You could wish for potatoes? Wishing for potatoes we could only dream about!
Lucky for you, you had dreams....and wishes....we didn't know from wishes and dreams. God forbid we should wish, or dream! What with all this wishing and dreaming....you should be married by now....
Marriage I have never wished for!
Spending my life with someone I never speak to any more I should wish for?
Jewish mother: "Oy...always with the trauma....don't you remember that doctor we introduced you to in high school? Okay...he wasn't a doctor then, but worse you could have done, and did."
<Hiya, this is Steve Irwin. Here we see the Jewish mother in her natural habitat....a right predator, she is, and with those capri pants, a right Sheila too! Don't be fooled, she's a fiesty one, and guilt is her weapon....as poisonous as the venom of the Taipan! We must approach carefully...we don't want to upset her....in order to prevent the least amount of harm to the Jewish mother, we must not try to annoy her, although that is her natural instinct, to be annoyed...we have here a gift certificate to a really really nice spa, and that oughtta do it mate! C'mon boys!>
No respect you have! Oy veh! For this I laboured for three days and nights, that you should speak to me like that?
Oy, now labour you talk? With those ears? Don't talk labour to me...28 hours it was, with those ears...and you talk to me about respect? Ooohhh...I feel my condition coming on....get me a pill...
Not the ones from Dr. Schwartz, the other ones....
No, not the PILLS from Dr. Schwartz...the other ones...what, those ears that caused me so much pain in labour are deaf now? Auugh, please...I need a pill...the least it is you can do....all that labour...oy, the pain! Don't give me that attitude, it doesn't matter how old you are...the pain of your birth still gets me all farblungit....(sic)
Pain you think you had with ears? Backwards you insisted on coming! A big heinie you had even then! Oy veh! The agony!
Heh heh....I am all Heboniced out now...perhaps tomorrow.
It was Philip Roth, I believe, who commented that a Jewish man, as long as his parents are alive, will always be 9-years-old.
Come to think of it, it might have been Portnoy who said that...
D'artagnan reminds me...put 'kill my parents' on the 'to do' list
You mean you left that off, cav?
Heh heh....too involved seeking out the finest smoked salmon....and reinventing gefilte fish.
As if fate stepped in...joke from the wife:
Sadie and Yetta, two widows were talking:
Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkelman asked me out for a date. I know
you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you before I
give him an answer."
Yetta: "Vell---I tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock.And like a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car...a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out to dinner...Marvelous dinner. Lobster even."
"Den ve go to a show...let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much. I
could just die from the pleasure! So then we are coming back to my
apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely CRAZY, he TEARS off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times."
Sadie: "Oy vey.. so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him."
Yetta: "No...I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
Oy, I'm gone for a while and what happens. Pandemonium. Jokes. Your mothers are a joke? This is the thanks she gets. A shanda.
True story: My parents met me for lunch in midtown Manhattan. I treated. After lunch we were schmoozing in the garden behind my office building. My mother and I got into a bit of a debate. Nothing unusual. I said, "Jeez, Ma, I'm just trying to be nice." She said, "Don't be nice. Just be yourself."
True story: My first business trip was a short hop to Pittsburgh. I told my parents about the trip. My mother said, "Pittsboigh? Can't they send ya some place you can go by subway?"
True story: I took my parents to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I headed immediately to the Rembrandts. After gazing for a very short while, my mother said, "I'm not interested in looking at pictures of people I don't know."
I could go on.
