Jhun

"I wanted to be close to him,
He was so lost inside of himself.
He put up walls so high and strong
I never really knew him."

There were eyes on the back of her neck. The music battered on, but she slowed her reckless abandonment for a moment to glance around. Just another night at her favorite New York City nightclub. Of course she was working as hostess to a crowd too drunk and wound up in their own self-absorption and secret plans. What else would one do in that position other than encourage dance by dancing?
The eyes again tore into her. She found their source and was overcome. The figure that met her both terrified and astonished her at the same time. Who was this man who looked so much like the others, but yet struck her spellbound?
His eyes were fiery coals in his shadowed face, hidden by a black cowboy-esque hat with quite an unusual set of goggles perched on them. His trousers fit very well, black leather with slightly platformed boots that had many buckles. He wore a metallic belt and just a black shirt, but what struck her was his face, hidden beneath a shadow, yet so clear. His black curly hard hung below his shoulders as it framed his pale face; that face made so beautiful with lines and shades that he looked almost like a demonic angel!
So it was he, whose eyes pierced me her in the crowd of the room! He did not move. She retreated, quickly, for there was something about this beautiful stranger that alarmed her. She danced in another corner, but felt his eyes boring into her again. She turned and saw him again, closer this time. His lips revealed teeth sharpened to a point. She moved back, again.
She spent some time with the DJs and told them of the strange person. None of them knew or had ever seen him before, but they promised to keep an eye on him in case anything happened. She was gripped by a small spasm of fear--why should this stranger look at her that way? But it passed and morphed into defiance--why should such a stranger have the nerve to try to frighten her? She resolved not to fear him, for he had done nothing but stare her down.
She walked away from the safety of her friends and walked up the stairs, away from the basement party. Perhaps she should always be wary of something like this, as the name of the party was Asylum Guild. She did her normal walk: to the other dance floor and then back to the bar, acknowledging people she saw there every week as she went.
The stranger seemed to have vanished into thin air. Perhaps he had left or gone out to smoke? No. He did not look like a smoker. She checked anyway. He seemed to be gone.
She breathed a sign of relief, mingled with disappointment. She had wanted to show him that she was not afraid of anything, least of all him! She turned to the bar and waited for her chance to ask for a glass of white wine.
Suddenly she felt him, felt his presence washing over her. She turned and there he stood. Their eyes met and she lifted her head to show she was not afraid, but she was cornered and knew it well. The wooden edge of the bar felt like an entire wall.
"May I buy you a drink?" he said with a thickly accented voice that overcame all of the music and chatter around them. She declined.
He turned gracefully and started to signal the bartender. In a rush of panic and daring, she blurted out, "This is a good song! Would you like to dance with me?"
He put his hand out to her and she took it, curious as to his manner. It was not unusual for men in this place to put on an act of being chivalrous, but this beautiful stranger was not acting. It came to him naturally and he executed it with perfect grace and poise. So real, and yet unnervingly unnatural!
He led the way to the center of the floor as he lifted her hand to his face and she felt his warm breath and lips flutter past her fingers. She hastily tried to withdraw her hand, but he caught her by the wrist and drew her closer to him.
They started to dance, he effortlessly and she awkwardly. He drew her closer and closer still until she did not any longer know what to do, whether to run, hit, or relax. She did not have to choose.
"What's going on here?" barked a familiar voice, belonging to a friend of one of the DJs who had listened to her when she spoke of the stranger who had made her uneasy.
She felt the stranger release her and she turned to her friend without hesitating, her face reflecting the relief and safety she felt again! She turned to look at the stranger, but he had vanished like a ghost! But a ghost did not leave his hand prints all over her body and its breath upon her fingertips! He was real.
She turned and went back to the basement, her Asylum Guild, with her friend. Later, she caught a glance of him standing near the bar at one moment, but not again.
The party drew to a close and the lights turned on. She bade goodbye to the DJs, took her bag, and headed up the stairs and out the door to the people who were waiting for her. (They had seen the stranger's earlier antics and were on the alert for strange behavior!)
She walked out the door into the fresh, city air outside and straight into the gaze of her beautiful stranger. He put his hand out.
She glanced around and then, determining her friends were close enough to help if she needed it, she took his hand. He led to the wall of the building and released it. It was then she learned he lives in midtown and is a studying make-up artist. The conversation did not feel natural to her. He then gave her his card, and asked her to contact him soon.
As he handed her the card, she caught sight of his wrist, which she caught in her hands and turned so that she could look more closely. She pulled his sleeve up a little bit to take in the scarred slashes that had healed. Some were still raw.
She felt herself returning to normal. She traced the marks in his skin and looked him in the eye, sadly saying "Did you do this?"
He pulled his arm back and pulled the sleeve down and looked so human for a moment that she suddenly was no longer afraid and lost herself in his expression and presence, more intrigued and sad than afraid. His response was lost in her rapid thoughts.
Her friends called to her. They both looked at her friends and then back to each other. She said, "I will email you" and offered her arms out to him for a hug. He hugged her tight; so tight, she started having trouble taking in more air! Her friends came close and broke it up and led her away. She looked back before they all turned the corner and saw the stranger standing there, a beautiful man, and no longer something immortal and ageless.
One of her friends asked what the card in her hand was and she told them. She read it. "Jhun" was the name. She then held it out to show the name and they took it and ripped it in half and threw it in the street.
Her entire body seized and all she wanted was to beat her friend and mend the pieces, but she could not do either, because it would give away her curiosity and attraction to this stranger, and then they would never let her be alone again!
* * * * *
The week went by and she found herself drifting back to that past Saturday night constantly. She wanted to find a way to find this Jhun again, but she had no idea where to start and no desire to ask and draw attention to her wandering thoughts.
She planned to go to a big party at another club that coming Saturday night. The thought occurred to her that perhaps this Jhun would be there. She hoped that he would be and imagined the situation if he came and how she would react. She had to be ready this time. She resolutely climbed into her car and started the engine, ready to go.

