Hoarders' therapy group.

Yeah. I'm not actually a hoarder. My mom actually is. I did a thorough organization and cleaning of her house (HUGE job) about a dozen years ago... it was back to where it was before long.

Oh well.

I didn't grow up in a church-going family, but my mother kept The Rummage Sale Box in the corner of her closet. Sometimes the Methodists claimed it, sometimes the Presybterians.

I miss that Rummage Sale Box.

Before I was married, I wouldn't of had a clue, what all you folks are talking about. Then, I got married. Immediately, bedroom, spare room, exchanged title rights. Soon after that, I lost the upstairs loft. Time and my pack rat wife, were working against me. So I implemented a rule. For everything that you bring into the house, something has to go out. "Honey, you don't need the clothes you wore in high school." "Do you really still need three sets of cheer leading pom-poms?" I do believe the front I tried to put up had a reverse effect. To this day, it's an ongoing struggle. If I could only get rid of these five year old magazines,

Throw stuff out!

Novel concept! How could I possibly part with all those old books, photos, cards, paperwork, LP records when I no longer have anything to play them on!

And don't mention the clothes! And the non-working electrical appliances. And the remainder of those 3 dinner sets that I removed as far as the garage when the new set arrived.

Garage - can scarcely fit the car in!

I probably have a spare cat around here somewhere

I like that rule about throwing something out for everything that comes into the house. Bloody undisciplined I am :wink:

I'm a hoarder, too! But, I do have an excuse, at least for my recent acquisitions. I have clothes that I've had for a decade - that don't fit! I keep expecting I'll lose the extra few pounds between me and those items. I have school work from my elementary years right on up through my graduate studies. I have books and books and books (and some magazines (like hundreds of National Geographics). I have a folder an inch thick of my niece's drawings from early on to recent. I buy candles and never use them. I have my last computer still......

My current excuse for collecting is that I will soon become a classroom teacher. I'll need all those boxes, pencils, stickers, clips, books, hanging folders, plastic sleeves.........

Ugh, I know! That's my problem with it too. I can't bear to throw anything away, I feel too guilty. But then I end up with a huge pile of thrift store stuff (thrift stores always love me, wherever I go) and no thrift store nearby, so it just sits there in a pile for ages waiting for me to take it somewhere. And that makes it more annoying and clutter-y than if I'd just left it all where it was in the closets and cupboards... If I could just allow myself to throw things away, cleaning out would be so much faster and easier!

I used to give things to the S. Army in north Eureka, but, at least in those years, it was irritating as hell to park and deliver.

My problem is that I need to sell a lot of stuff, not just donate it. I need the moolah, and some portion of my stuff is sellable. I'm presently following a friend around on ebay and amazon, learning from his learning. The big stopper re amazon is that I don't want to be running to the 'far away' post office every two days. He sold 25 books in something like 2 weeks, but went to the post office many times. (I did find out a few of my books are nice and valuable.)

I need to have some garage sales, advertising them, but first I need to clear out most of the garage - Spring can be windy here, and I need to utilize the garage for the sale anyway.

Then there's Craig's List..

Before all this, I need to take various photos. Which means it is time for dodo to learn to use her digital camera.

First, I think I'll have a nice glass of cold sauvignon blanc...

You know.....it seems to me it is kind of like phobic behaviour...the fear being of some inchoate, dreadful fate of some sort that awaits if you dispose of this thing or that thing.

I do wonder if a graded exposure program might work? You know, facing the fear in steps........and/or a rigid behavioural program with very clear criteria for the disposal of something?


I don't really hoard, as such......but I sometimes need to get rid of something in stages.


I do think the really serious hoarding is symptomatic of mental health problems....you know, the people living in warrens of trash in their homes. A lot of sort of sad old people seem to become overwhelmed in stuff, too.


I remember my father's house became overwhelmed in papers...letters, bills, anything that came in an envelope. It infiltrated every drawer in the house.


I bet it has a category in DSM IV, or is, at least, part of the criteria for some disorder or other!!!

Edit:


And, of course, it does and is.


Part of the Anxiety disorder family, species obsessive/compulsive disorder....that should have been blindingly obvious.


http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/162/5/1031


http://www.tufts.edu/vet/cfa/hoarding/pubs/litreview.pdf



http://www.psychiatrist.com/pcc/pccpdf/v01n05/v01n0508.pdf


Only here's a distinction:

Differential diagnosis



And a website:

Website



Of course, most hoarders aren't at that level!!!!

I wouldn't say I'm a hoarder so much as there is disorganization here (yes, there is) which really should be tackled at some point.

Things like getting together the older taxes stuff which we need to keep for a while but don't really have to look at every day. Or where to put food serving pieces that we only use if we have company. Or what to do about clothes in odd sizes.

Clothes are an issue because I'm watching my weight. I'm hoping to actually wear those clothes within a year or two so I can't just pitch them. And I have pitched a lot of clothes but right now the stuff that's a size or two or three down from what I am right now, well, that's stuff's gonna have to be kept, at least for a while, or else I'll have nothing to wear to work and it'll be transitional so I don't want to invest too much in current size - 1, current size - 2, etc.

