sittin there tryin to Platypus!

Now, I don't like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked, I mean how much can a Koala bear.

So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

(Booze - slang for alcohol) (Platypus - fresh-water animal) (Illawarra - A region in southern Australia) (Wangaratta - Australian town)

Pretty soon Ayers Rocks in and things really started jumpin'. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying to go to the toilet but she couldn't find it. I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsupial?" He said "She can go outback with the fellas, she's probably seen a cockatoo".

(Ayres Rock - that big rock in the middle of Australia) (Marsupial - pouched mammals, e.g. kangaroos, bandicoots, wombats) (Cockatoo - Australian bird)

Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody. Fairdinkum, you've never seen a Coolabah maid. I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra - tah".

(Coolabah - Australian tree) (Warratah - Australian bush)

A couple of Queensland at the party, one smellin' pretty strongly of aftershave. One of 'em sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, Eureka Stockade!"

(Queensland - Australian State) (Eureka Stockade - the site of a civial revolt in the 1800's) (Eureka - translating to 'You reek a" - meaning you really stink).

It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the Riverina?" She said "I haven't got my Kosciusko".

Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, Wattle they care!" Ina says "What, without so much as a Thredbo?" Ah, Perisher thought! Has Eucumbine in yet?

(Riverina - an area in southern Australia known for fruit orchards) (Kosi - meaning cosi - slang for swimming costume) (Kosciousko - a mountain in the Australian snow fields; highest peak in Australia) (Wattle - Native Australian tree) (Thredbo - Ski Resort in southern Australia) (Perisher - another ski resort near Thredbo) (Eucumbene - a lake in Australia)

Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer says "Why doesn't Wombat?" "Yeah, and let Tenterfield".

He said I should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards. I said to Lyptus "Wanna game of Eucalyptus?" He said "There's no point mate, Darwins everytime."

(Wombat - Australian animal) (Tenterfield - Australian town) (Euca - card game) (Eucalyptus - Australian tree koala's live in) (Darwin - Capital of the Northern Territory - territory of Australia)

Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was stashed. I said "I think Merinos." But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says "Great, Barrier Reefer, what is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Adelaide 'em on me." And it was a great joint too, Blue Mountains away and his Three Sisters.

(Merino - Australian sheep) (Great Barrier Reef - The famous coral reef running down the coast of Queensland) (Adelaide - capital of South Australia) (Noosa Heads - a seaside resort in Queensland) (Blue Mountains - Mountain range outside Sydney) (Three Sisters - Landmark in the Blue Mountains, 3 pinnacle rocks)

Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said "Chuck us the Tally Hobart". He said "They're out on the Laun, Ceston, can you get em for us?" Burnie says "Its okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya"

(Tally Ho - Cigarette papers) (Hobart - Capital of Tasmania - Australian State) (Launceston - city in Tasmania) (Burnie - city in Tasmania) (Apples - one of the main export products of Tasmania)

Just then Alice Springs into action, starts to pack Billabong. And you wouldn't believe it, the bongs broken. I said "Lord Howe!"

"Hay-man" somebody says "Will a Didgeridoo?" I said "Hummmmm mummmm mummmmm mummmmm maybe it'll have ta."

(Alice Springs - capital city of the Northern Territory - near Uluru / Ayers Rock) (Billabong - water hole in the outback) (Lord Howe - Australian owned island off the east coast of Australia) (Hayman - Australian island on the Great Barrier Reef) (Didgerdoo - Aboriginal musical instrument) (Hummmm mummmmmm mummmmmm - sound the didgerdoo makes - long droning sound)

I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there, not getting into it, not getting out of it, I said "What, is Bass Strait or somthin?" Boomer says "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said "Ya jokin mate, a cop, I'm getting outta here, lets Goanna." She said "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I dont wanna leave Jacardanda party on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on Toowoomba, he's already tried to Mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you Australiana!"

Hingehead has provided the basis upon which i will rest my case. Oztralia is full of enigmas, and other reptiles (the name Howard leaps to mind) . . .

In just 30 years, one weed has taken over vast stretches of the Northern Territory. Mimosa pigra, a native of tropical America, has consumed more than 800 square kilometres of wetlands and now threatens Kakadu National Park.