A "Hints for Happier Living" Digression.

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Here are some hints I have needed in the last few days:

Hint No 1:

Never forget you drank beetroot juice the night before when going to the loo in the morning.

Shocked

Hint No 2:

Never confuse restaurants and films favoured, or complained about, by one fella when you are out with a different fella. Especially twice in one night.

Confused

Come on, we all need an easier life....share your hard earned wisdom, or just bve silly.

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When attending a social event, do not at the last moment, standing on the doorstep, finger poised above the doorbell, turn to your date/spouse/significant other and say, "Oh, before I forget -- don't mention "x" or you'll upset so-and-so".

Invariably, so-and-so will buttonhole your date/spouse/s.o. and casting wildly around for some topic of conversation he/she will find "so-and-so" and "x" stored side-by-side in their short term memory bank with predictable results.

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In fact, never say don't do anything!

I believe it programs our subconsciences, as you animadvert to so soothly.

I recall a time when a gang of us were to spend some time at the home of a friend's fiercely catholic mother.

Don't...said poor Richard fatally...say "Jesus Christ!"...you can say "****" or "****" or damn" or "Bugger me"...just don't say Jesus!

The results were predictable. I, alone, who had never, until that moment, ever THOUGHT to swear thusly, (no interest) scored at least 14 hits or near (and obvious) misses.

The rest of us did a little better, but not much.

I STILL say Jesus Christ when perturbed.

That and other stuff.

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Always promise yourself
with a pinky-swear
that this will
absolutely
positively
be the very last time
that you are going to get
white-blind
knee-walking
drunk
at that dive you call your home away from home
and end up
waking up
naked
on a smelly queen sized mattress
in that other den of iniquity
The Whatever It's Called Motel and Spa
next to
an equally naked
skinny little woman
with a face like a squirrel
and a laugh that drives you crazy.

Joe(pinky swear)Nation

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Joe Nation wrote:

Always promise yourself
with a pinky-swear
that this will
absolutely
positively
be the very last time
that you are going to get
white-blind
knee-walking
drunk
at that dive you call your home away from home
and end up
waking up
naked
on a smelly queen sized mattress
in that other den of iniquity
The Whatever It's Called Motel and Spa
next to
an equally naked
skinny little woman
with a face like a squirrel
and a laugh that drives you crazy.

Joe(pinky swear)Nation

Well, if you sleep with a person with a face like a squirrel, of course their laugh will drive you crazy.

Personally, it's the nuts in the little cheek pouches that always get to me with the squirrel folk.

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If you loan somebody money and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

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Never ever worry about face when a man talks to you as if they are confiding in someone about you.

"Your boobs are big" is an example. Don't hold it in. Go with your gut on this one.

Otherwise you might end up saying or doing something horribly rude.

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kickycan wrote:

If you loan somebody money and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

Amen, sibling.

mushypancakes wrote:

Never ever worry about face when a man talks to you as if they are confiding in someone about you.

"Your boobs are big" is an example. Don't hold it in. Go with your gut on this one.

Otherwise you might end up saying or doing something horribly rude.

I could a tale unfold........and might, later............but I am going out now.

It's a story for women only.

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Bookmarking & thinking about what pearls I can share here.

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It is not a good idea to tell your current partner or spouse that you had a dream about a former one.

No. It's not.

Joe(And forget about telling her the one that was about her mom.)Nation

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Oh absolutely! Excellent advice!

..... & never, ever utter the truth when someone asks "Does my bum look big in this ...?"

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And never go to bed on an argument...

Keep it going all night long (allnight - bit of Lionel)

x

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Two from recent experience.

1) Never tell your wife that, in your heart of hearts, or loin of loins, as 'twere, you are a bit of a "chubby chaser." No matter how you mean it or what it's in reference to, it will be taken poorly.

2) When introduced to new people -- particularly those who might have children -- do not tell them that you prefer to go by your last name because you hate your first name. They might have given their own child the same name. Note: this may happen twice in one month.

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msolga wrote:

Bookmarking & thinking about what pearls I can share here.

Poils! We demand poils!

Joe Nation wrote:

It is not a good idea to tell your current partner or spouse that you had a dream about a former one.

No. It's not.

Joe(And forget about telling her the one that was about her mom.)Nation

Forget about telling ANYONE the one that was about her mum!!!!

msolga wrote:

Oh absolutely! Excellent advice!

..... & never, ever utter the truth when someone asks "Does my bum look big in this ...?"

Or...for men.....does my willy look small in this...

smorgs wrote:

And never go to bed on an argument...

Keep it going all night long (allnight - bit of Lionel)

x

Arguments can kind of end up...er....ummm......hot in bed.

patiodog wrote:

Two from recent experience.

1) Never tell your wife that, in your heart of hearts, or loin of loins, as 'twere, you are a bit of a "chubby chaser." No matter how you mean it or what it's in reference to, it will be taken poorly.

2) When introduced to new people -- particularly those who might have children -- do not tell them that you prefer to go by your last name because you hate your first name. They might have given their own child the same name. Note: this may happen twice in one month.

Oh DEEEEAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Patio)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That's the same as the never, ever, assume that huge lump is a pregnancy, unless you can actually see the baby crowning.....

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That's very graphic, deb.

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dlowan wrote:

msolga wrote:
Oh absolutely! Excellent advice!

..... & never, ever utter the truth when someone asks "Does my bum look big in this ...?"

Or...for men.....does my willy look small in this...

... but men never ask such things ...

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No matter how beautiful and inviting, always remember the ocean has sharks and use that to weigh whether or not the conch is worth retrieving.

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msolga wrote:

dlowan wrote:
msolga wrote:
Oh absolutely! Excellent advice!

..... & never, ever utter the truth when someone asks "Does my bum look big in this ...?"

Or...for men.....does my willy look small in this...

... but men never ask such things ...

They THINK the question, though.

squinney wrote:

No matter how beautiful and inviting, always remember the ocean has sharks and use that to weigh whether or not the conch is worth retrieving.

That's...like...deep, beagle woman.

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Yes. And wide.

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squinney wrote:

Yes. And wide.

We speak here of the conch, the sharks, the ocean, or the words of the beagle woman?

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A "Hints for Happier Living" Digression.

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