Mom and dad were heroes

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Mom and dad were heroes

I was born in 1934 during the Great Depression. Dad drove a city bus in Amarillo Texas. My family moved to a very small town in Oklahoma before my first birthday; I had four siblings at the time we moved from Texas to Oklahoma to manage a small café and hotel that was then being managed by my uncle who wished to return to farming.

During the next 15 years my family managed that café and hotel. The building and the business was owned by an absentee landlord, Mr. Ruttzel. The operation was a 24/7 job that took the total energies of all members of the family as each of us became old enough to work.

This operation allowed my parents to raise a large family in reasonably comfortable conditions throughout the depression and war years of World War II.

I think that there are degrees of heroic action. Some heroes are greater than others depending upon the circumstances of their action. To be a hero often requires courage and often causes personal hardship.

On a scale of one to ten I would classify the following people as heroes in most people's judgment:
Mother Theresa (10)
Police and firemen entering the burning buildings in 9/11 attack (8 to 10)
My mom and dad (7)
Men and women fighting in Iraq: our side (5 to 10) their side (?)
Youngster really trying to make good grades in school (7)

The psychologist Alfred Adler said: "The supreme law [of life] is this: the sense of worth of the self shall not be allowed to be diminished."

Heroic actions are our means for maintaining our self esteem. Without heroic action we cannot maintain our own self-esteem. Self-esteem is self-respect. We judge our self as to the degree of worthiness for respect. We rely partially upon the judgment of others but that respect from others is filtered by our own judgments to how heroic our actions are.

It appears that we must feel self-esteem or we suffer mental illness of one degree or another. I gain self-esteem by reading lots of stuff, writing about that stuff, and posting that stuff on this forum, i.e. I am a self-actualizing self-learner (6).

What do you do for self-esteem?

What do you call a formal dance for ducks?

A fowl ball.

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Even if dad was a hero, mom could only have been a heroine.

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Sorry, but I think that most parents just do what they can, with little or no training. Sometimes they get it right.

You idolize your parents for being there for you and working hard in their professions. You were lucky to have a pair of good parents.

But HEROES, I don't think so.

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I agree that your parents were heros,
but I deny that " Heroic actions are our means for maintaining our self esteem.
Without heroic action we cannot maintain our own self-esteem."

It seems to me that self esteem
is axiomatic, in the absence of forfeiture thereof by
acts that the self deems to be despicable.

I doubt that most people are heros; I don 't consider myself to be one.
David

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coberst wrote:

One reason that I posted this was because I wanted to introduce a word
that is so very important to the sciences of psychology and psychoanalysis.

Those r very interesting.

Quote:

All that I have read about these two sciences
indicate that what are called heroic acts are those acts that reinforce our self-esteem
and with out self-esteem we are pitiful creatures.

Is that scientific nomenclature ?

Quote:

My act is heroic if I think it is
and it is also heroic if others think that it is.

If my act is heroic then my self-esteem grows.

I dispute that.
Let us suppose that one day, when it was not too inconvenient,
I rescued from death 50 strangers, of whom I did not particularly approve.

I do not believe that this wud support my self esteem.
In retrospective contemplation, I 'd be indifferent to it.

Suppose that I discovered that thay were socialists:
I might well be a little chagrined and in the privacy of my mind, be ashamed of myself.

Quote:

Lack of self-esteem is one of the major causes of mental illness.

I doubt that.
I am thinking of a girl whom I allowed to live with me,
to save her from destitution, a few decades ago.
She did not have self esteem,
but I did not find her to be distinctively crazy.

David

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The problem with using the word hero, or heroic easily, is that it devalues the word, and devalues the deeds of true heroes.

Heroic is, in the face of difficulty/danger/fear, going above and beyond what the majority of people would do, for a cause that benefits others (I would say selfless, but there are few if any truly selfless acts).

From this point of view, a soldier dying in a war is not a hero. A soldier feeling fear, but still putting his life at risk, above and beyond what is normally expected of soliders, in order to save his fellow soldiers - that is heroic. A person maintaining a calm he does not feel in the face of extreme provocation, and still retaining his wits enough to empathise with the other party and defuse a dangerous situation with mere words - that is heroic - they are above and beyond what normal people would do.

As for self esteem, I personally doubt that feeling heroic builds self esteem. It seems to me that it would bring short term pleasure (nothing wrong with that), without building or revealing the foundation that allows happiness to find its place.

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vikorr wrote:

The problem with using the word hero, or heroic easily, is that it devalues the word, and devalues the deeds of true heroes.

Heroic is, in the face of difficulty/danger/fear, going above and beyond what the majority of people would do,
for a cause that benefits others (I would say selfless, but there are few if any truly selfless acts).

