It's hard to write things when you don't want to talk negative sh!te - blech
silent mode had kicked in
but this is Charlie's voice for the mo...she has asked me say a few things earlier coz ... she's struggling
she knows that there is strength here, and I know she's right
she can't talk to anyone right now, friends or family - mebbe tomorrow
so
she needs your prayers, ommmmms, thoughts and wishes so much - right now, she's not able to think clearly
none of us can really
course, we don't want her thinking right now, we just want her to heal from the surgery
The high from yesterday has hit a low and she feels just a little blindsided
I know too well, having an op and all the blah that goes with it, a balance doesn't come easy and the highs and lows happen
so
she is home, in bed and resting now
hmmmmmmmm.............
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................
tough day
ooooooooooooof
Bollocks.
surgeon today: not 1, but 6 nodes were removed, cancer had spread to the first lymph node
but the surgeon believes it has been removed successfully - there is a possibility that should the results prove necessary that more lymph nodes will need to be removed - that'll be the decision of the lab rats, it's one of those wait and see what the outside of the tissue looks like and whether enough was removed - she will find out later next week. We knew that was a possibility. That's not a problem per se - she can do surgery no problem. Really, she can - she has heaps of strength in her for that, so that's k... ya know, as k as it can be. We don't know yet if the other nodes were affected - they were removed anyhoo.
However, the reality is she also needs to make a decision in the next couple of weeks of whether or not she will agree to chemo. HER+ or ER+ - unknown as yet - when the results come through she will need to have made the decision. There will be a lot of soul searching going on during this time as she is very opposed to the idea of chemo - naturally, this will be her choice and her choice alone and we will support whatever decisions she makes.
There are too many "if"'s and "buts" at the moment - it's not as clean cut as it appeared to be - but that's life a? c'est la effing vie. Of course, we also know that she needs time to heal and that post-op blues are kicking in and the whole emotional rollercoaster of the last 2 weeks - but her brain is in overdrive now - she was not expecting this... her meeting with the surgeon today has put a massive spanner in the works
the "spread" is miniscule in quantity - however, we all also know that it only takes one bad cell.
Everyone is feeling a little sick right now - the children have been great - Charlie is being completely open and honest with them and this is the best policy - they are able to deal with this news because they are surrounded by love and positivity. Kbro is "being large" at the mo, but Charlie is.... very low, very down, despondent...angry to a point. She still has great faith in the Big Man upstairs and that does not waiver - but it's a lot to take onboard in such a short space of time
So - she is entitled to be grumpy, cranky and feeling crahp right now
ya hear that sis... FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL ... lean when you need to - we will never leave you, we love you! Please sleep baby girl... sleep.
We're all very tired - so just gonna spread the load a little and put this out on the deck and whatever you guys can do to keep the PINK THINK TANK positively going - that would be good.
oh, by the way, her boob is the most glorious colour of turquoise blue - gorgeous - ha, yep, there will be a pic
- it will stay blue for about 6 months
She does not feel as tho she has any cancer left there - this is HUGELY POSITIVE.
Wrote this many hours ago and told Charlie I couldn't post it yet ............. time to post it............. her sister Tory is here with the family now
Gin and tonics downed...
Charlie is sleeping... finally
We’re talking **** around the kitchen table - struggling to know which way to turn now - just, wasn't expecting it to have spread... and thought ....
well, just goes to show ...don't bloody think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Kev just said - if we could second guess something and bottle it, we'd be in the money a? Ha, money, means nothing!
Not with it at all.... effing blah and effing blah and effing blah
sorry, tired, too tired, feeling right effing pissed off!
Izzie step aside if you don't mind, taking your 'sis' for a spin. Keep up your spirits Charlie, you're doing great. (((Charlie))).
.
