People are saying anxiety isn't a real issue and I'm doubting myself

Your mother is incorrect, but I'm not an expert in how you could handle this. Other posters will be along.

Well, she's wrong.

But that doesn't help you right now.

If you can't go to a doctor, then try a trusted adult or even a member of the clergy.

Both of those are very real things. I comend you for even thinking you should see a doctor about it. Do you need to have your mom with you to see the doctor? If not then it is not her concern. Your health is one you have to take some role in. Talk with a doctor. After that you can decide if you want to tell your mother about it or not. She may never be able to understand what kind of problem it is to have. Don't expect her to. No one but you and your doctor ever have to know what is going on. Keep that in mind.

Anxiety and depression effect lots of people on a daily basis. Getting help with it tends to improve the quality of life as well as how long that life is.

I just realized that you are the poster who has anxiety re last year at university - and that means, I do hope, that whatever the university is has student health services and has a counseling service for students.

I'm another person who - a very long time ago - didn't go for counseling ..... because I was too damned busy and if not busy, on the bus between jobs. I should have gone, in retrospect (at the least, I would have learned that my love of science wasn't balanced by my brain function, and that I should have moved over to other stuff I liked, art, for example.) It all worked out over time, as I'm sort of a science and art person after years passing by, but the rumpus in all the changing of majors plus having jobs, two at once, was stress-city.

So, I'd check student services first.

Sorry, XxSi - I meant that not to you but to the opening poster.

Thanks, I just realised after years of this and being physically sick sometimes that I've had enough and can't go though that anymore. You're right in that I can go to doctors by myself I'm just worried she'll find out or that me making an excuse to go to any appointments would be hard, if you've seen other posts you'll also see I'm really nervous about trying to get help in the first place and I just think it'd be hard bottling it up from someone I'm so close to

Thanks for your help, appreciate you seeing earlier posts, means a lot. It's the excuses I'd have to make to go and see someone at uni or a doctor and I get that seeing someone at uni is easier but I physically wouldn't be able to get through the door to a counselling, I am physically sick when I get too nervous so I don't know how I'd get there I believe that the stronger people get the help but I'm not strong enough to go there
It's a cycle where I'm just stuck with how to sort this at the minute, this anxiety has been constant for 5-6 years now with occasional bad episodes lasting a few weeks, but no one knows that it's like this for me, I see people who say they have anxiety who seem totally fine even when they think you're not looking and it seems awful to say but I just feel like maybe I'm struggling internally more?

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/physician-resources/medical-ethics/code-medical-ethics.page

Your fear of someone finding out points to counseling in itself. I'm not a psychologist, and even if I were I'd not give med advice specifically online.

You can tell I'm american with the one l in counseling.

You are speaking to someone who threw up in a telephone booth at the student health center (I used to have horrendo menstrual cramps). Your self esteem seems to be rocketing around, but it's clear you are an able writer.
Now, to be an able talker...

Go in the door.

your mother makes no sense: both are real and awful to go through, find help and ask your mother to educate herself a little

You have social anxiety. You are fearful of interacting with people. This is not contestable. You need to ask yourself why you have social anxiety? If you already know why, and still haven't been able to help yourself, you need to confide in someone about the way you feel asap. To me it seem like you don't want to help yourself. You are making yourself a victim by not taking the steps that you know you need. It is obvious you feel bad about yourself, but in spite of that, it makes you even sicker to think about the things you will need to do to get out of the rut you are in. That is the real problem, at least at this point in time.

You couldn't even tell your mom what you're going through. And btw, you should talk to her again. You didn't make a genuine attempt to reach out to her. You cannot expect her to feel the same way towards you as she would an arbitrary person you concocted. She does not care about that random child. She cares, I presume, about you. She does not want you to be weak. She does not want you to fail. Give her something to work with. You don't need to tell her you have social anxiety. Tell her you lack confidence because blah blah blah, or that you can't concentrate because blah blah blah, or that you hate that you are this, this, and this. You need to give her a chance before you convince yourself she can't help you.

Lastly, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you suffer from social anxiety because you have self-esteem issues. And I know you won't take this to heart right now, but all the inadequacy you're feeling is made up. It's in your mind. You come to negative conclusions about yourself based on insignificant things like a person not sitting next to you on the bus.



