And now a poorly-scanned poem. I was going for a similar effect to when, in 1912, Isabella Stewart Gardner caused a sensation at the opera by wearing a head band that said "Oh, You Red Sox":
Your Starting Lineup
Jacoby Ellsbury -- give that man more than a cookie
He caused such a spark
at old Fenway Park
and the guy's not even a rookie
Dustin Pedroia -- just get that kid on base!
And buy another beer
for the shoo-in Rookie of the Year
Just don't ask him to make a face.
Big Papi has the most infectious grin
with a swing and a smile
as wide as a country mile
he'll do anything to win.
It's Manny being Manny, I know.
Playing hits off the monster wall
well -- everything he does is off the wall
He's definitely not your average Joe.
Mike Lowell could really use a comb
I'm not dissing his grooming --
the guy's only human!
But his eyebrows are the first part to come home
Three cheers for Jason -- he's our Captain 'Tek
a pitcher's best friend,
true Red Sox man to the end
we love him a bushel and a peck
Julio Lugo runs like he was on wheels
in the shortstop position
and by his own admission,
he's guilty of quite a few steals
JD Drew -- his name makes a good rhyme
it was a tough season
but for the best reason
he stepped up at just the right time
Youk had an inside the park home run
He's a little faster than Dusty
his skills are never rusty
he always looks like he's having fun
Your Starting Pitching
Josh Beckett -- the ultimate go-to guy
I bet he's the winner
(or I'll buy you all dinner)
of an award named for a man named Cy
Thank you for everything, Curt Schilling
More than a bloody sock,
frankly, sir, you rock!
Please come back; I hope management's willing
Was it culture shock for Dice-K this year?
He learned English, Spanish and French
from the guys on the bench
will translating be his next career?
Jon Lester -- give that man a cheer
He's got well-deserved fame
He won the last game!
What a difference for him, from last year.
Tim Wakefield's fooled them all
It dips, dives and dances
It spins, curves and prances
Why, it's his much-feared knuckleball!
Buchholtz -- the phenom named Clay
So far he's undefeated
will his feat be repeated?
A no-hitter on the first September day
Your Relief Pitching, AKA The Bullpen Band
Mike Timlin's still got pitching chops
They'll go over big
at his off-season gig:
Conductor of the Boston Pops
Okajima was never a quitter
his shy smile and grace
brought joy to this place
except for every opposing hitter
Papelbon dances for the Fenway faithful mob
He makes us all smile
Yet we ask all the while,
"Jonathan, please don't quit your day job."
Julian Tavarez pitched long relief
baled us out when things got hairy
his ERA can be scary
that is my fervent belief
Javiez Lopez throws from the side
he pitches an inning
whether we're losing or winning
he's part of the championship ride
Manny D., a favorite son of the state
Of our team he's a part
the guy is all heart
a strikeout is most hitters' fate
Eric Gagné didn't have much luck
it wasn't a great fit
can't put my finger on it
but he's still on a championship DUKW (duck)
Kason Gabbard has gone over there
we wish him well in his career
but since he was here this year
I bet they will vote him a share
Your bench players, at the ready
Bobby Kielty with one swing of the bat
made our boys champions again
I'd rate that at-bat a "ten"
You, sir, get a tip of the hat
Coco Crisp is a talent we're happy to tap
with a fine command of center
he's Jacoby Ellsbury's mentor
How does he keep all that hair under his cap?
Doug Mirabelli's a friend you should make
he's part of our history
'cause he solved the mystery
of catching the knuckleball from Wake
Eric Hinske, just watch him in the field
a catch in midair
and errors are rare
with line drives he just won't yield
Alex Cora is such a classy guy
what a great thing he did!
Gave his spot to the kid --
he didn't even bat an eye
Royce Clayton has finally got his ring,
the cap to his career
so glad he did it hear
man, don't that just beat everything?
Kevin Cash, give that man a hug
a place we will make
for anyone who can catch Wake
he filled in for poor injured Doug
The roster's got Brandon Moss, Craig Breslow, Craig Hansen
Dusty Brown, Bryan Corey, Devern Hansack, Brendan Donnelly
Edgar Martinez, George Kottaras, Jay Marshall, David Pauley
and don't forget Matt Clement, Kyle Snyder, Kyle Jackson
Your management and coaching staff
Tom, John and Larry never seem to rest
we all know their names
'cause they take in most games
our owners are truly the best
About Theo Epstein nothing is moot
for talent he has an eye
in our hears he ranks high
even when he's wearing a gorilla suit
What can be said for Terry Francona?
While other coaches are a mess
when dealing with the press --
like running with the bulls at Pamplona
... and the rest ...
There's much love for Fenway Park
whether a loss or a win
you'll leave the game with a grin
even navigating Kenmore Square after dark
The last but not the least, the tenth or eleventh man
Our affectionate demonstration
makes us part of a nation
It's me and you, the Red Sox fan