@mysteryman,
Dear Stacy
Oh hun.... what a handsome fella. You must be very proud to call him your nephew and hold onto all the things made made him the boy he was. That picture and feeling must stay in your heart every day. Thanku so much for sharing it with us. We are blessed that you would do that Stacy. Thanku. x
It is so lovely to meet you, tho I wish it were under different circumstances and so very courageous of you to come online. Everything must be so terribly hard right now to come to terms with. You just have to do what you can to get thru each day - try not to think too much on the next weeks and months... just each day as it comes. Your emotions will rollercoaster and you may feel competely out of control. Hold onto all the memories you have of Kaine, and hold onto J too, who is your present and future and be there, if you can, for Jason as he needs you.
Cody will have to deal with things his way. Watching children deal with tragedy is so difficult.... Tulip (another of our Brits) watches how her children deal with their feelings each day from their father passing, my friend, just under a year ago - and at times, it seems incredible how they (kids) manage to cope with their emotions better than we, as adults, do. In fact they become mini adults... they are Cody's age. Give him time - and just the opportunity - should he wish - to talk... or not talk. His friends will probably be the most comfort too him right now, because they won't be grieving like the adults - that may sound strange - but kids will go on with their every day life as it was before, and will distract him and "just be kids" - they are less inclined to feel guilty for laughing, or joking, or just being themselves. We deal with grief in such a different way - and strangely again, children pull us up without meaning too - they're the ones who kinda make us see that life goes on, as hard as that sounds, it will, it does, and everyone hopefully finds a way.
In saying that, I don't think the pain ever goes.... you just find a way of dealing with it so that it doesn't consume your life. Kaine would not have wanted his family to suffer... Kaine has to live on in all of you - by all of you helping, being, supporting and caring for one another, just the best way you can.
No guilt hunni, no feelings of right or wrong. TALK to J when you can, most of all, no matter how much you wish to pull back... hold onto whats dear to you and continue to live, laugh and love. All in good time girl.... all in good time... and there are NO time limits, and no-one can fix what's ahppened or change their immense void you will have in your lives.
Bereavement counselling can be very beneficial - but not for a while yet (after a few months)- the shock of what's happened to Kaine, and therefore to all of you, has to go thru that "process" of grief is... whatever the process is for each individual involved. No rights, wrongs, judgements.... day by day... and eventually, we hope to find peace, whether that is thru your faith.... or whether it just a way that makes you understand, it is what is - it can't be changed. BUT knowing Kaine is in your hearts and the remarkable selfless act from Jason that his life has been gifted to others - and can help many more people - is truly a wonder. That innter strength of smething good coming from someone dying so tragically, I hope will give him some peace in the future, tho that make take a very long time.
I'm so glad you came here - please, come by anytime and just write, or sit, or do whatever makes you feel comfortable. So many of this crew have understanding of so many different situations.... tho none of us are experts - we have a friendship that goes out around the world... albeit a cyber world... but a very real world for some of us too. We're here for all of your - you're our KY crew. One day it will good to meet you in real life under much better circumstances. J has my email hun - feel free to use it ANYTIME.... nite or day.
I wont wish you a Happy New Year per se... to your family - that would not sit right with me.... what I will offer is a New Year for you to come to terms, to let time pass... for peace to find you... to find friendships from unknown quarters.... and for you to find the hidden strength that has bee dealing with so many family passings in the last year. You are a good person Stacy.... 2009 will be a healing year... there may be more years it will take.... know you can come her ANYTIME.... the crew here are the best in the world - and will always tell you how it is and not fluff it up too much <except me.... I am mrs fluffy, drippy, gushy..... tho that Mis and Babbling do a pretty good fluffy.
We can't wrap you all in conttonwool for a year and this next time next year you will fee better..... nope, it won't work that day. Normal, every day.... when you. When you can.... take a long walk, a drive in the car, take the things that are more precious in your life and make them count every day you can... IT WONT BE EASY..... but I know you and do it... you have a good man beside you - hold each tight and help each other when you cant. If it's easier to talk online - go right ahead girlie... he'll know - sometimes saying things silently is better than saying nothing at al. You can trust the folk here - they are good decent regular folksies, different culures, different opnions... If just ONE thing, one word, or phrase, can make a difference to you and the family - the maybe this is why this "ship with the motley crew" sail..
Take care Stacy - you're in our thoughts with so much love and belief, with J, Jason Cody and the family. x
. Your MSN fixed yet? Quiet day downunder, very cool for this time of the year, after such a warm Christmas. Sounds like a great night coming up, very happy for you. Now easy on the Bailey's eh!
