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Want to try triolets? (ABaAabAB)

 
 
Post: # 170,371
View Profile littlek
 
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 08:25 am
tri.o.let: a poem or stanza of eight lines in which the first line is repeated at the fourth and seventh and the second line as the eight with a rhyme scheme of ABaAabAB.

The trick to writing a good triolet is to arrange that the repeated lines take on slightly different roles, semantically or even syntactically, in their various positions.

How To Triolet

Example:

Butchered
by John Thele

Virtual memory is like a knife sharpened carefully;
The programmer like the sculptor in search of perfection.
Each whittles ardently, for a stray cut spells catastrophe.

Virtual memory is like a knife sharpened carefully;
The operating system like the butcher serving many.
Each chops quickly, their concern not for optimization.

Virtual memory is like a knife sharpened carefully;
The programmer like the sculptor, in search of perfection.
 
Post: # 170,386
View Profile littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 08:33 am
How cute my little dog!
Squeaky rubber toy in her mouth
Awaken from sleeping like a log!
How cute! My little dog
Both her face and butt looking South
Standing as round as a cog
How cute, my little dog
Squeaky! Rubber toy in her mouth.
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,416
View Profile patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 08:49 am
The morning has come, and I dread
Approaching the day's worthless task
With feet the weight and color of lead.

The morning has come, and I dread
Where my time spent will have led.
I'll mumble answers to whatever you ask.

The morning has come and I dread
Living like this from womb to cask --

et.





(Ack! You said something about a butcher?)
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,425
View Profile sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 08:56 am
Ooh, nice ones! Let me think.

(patiodog I think your last line has to be "approaching the day's worthless task." Cheery, that.)
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Post: # 170,429
View Profile patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 08:58 am
Ah, so't should be!
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Post: # 170,461
View Profile littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:15 am
It's snowing AGAIN!?!?!
What happened to spring?!?
Fluffy and cold - poor little wren.
It's snowing.... again.
It's hard to remember when
spring did winter bring
It's snowing again,
what happened to spring?
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Post: # 170,464
View Profile sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:18 am
Good one!!
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,465
View Profile littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:18 am
Thanks!
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,469
View Profile jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:19 am
Travel arrangements made this morning
Family gathers but clouds are above
The purpose, it came without warning

Travel arrangements made this morning
time to share nothing but love
New day, new needs are a-borning

Travel arrangements made this morning
Family gathers but clouds are above
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Post: # 170,471
View Profile patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:20 am
(clap clap, etc.)
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,484
View Profile littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:28 am
Beautiful Jes. Lovely Pdog!
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Post: # 170,524
View Profile jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 09:43 am
Thank you. Now for something lighter.

French fries, french bread and french cheese
Fois gras and imported Champagne
Do not, these days, the Congress please

French fries, french bread and french cheese
Might make their consituents sneeze
and real legislation is always a pain

French fries, french bread and french cheese
Fois gras and imported Champagne

PS This format requires a lot of thought but it's fascinating.
0 Replies
 
Post: # 170,689
View Profile littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Apr, 2003 11:10 am
like a puzzle - I like it!
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,004
View Profile sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 09:49 am
O my love, tell me about me
I remember everything about you,
From satyr's smile to long pale feet.

O my love, tell me about me
I basked in your gaze like a cat in a sunbeam
And as I sculpted, saw you bask too.

O, my love, tell me about me
I remember everything... about you.
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,063
View Profile jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 10:13 am
Beautiful, soz!

What is this voice that I hear?
The shouts were loud, and now they subside
and a whispering tickles my ear

What is this voice that I hear?
the words have stopped being clear
it seems that this voice may have lied

What is this voice that I hear?
The shouts were loud, and now they subside
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,087
View Profile Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 10:29 am
These are all so good. Are you writing them on the spot, or do you have triolets in the can, so to speak? Either way, I'm impressed!
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,106
View Profile patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 10:41 am
On my shelf I keep a tin
-- A coffee can, dusty smelling --
And I use it to keep my childhood in

On my shelf I keep a tin
With a yo-yo, a hat pin
And a plastic cone for yelling.

On my shelf I keep a tin
With poems, dusty-smelling.



(ack!)
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,110
View Profile ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 10:43 am
whooooohooo

i'll be back to try this out!
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,127
View Profile jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 10:55 am
Never even heard of a triolet before yesterday. 'Course patiodog has a whole can of 'em. :wink:
0 Replies
 
Post: # 172,143
View Profile sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Apr, 2003 11:01 am
D'art, I wrote that one right on the screen. (After stalling forever on the 6th line -- still not happy with it.) "Tell me about me/ I remember everything about you" occurred to me last night, then thought I'd try to make a triolet out of it. (Spent every spare moment of my senior year with my "best friend" -- we were hopelessly in love with each other, of course, but we wouldn't admit it until much later. He's the one who knew me best during that time and I find that I'm curious about what I was like -- I've forgotten a lot, and don't have any siblings to remind me of that kind of thing.)
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