Hebonics

Well I understood 'Cabaret'....oh wait, that was only SET in Germany....my mistake...

LOL, Cav. You do know that Das Boot wasn't about a shoe, don't you. Kids these days. They don't know from nothing.

These were sent to me- this seemed like thwe place!

Zen Judaism...


Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.



There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?


Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.


Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, war-like nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."


Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.


Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.


If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?


Those who know do not kibbitz. Those who kibbitz do not know.


Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.


The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.


Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.


The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?


Enter into your inner self and behold the eye of the soul. Gaze upon your original face before you were even born. Shocked? Remember, this was before the nose job.


In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or prefer. Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?"


Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.


The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.

:lol

A very, very funny thread, Roberta & all!
I just read it right through & had some of the best laughs I've had in ages. Bravo & more please, if there's anything you haven't said yet!

Enough you haven't heard already? Again I must bump my gums together?

Please, yes! Encore!

For you, Olga, there's more. There's always more. I will now try to recreate an actual conversation I had with my mother about my cousin's birthday. Oy.

Mom: Did you send Howie a card?
Me: No, I'm gonna call him.
Mom: I don't have to call him. I sent him a card.
Me: I'm not good with cards. I'll call him.
Mom: You just throw your money away.
Me: Huh?
Mom: A long-distance call.
Me: Ma, he's in the mountains, not China. The call is cheaper than a card and postage.
Mom: You think so?
Me: It doesn't matter. I'm gonna call him.
Mom: Well, when you talk to him, send him my regards.
Me: Okay, if I remember.
Mom: How could you not remember. Aren't you gonna call him after we hang up?
Me: Yeah, but he might not be there. So I'll have to call him again later. By then I may forget.
Mom: I don't see how you can forget.
Me: Okay, I won't forget.
Mom: Well, now I think you're gonna forget.
Me: I won't forget.
Mom: If you remember, give me one ring on the phone after you talk to him.
Me: Huh?
Mom: So that I know you remembered to send my regards.
Me: Are you serious?
Mom: What, it's too much trouble to give me one ring?
Me: No. It just seems kinda silly.
Mom: Well do it anyway.
Me: If I reach him and if I remember to send your regards, I'll give you one ring on the phone so that you know I reached him and remembered to send your regards.
Mom: Good.

(We hang up. I call my cousin. I reach him. I wish him a happy birthday from me. I remember to send him regards from my mother. I hang up. Then I give my mother one ring on the phone. A few minutes later my phone rings. It's my mother.)

Mom: Was that you?
Me: Uh huh.
Mom: Did you reach Howie?
Me: Uh huh.
Mom: Did you send him my regards?
Me: Uh huh.
Mom: I just got off the phone with him.
Me: With who?
Mom: Howie.
Me: (Sigh) uh huh.
Mom: I thought I'd give him a call.
Me: I gotta go.

Ah, Roberta, I love it!! <loud clapping>
Thank you for keeping me amused for this whole, wonderful thread!

I'm glad you're smiling.

Oh, me too, Roberta!
And You?

Smiling? After this you expect her to be smiling? After this she has a headache!

A headache, nothing. My eyeballs were spinning around in my head like cherries in a slot machine. BTW, Debbele, thanks for posting the Jewish Zen thing. I saw it, but it never occurred to me to post it here, which is the perfect place for it. Let's face it, with a mother like mine, I have a few other issues to deal with than remembering to post fakakta Jewish Zen stuff.

I'd love to stay and schmooze, but I have to get some sleep. Remembering that story tuckered me out but good. Oy.

Oy, Boidy the night owl. Going to sleep at daybreak and getting up in the late afternoon! What's a mother to do?
Rest well, dallink, anc come back this evening for more kvetching and fond (and not so fond) memories.
A joke I heard recently:
Several old Jews were sitting on the park bench. One said, "oy." The next said, "oy." The third said oy veh." The forth said, "I thought we promised not to talk about our kids."

This thread is a classic. I've spent a good part of Sunday morning reading all the way through and laughing out loud most of the time. Boidy, your wit and wisdom keep reminding me why you're my favorite goil from da Bronx.

So, you couldn't be bothered to PM me earlier about this thread??? You have no time for your friends who have moved to Denver? So we're not good enough for you New Yorkers? Oy, for this I break my heart? What am I, chopped liver?

Oy, Boidy the night owl. Going to sleep at daybreak and getting up in the late afternoon! What's a mother to do?
Rest well, dallink, anc come back this evening for more kvetching and fond (and not so fond) memories.
A joke I heard recently:
Several old Jews were sitting on the park bench. One said, "oy." The next said, "oy." The third said oy veh." The forth said, "I thought we promised not to talk about our kids."

This thread is a classic. I've spent a good part of Sunday morning reading all the way through and laughing out loud most of the time. Boidy, your wit and wisdom keep reminding me why you're my favorite goil from da Bronx.

So, you couldn't be bothered to PM me earlier about this thread??? You have no time for your friends who have moved to Denver? So we're not good enough for you New Yorkers? Oy, for this I break my heart? What am I, chopped liver?

That Zen Judaism is priceless, Deb. I've already copied it and sent it off to some friends who don't A2K. I know, I know. Such friends I keep! Oy!

Oy veh!

Oy veh? Now you're telling us you have children?

Diane, What? It's my fault you don't check around? You don't explore? You're too busy moving to exotic places. They got electricity there, boobie? Running water? I don't know what to with you. You're living in the middle of nowhere. So I finally sent a message. How long should a person wait?

Ok, OK, so I live in a part of the U.S. that looks all empty on the map. Oy, all I got to look at is the Rocky Mountains. Rocky, schmocky, you seen one mountain you seen them all. The waves roll in, the waves roll out, as your dear, martyred mother says so eloquently.

These people don't know from running water and electricity. They know from foot ball and beer. And lox? Lox? Salmon they know from slalom, oy.

So how many times do I have to invite you? We aren't good enough for you fancy schmancy Noo Yahker? The grief, I tell you--you should know from the grief I get!