From this point of view, a soldier dying in a war is not a hero. A soldier feeling fear, but still putting his life at risk, above and beyond what is normally expected of soliders, in order to save his fellow soldiers - that is heroic. A person maintaining a calm he does not feel in the face of extreme provocation, and still retaining his wits enough to empathise with the other party and defuse a dangerous situation with mere words - that is heroic - they are above and beyond what normal people would do.

As for self esteem, I personally doubt that feeling heroic builds self esteem. It seems to me that it would bring short term pleasure (nothing wrong with that), without building or revealing the foundation that allows happiness to find its place.

Y " that benefits OTHERS " ??

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Quote:

Y " that benefits OTHERS " ??

I'm not sure that I've ever heard of purely selfish heroism.

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OmSigDAVID wrote:

coberst wrote:
One reason that I posted this was because I wanted to introduce a word
that is so very important to the sciences of psychology and psychoanalysis.

Those r very interesting.

Quote:
Lack of self-esteem is one of the major causes of mental illness.

I doubt that.
I am thinking of a girl whom I allowed to live with me,
to save her from destitution, a few decades ago.
She did not have self esteem,
but I did not find her to be distinctively crazy.

David

This is what the big names in psycholgy tell me. Perhaps you should write a book and put them in their place.

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Lack of self esteem can be a cause of metal illness. Y

es, it MAY. People who lack self esteem think they don't deserve love, the good things in life, or are self-loathing. That can be very self destructive. Most addictions stem from these feeling of low self worth.

One reason that I posted this was because I wanted to introduce a word
that is so very important to the sciences of psychology and psychoanalysis.

Yes, the "hero" concept is very important to these sciences. (Our country certainly lacks current-day heroes and heroines) But be careful of your application. The DEED must be examined and its impact on society to label it heroic.

Keep studying!!

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coberst wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:
coberst wrote:
One reason that I posted this was because I wanted to introduce a word
that is so very important to the sciences of psychology and psychoanalysis.

Those r very interesting.

Quote:
Lack of self-esteem is one of the major causes of mental illness.

I doubt that.
I am thinking of a girl whom I allowed to live with me,
to save her from destitution, a few decades ago.
She did not have self esteem,
but I did not find her to be distinctively crazy.

David

This is what the big names in psycholgy tell me.
Perhaps you should write a book and put them in their place.

I don 't say that as an AUTHORITY in the field.
I say that on the basis of observed counterevidence.

( something about the First Amendment )

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Incidentally, I did not assert that crazy people have hi self esteem.
I affirm that not all folks who have low self esteem are necessarily nuts.

David

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vikorr wrote:

Quote:
Y " that benefits OTHERS " ??

I'm not sure that I've ever heard of purely selfish heroism.

In other words,
u assert that it is DEFINED to apply only to assisting OTHERS ?

Well then, Vik,
what do u call it when someone does the same thing for his OWN benefit ?

David

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Quote:

In other words,
u assert that it is DEFINED to apply only to assisting OTHERS ?

Well then, Vik,
what do u call it when someone does the same thing for his OWN benefit ?

All heroism involves some form of selfishness, in that all such acts benefit the doer in one way or another.

The question I would ask is, can a person be a hero to themselves? It's not something I've ever heard of - people do what they have to do for themselves, and they have a purely self centred motivation to do so - it may be difficult but it does not make a person unusual - it is rather, quite understandable (there are exceptions to this). People doing something for others have to go beyond a purely self centred motivation...and when you life is in danger, or the difficulty is very high, that's a lot more unusual, remarkable even. From my perspective, heroism does involve some act that benefits the lives of others.

The problem with the word 'hero' is that it has started to be used as a political tool (in relation to soldiers who die), and it's being used as to describe sports stars - the word has become diluted.

I prefer people called heroes to be heroes.

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For my part,
I choose not to be a hero for the benefit of strangers.

I 'd not run into any burning buildings to save strangers;
( well, maybe if I see a really good looking chic in there ).

David

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Quote:

For my part,
I choose not to be a hero for the benefit of strangers.

I 'd not run into any burning buildings to save strangers;

Quite okay, not everyone is so inclined, and I wouldn't have thought you so inclined.

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But if you DID run into a burning building to rescue a pretty chick, we would call you a hero.

This is a label that others put on a deed perform by another person. It's a heroic act, therefore, he becomes a hero.

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SULLYFISH66 wrote:

But if you DID run into a burning building to rescue a pretty chick, we would call you a hero.

This is a label that others put on a deed perform by another person.
It's a heroic act, therefore, he becomes a hero.

Well, we 'd all be relieved that she was safe.

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Mom and dad were heroes

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