* * * * *
There were a lot of strange souls at this party, but none of them even mildly resembling her stranger. Her best friend was with her and was drifting around, chatting and dancing.
She had been keeping an eye on the entrance area, hoping that this Jhun would walk in, but dreading it if he did and did not remember her. (If he had been drunk that night they had met, things would have made a lot more sense!)
She sat down on an enormous speaker and glanced around.
He appeared. He did not look like he had the way she remembered him. He was wearing no make up, but she knew him.
She leapt up and without thinking, went to him.
"Hey! I don't think you'll remember me, but you met me last week at The Pyramid. This may sound strange, but I've been hoping you would come tonight just so I could talk to you again!"
He made a short reply.
Later on they started dancing together.
They did not stop.
It became more and more intense.
This time, she loved it.
* * * * *
They saw each other sometimes. They were both busy, but she always had time to see him and he was busy much of the time.
She went out with him a couple of times to similar parties or to eat. She brought him pizza one night when he was sick.
But every time they were together, she always left feeling used in a way. She wanted to be close to him, to really get to know him. But every time she tried, she failed. This went on for some time. They barely knew each other. She told herself time and again that she should not be interested in a man like this, but she knew that she was and probably would be for a very long time.
Time went by, her world collapsed and rebuilt itself again and again. She grew further and further away from him, even though she wanted so badly to talk to him, find out what he was up to. Maybe even dance with him again!
* * * * *
And here I am now. My life is putting itself together and I am becoming happy.
But one of the only things that stirs my mind and makes me sad is remembering my dear Jhun.
Sometimes I want to call him, but I know in my heart that it would be better to just let him be.
I hope that he finds himself in somebody else as well as in his power to make anything beautiful.
Then I hope for him to be truly happy.

"And the days and nights went by.
Time has taken its toll.
I don't think I will ever know him.
Maybe fate will change its course
But both of us will keep on living
Without a thought of what 'may have' come.
And I will dream of a better day
When the image of his face does not make me sad."