1
   

an example of my writing....

 
 
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2003 03:36 am
Let me taste your nectar
your sweet enriching nectar
i'll syphon your innocence
and steal your happiness
you knew i wasnt worth it
don't pretend i didn't warn you

i'm feeling empty
with no access but envy
if you let me in
i'll certainly binge
in you, in you
drain your fuel
soon you'll see
i had no choice
this is what it's like to be me
but don't say it was worth the leap
don't act surprised
you foresaw our demise

If I stumble across your path
in a distant time from here
don't you dare stand and stare
with hating eyes and a royal glare
you knew my status
i made it all but clear
but you can take solace in knowing
that i squandered your nectar
for a damp cold cellar
of self destructive behavior
and if you show me the sun again
i'll just sit and grin
you knew i wasn't worth it
don't pretend i didn't warn you







I don't really think of this as poetry.....i just write to write. also i play guitar and sometimes write returning lines kind of like a chorus i guess.....whatever, just tell me what you think. thanks.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 954 • Replies: 6
No top replies

 
Oblivion
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2003 03:41 am
Do you ever wonder why I smile from denial
Have you ever envisioned why I crawl away from inhibitions
Could you even know what lies behind the truth thats told
Well I may not know what it's like to grow old
But my heart was stolen from a dead man's soul
From this malefaction
I was bought and sold

I'm a bastard child
With an illegitimate smile
Trying to stake claim
In a dead man's game





figured i'd put this one up to....sorry to post two in a row but i'm goign through another insomniac phase here....
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2003 01:57 pm
Oblivion, both of your poems are fantastic. ....I especially like the last four lines of the "....smile from denial.." poem. Did you write these for guitar? Were they meant to be sung.

A warm welcome to A2K.
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2003 02:34 pm
Welcome to A2K! The first one has some interesting cadences, and I really like the first stanza. It starts off a bit vampiristic, but ends with what I see as a class struggle....the poor boy trying to woo the rich but troubled female. I agree with Letty, the last stanza of the second poem is fantastic. I also like "crawl away from inhibitions" with it's double meaning: "I'm honest, you are not." Nice work!
0 Replies
 
True Experience
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2003 09:51 pm
Hot sh*t, that's a unique way of saying "i told you so". Good sh*t. Good sh*t.
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2003 08:28 am
Hi, True Experience, and welcome to A2K. I must admit your critique was unique.
0 Replies
 
Oblivion
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Sep, 2003 10:41 pm
Thanks for the replies guys. Made my day Smile .

No, i havent put these to music.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

What inspired you to write...discuss - Discussion by lostnsearching
It floated there..... - Discussion by Letty
Small Voices - Discussion by Endymion
Rockets Red Glare - Discussion by edgarblythe
Short Story: Wilkerson's Tank - Discussion by edgarblythe
The Virtual Storytellers Campfire - Discussion by cavfancier
1st Annual Able2Know Halloween Story Contest - Discussion by realjohnboy
Literary Agents (a resource for writers) - Discussion by Craven de Kere
 
  1. Forums
  2. » an example of my writing....
Copyright © 2025 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.05 seconds on 01/16/2025 at 01:56:26