What does this mean? If someone knew you had anxiety and watched you when you weren't aware, do you think they'd think you're a shattered mess?

It doesn't matter if you're struggling more than other people. All that matters is you're struggling. Do not compare yourself to others. The constant comparing is a reason why you have social anxiety.

http://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1

I found this website where you can anonymously chat with a psychologist about your mental health issues. I don't really know how great it is because I haven't used it, but it couldn't hurt. I saw some promising reviews online.

Before you can help yourself, you have to want to help yourself. I don't think you're there yet. So, for now, you need to think of how you can get there. I've listened to a lot of girls talk about their problems because I used to volunteer at a center dedicated to women's health. I just want you to know that what you're feeling is very common.

Thanks for your help.
I agree with what you're saying although I didn't make it clear that I have mentioned this to my mum countless times before and have been specific enough in saying I need to go to the doctors if I keep being sick on a morning and have been to the doctors before but because there was physically nothing wrong they said that it's me making myself be sick so couldn't give anti sickness tablets.
And by the other people but I meant that I hear other people saying they have anxiety disorders because they say they get nervous before important events whereas I just meant that I am sick/bad stomach for the most stupid of things even if it's a positive thing like going out for a meal, I completely agree with it sounding selfish that I'm worse than them I think it's because I try so had to be sick quietly or tell them to go out by themselves if I've heard them imply that I'll spoil the night.
I do want to help myself it's just been so long and all the stigma just makes me not know where to start, I agree that it looks like I don't want to help myself and I think a tiny part of that is hearing others talk about their anxiety and making me feel that any available help should go to them
Really appreciate your reply though

What other people are saying does not matter. It's only about how you are feeling.

I'll let you in on a secret. The words that are properly used to describe true emotional and mental issues have been coopted by the general public. They are often, in common, ordinary parlance, used incorrectly.

Anxiety is a very real problem, yet people use it to describe their minor nerves before taking a big test. People say phobia when they use it to describe a mild fear of being in an earthquake when they live nowhere near a fault zone. Yet both anxiety and phobia are conditions which for some people can keep them from getting out of bed in the morning.

The general public is merely misusing those words. It's semantics. Don't get hung up on them.

Have you ever seen a horse wearing blinders? It's so he or she can't see stuff on the sides and just concentrates on wherever the driver (usually this is a horse pulling a cart, and not one wearing a saddle) wants to go.

So put on some imaginary blinders of your own, and stop considering others' misuse of these terms. It's not an issue for them? So what. It's an issue for you. Period, full stop.

Can I ask what your background is? Ethnic? Religious?

I'm white brittish, non religious if that's what you mean

Okay. I probably shouldn't make assumptions based on an ethnic or religious label anyway, so I'm going to suggest you start keeping track of your feelings and your behaviors in response to those feelings. To start, make a list of all the things that cause you anxiety, and then rank them based on the level of anxiety you feel. These things should be different from the root causes of your anxiety (e.g. physical abuse, bullying) which could have been planted a long time ago. Instead, they should be things like walking in crowds, talking to strangers, talking to a person you know, or making eye contact with someone. Think of everything that makes you anxious. Then, make a list of the things you do as a result of these things. When you walk in a crowd, do you stand keep your head up? Is your back straight? Do you make eye contact? Do you smile? When you talk to someone, do you twist your fingers? Do you have difficulty thinking of what to say? Do you censor yourself? Do you avoid the things that cause you anxiety by not going to class, work, or extracurriculars?

To summarize: First write what makes you anxious. Then write how you respond to what makes you anxious.

Your responses to your anxieties are your way of protecting yourself from perceived social ridicule. In reality, however, they are what actually make you awkward.

Focus on fixing those responses one by one.

If you try to get out of things that cause you anxiety by saying that you are sick, ask yourself what you can do to stop doing that. Look in the mirror every morning and repeat an empowering mantra. Give yourself power. Don't take it away.

Have you talked to your family doctor about this? when was your last physical check-up?

Thanks, I'll try that
I never not do things because of anxiety I'm just worried that at some point I will, I always have doubts about doing something in case I spoil everyone else's time or whatever but I do always do the thing

No I haven't, that's a worry I've mentioned on another post which doesn't help
I'm from the UK and so only go to a doctor when needed, for me the last time I went was 10 months ago to get a repeat prescription check up so I probably won't be scheduled to go again for at least another 6 months