Whatever the feeling was DONT stifle it. There are too few men who can be in touch with that feeling and communicate it.
What do you think Matt's reaction would be if he knew you were touching his hair while he was asleep? Have you read the Catcher in the Rye?
I have, agrote, and you have a very valid point. Honestly, I have no idea how he would react, and in the future it probably wouldn't be wise to do those sorts of things without his knowledge.
I really don't see any difference in your feelings toward Matt or Sarah, except that you saw only one of them as a possible potential sexual partner. Otherwise, you seemed to enjoy being with both of them, and you were attracted to both.
Extremely true, firefly. Very true. The only other difference I can see is one that I think is imposed entirely by society. I was much more possesive of Sarah - my desire for the feeling to be mutual was much greater, and I didn't want anyone else to like her the way I did. With Matt, on the other hand, I didn't care nearly as much. He has a girlfriend, but since society doesn't demand that she and I jockey for position I don't resent her at all. Otherwise, I agree that the two were quite simular.
Interesting exploration you are doing, lordregent.
I think in us/american culture that feelings of affection are more acceptable by far for women to women, and that there is a bit of confusion re women to men when sexual attraction isn't the prime ingredient, and I observe - but not being a man am not sure - that feelings of affection between men are often closed down, or truncated, for societal reasons.
I also think that there is some chemistry of attraction going on for everybody, outside of sexual connotations, though they may be low level sexual connections. I think there are some kind of comfort points that we notice. Much attraction can be from early images, visual cues, smells, sounds, various associations, all the way up to appreciation for intellect and response to a person's affect or personality.
I have long heard about pheromones and wonder if they work on me.. I have close to no sense of smell. I guess I don't want to know if they don't, it would make me feel isolated.
Past this general chemistry, for lack of a better word, that I think goes on between humans, I think individual humans trip across a quite complex expanse of sexual desires; that is I don't think things are as cut and dried as everyone seems to think, either behaviorally or biochemically. But that is a bit of a tangent.
I feel that I am way on the side of range of heterosexual woman. I am sixty two, have had a lot of experience being and observing, and only remember being attracted to a woman once, as in past just noticing. And it was odd in that it also wasn't sexual that I could figure out, and I did question myself. It was that I couldn't stop taking a look at her. She was what I might call androgenous in affect, a young woman across the room in a drawing class. Perhaps I was just fascinated by the edge I thought she lived at. Or what? I had none of the clues you are talking about, such as personality, etc. It startled me. That must have been just the first class and she never returned so I never got to know her as we usually do in small classes, whether she would have retained that mysterious interest to me.
So this is slightly off of your situation, in that my attraction to staring at her had nothing to do with affection for the real person. It also wasn't like my driving attractions to certain men, no total body revitalization, even at a beginning stage. Blank on that. But, it was memorable enough that I can retell it now a few decades later, a story about a three hour class where I had to make an effort to stop staring at someone.
Reminds me though, just now, of Visconti's movie of the Thomas Mann book, Death in Venice. That was clearly a homosexual attraction, finely told.
I like your story. It is my opinion that you should not try to label the feeling which you described. It is your unique feeling. With so very many terrible feelings to be felt I am jealous of you for being able feel such a wonderful feeling as the one you described.
Lordregent52 wrote:Extremely true, firefly. Very true. The only other difference I can see is one that I think is imposed entirely by society. I was much more possesive of Sarah - my desire for the feeling to be mutual was much greater, and I didn't want anyone else to like her the way I did. With Matt, on the other hand, I didn't care nearly as much. He has a girlfriend, but since society doesn't demand that she and I jockey for position I don't resent her at all. Otherwise, I agree that the two were quite simular.
Do you really think that's a societal thing? I'd have thought it would be evolutionary, since animals do that all the time, fight over women. Isn't it so that whoever has the genes best equipped for survival (whoever is more aggressive) gets the girl?
Panzade said it... few men are in touch with that feeling, and I've felt it too... sometimes with a little sexual attraction, others with none towards men and women...
It mostly comes from beigns who I figure out as interesting and smart and I get drawn in... it's different with someone who I look and think "it would be nice to be his lover/boyfriend" with this kind of affection it's more "it'd be nice to be his friend"
anyways.. I'd say don't ignore it, if you feel he can handle it, tell him and make a pass at Sarah
