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Thu 20 Dec, 2007 04:38 am
A day has passed, a new path is clear.
Reflecting back I thought no fear.
Lies in trust are redeemed in time.
Scared Am I, I stand in line.
I wait for answers but rushed to leave.
tick tock tick tock time to grieve.
One more spirit has taken my road.
one more spirit to damn this road.
Crumpled and still i lie in wait.
broken and hurt i chose this fate.
-please don't drink and drive-
Garth809
I like this as well.
But just like the other one it needs more description and a better voice.
Also for this one I don't really know if its about drinking and driving.
(Its a bit confusing to me, but maybe not to somebody else.)
I don't know, Leaka. Poetry isn't usually very explicit. Kipling's Gods of the Copy Book Headings comes to mind. I had to get professional help to understand what was going on.
Thank you roger and Leaka for you're input. It was ver much helpful.
As for more desciptive??? i personally believe it is very clear but then again i wrote it lol thanks guys! I am working on a few more and yes leaka I am going to be more desciptive..(typo)
Garth,
I really liked this one.
one suggestion on this line - how about???
One more spirit has taken its toll
That is a good line! Thx SF
Day has passed
New path is clear
Reflecting back
I thought no fear.
Trusting lies
Redeemed in time
Scared Am I
Stand in line.
Wait for answers
Rush to leave
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Time to grieve.
One more spirit
pays the toll.
One more spirit
damns this road.
Crumpled and still
I lie in wait
Broken and hurt
I chose this fate.
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