The last time I was out of work was when I got rid of a lot of the older clothes, and also put them into a semblance of order. So they're okay but things creep in because we've gotten busy. But once I start going down in sizes, the older stuff will go, of course. Hence that's more of a (hopefully) temporary problem.

We also have a large amount of stuff stored on the dining room table because we buy in bulk. Now, we could put at least some of it in the basement, but it is monstrously cold down there so you really don't want to go down there unless you have to, until about May or so. This is foodstuffs, some paper goods. I don't want the food going down there because we've had issues with mice though never in the cellar. I just don't want it too far out of sight right now.

We also have books that no longer fit the shelves. When my folks next come up, if they bring the car, we may give them some of our books that we no longer read. My folks do a garage sale every year, plus they donate books to the library where my Mom used to work, so things can go then.

It's a process. I do try to do things like look in the backs of closets at least once a year to see what's back there. A purse for a formal affair? I'd keep that, because it's a useful specialty item and you don't want to buy a second one. But a purse for everyday use? Either use it now or put it in the on-deck circle for once the current purse gives up the ghost. Painting clothes (Chai mentioned that)? I actually have painting clothes in more than one size. And we haven't painted in a good five or so years. So those will probably be pitched at some time. Etc. etc. etc.

The only thing I ever hoarded insanely was books. They're precious. They're important. Etc. Then I collected up five hundred of them and sold them to a used book dealer. I don't hoard them anymore.

There's a program on cable called Clean Sweep. Hoarders are visited by an organizer, an interior designer, and a carpenter. Getting people to let go of stuff is painful to watch. Some cry. Some fight. Some get downright nasty. There have been a few tugs of war. The organizer is a sensitive and caring person who genuinely tries to help. Tries to get the hoarder to understand the reasons behind the inability to let go. Some insights. More tears. They ultimately let go. But I'd love to revisit some of those people and see whether they really got over the need to keep stuff.

I agree with Deb. It's definitely a psychological disorder.

At least I understand my own accomulations.

Have you ever seen a Recent Widow of a dedicated handyman, faced with a cellar, an attic, a garage and a workshop full of Valuable Some Day Beloved Junk?

The poor woman is torn between sincere grief and pure rage.

i have 35 shawls and scarves just hanging on the wall in my room. More under the bed and more in the basement. No telling how many.
I have boxes and boxes of accumulated jewelry. Boxes of nailpolish (hey, i could always use it for painting), of makeup (also may be handy in artistic creations...perhaps). Trinkets from all over the world (i cannot possibly throw any of them away....memories!). Books, even more difficult. I was brought up to revere books. They cannot be thrown away. None. Work went into them, the writing, the binding... my dad would not let us to put a book, any book, not even textbook, on the floor, or bend corners (that i do now).
I'll be moving across the ocean in August. Oy vey.

Ah, I do so understand that!

A huge part of the "off-loading of stuff" problem. Sigh.

And I understand this perfectly, too, Noddy! <sighing again> Not at all easy!

A certain ruthlessness would be required to do the job .... some time down the track, when the poor woman can cope with the task!

I suspect that that's one of the hard and unsung things about dealing with a beloved's death -- the stuff.

Oh yes!!! The "stuff" is awful...not just because it is hard work, and hard decisions and terribly distressing.....but it reinforces so deeply just how GONE someone is, and the things are often so pathetic and sometimes so squalid.


I have an agreement with my closest friend (and my principal beneficiary) that she will go in and get rid of anything I didn't manage to deal with that I wouldn't want anyone seeing, .[size=7](like some Star Trek books.... and love letters)[/size] before the rest of my beneficiaries meet to sort out who wants what, and what is trash.

I am not and have never been a hoarder. I am not and have never been an accumulater. I am not and have never been a collector.

I think I win this one oh yeah, uh huh, uh huh...

Throw that stuff out, ladies!! If it's not improving your life, toss it!!!!!!!! I am here to help you.

[size=7](I don't even have a home anymore!)[/size]


Call me and we can go through all your stuff and toss it together, yes, that's what I'll do for you.

However, I'm soon off to Hawaii so I have one day to help you - Feb 2nd... and I may be busy packing, so don't miss this opportunity!!!

[size=7](I wish I knew how to put up a big, blinking banner).[/size]

Thank you, thank you, oh wise one!

Now where, exactly, do us less enlightened folk start with this "stuff" (with all the ramifications!) problem?

Why was the poor woman left to cope with her Dear Departed's Beloved Stuff?

Having watched other women cope with treasured junk, I've decided that some men love treasured junk more than they love their wives. Men who would think of themselves as a burden if they were bedridden and incontinent have no problems saddling their wives with alien burdens.

I've warned Mr. Noddy--his kids get first grabs. Then the neighbors make their picks. Then I'm calling the junk man.

I suspect the poor woman was left to cope with the problem because it had never entered her husband's head that all his junk might be a problem for her after his death, Noddy. (And perhaps he was simply used to others always cleaning up after him, full stop? Not his problem. ?

I like your approach to the problem, though. Mr Noddy has been warned! :wink: