New member

Hi there, Hakan

Welcome to A2K, and good luck with your studies.

I will link this to the "English" topic category and some others will find it and no doubt answer your questions.

McTag

Welcome to A2K, Hakan. Your essay is off to a good start. The following comments are not exhaustive. I will try to add more commentary when I have time.






This is a run-on sentence. The clause beginning "if he was aware of this risk" is an independent one and should be placed at the beginning of a new sentence.



The underlined portion sounds like an incomplete question. Do you mean "the answer to what a teacher should do, perhaps?



You should write either "The map turned out to be unremarkable" or "The map was unremarkable," but don't try to synthesize the two into "The map turned out was unremarkable..."



In my opinion, the word "literally" should not be used unless the phrase that it modifies could also be used in a non-literal sense, which is not the case here. There is no other way to have tears in one's eyes except literally, so there's no need to specify that their tears were literal.



I like the way this sentence is put together. The only thing I would change is that "room" should be preceded by the definite rather than the indefinite article, since you are presumably not trying to leave doubt about which room the kids were throwing tape in.



When you begin a sentence with a participial phrase, the thing following it must be the grammatical subject. The subject of this participial phrase is presumably you, since you are the one "presenting to a year 8 class," so you need to rewrite the sentence such that "you" immediately follows the phrase. Right now, the thing following the phrase is "they," which makes it sound like "they" is the grammatical subject, which makes it sound like "they" are the ones "presenting to a year 8 class."



I'm not sure what you mean by "stretch" here. Your creativity enables them to stretch what, exactly?



This is a run-on sentence. Everything after "and this has created a relaxed attitude" is an independent clause and should thus be separated into its own sentence.



There's no reason to capitalize "education" in this sentence.



I don't know what you mean by "ogle." Are you perhaps thinking of a different word?

Thanks so much guys you are real lıfe savers.Shapeless your help has been great.I have spent a faır bıt of tıme on thıs my self but my grammar amongst other thıngs lets me down.

I am runnıng out of tıme and your help wıll be of great benefıt.Now that ı have found thıs sıght ı am sure ı can ımprove what ı beleıve are some good ıdeas.

Thanks agaın

Sorry about the last post.It was meant to be a thankyou note.

Playful Alchemy
Hello Shapeless and other writers,

I took on your suggestions and have made some changes.I am at the proofreading stage but am still worried about a few things.

1.The quality of my expression ( Are the tenses the same as it should be in the present,first and active voice,does the piece flow?Are the commas in the right places?


2.Is their any unclear parts and is their a theme that you can see or should i incorporate one? Also do you think the last paragraph fits with the rest of the piece ?Do my thoughts seem clear in my writing ?

3.Does the piece seem in parts to be dishonest,negative or platitudious ?

4.I have also realised that the quality of my sentences is not great do you have any simple ideas on how i could improve them in a short period of time ?


Any help would be greatly appreciated

Thanks,Hakan

PLAYFUL ALCHEMY

Teaching and Learning has so many parts without certain answers. As my experience as an educator grows I do not want to desert my ideas, enthusiasm or questions for the answer. To be a teacher I must be a learner.

Education is difficult, evasive and subjective. Can anything worth knowing really be taught? How do we create profound learning experiences? How do we judge what has been learned? These questions are eternal and make me reluctant to take on the clichéd title of teacher. In a well-known parable, a boy is asked to write an essay on courage. He only writes two words: "This is." If he was aware of the risk of not writing a true essay, then is it a courageous act. I have pondered whether the boy's initiative to tackle this assignment uniquely should be rewarded. Questions are learning's engine, and so the answers and grades should not be the main motivation. Learning is much of the time obscure and illusionary. Therefore, so is my title and answer to the question presented in the parable. Before you lose all hope in me being an educator, you must realize that I am chasing it, but just can't seem to grasp it. At the moment I am comfortable chasing what it means to be a teacher.

In my chase I have realized that learning is so much bigger than what I can plan for. What I conceive as a learning outcome at the beginning of a class, can change if I allow it. During a unit on global warming I gave the students a choice on their final project. One group loved concept map's and predictably made one. The map was unremarkable in content, but its size was distinguishing. As it was about to be presented, it was found ripped in half in what they later called an assassination attempt. Students in the group had tears welling in their eyes. Upset by the student's loss of hope I gave a short speech about how the measure of a man and a team comes through in adversity. Before I had even finished, they were throwing sticky tape across our classroom, giving orders, and planning the restoration of their map. I did little, but get in the way as they needed more room. Presenting to year 8 classes that were not very interested, the group all proudly held a piece of this big map. Afterwards as Billy and I walked back from the theatre, Billy earnestly commented, "that it was the best thing anyone in his class had ever done". What Billy lived I cannot grade. Assessing what he learnt depends on what I value, and not necessarily on what influence the learning experience may have had. My decision to give the groups a choice may have enabled Billy's group to be imaginative, and for their ownership of the project to grow. .Control was then given to them. In charge was their curiosity. I become smaller a guest in their classroom, while they became bigger than anything I could plan for.

The quest to have more real learning experiences enables me to keep walking into the classroom each day. A perfect learning environment is nearly impossible, and this has created a relaxed attitude. It can be done I believe, if I am good enough and this gives me a drive to improve. When conversing with friend's I often ask who their favorite teachers were. Ones that saw something in me, were kind, let me express myself, understood kids, challenged me, or had a fun classroom are the answers I receive. Teachers like this motivate me to become better than I am today.

I want to become better because I respect and like students. Maybe it's because of their innocence, sense of play, or their ideological view of justice, and forgiveness. These are attributes that I regard highly. A colleague of mine who is 6-4 as mean as a snake, and does not have any of these attributes, decided to conduct a bag search. From when he entered the room the class sat frozen from fear except one boy. Mustapha was adamant that it was unjust for his bag to be searched. My colleague was bewildered and I was in awe, because of the passion of his stand. Parent teacher night enabled me to express my admiration for, Mustapha's stand and his father's support of it. Mustapha and his father walked away profoundly hopeful in their values. This to me is more honest and important than any grade, I could have given. I learnt more from Mustapha, than anything my dictator of a colleague had ever taught me. Amongst the many thing's I learnt, he also helped me remember the 12 year old in me. For when the 12 year old in me dies, so will my teaching career.

Hi Hakan

I am going out soon, but will come back to this later.

In the meantime I am sure you realise that, if you ask ten people for editing opinions, you will get ten different answers. You will have to pick and choose, as you find your own voice.

I would add, if you can work out how to post this on the "English" forums, you will stand the chance of getting more replies, and more helpful replies.

McT

Thanks

I have tried to post on the English forum here and will check if it was succesful.Do you mean i should post on other english forums ?

No, simply that it is on a thread entitled "New Members". It could be easily overlooked for that reason.

Some people, who have an interest in the language, take particular note of what comes up on the "English" forum.

(Sorry, my mistake, I see it was actually in the "Original Writing" forum.

Nevertheless, it would probably be more usefully put in the English forum, as suggested.)

And with a more appealing title...