I've always wanted to die for long before my memory would falter. As far back as middle school I was always intrigued with dying and the peace of nothingness. Of course all my doctors tried their best, but it only got worse with time. It reached it's worse 5 years ago, and even worse in 2020. It didn't help that alexander (i.e iamalexmark) would tell me to kill myself. But as a caged, abnormal slug and avoidable rut, he was right. Dare I relive the trauma of that year again? I don't want too, honestly.
I've been on so many meds I've lost count, I've been over prescribed to where it needed to be cut back because of overdosing. I've been in and out the ward over half my life; the longest was 3 years. When I finally got out I was even worse, a lot of abuse went on in there, worse in the longest, not a stranger to the previous.
I do have mental illness
Bipolar
BPD
DiD
Schizophrenia
Schizoaffective
i don't anything but to die.
A lot of my therapists would give up on me after 3-5 months, this is no surprise; i want nothing more than to die from life's hellish prison, since its stage would be my former home.
No, both and the hotlines never did anything; decade to presently.
I'm here and I still want to die, but I'm in a lot more pain, a lot more from the result of bad side effects from the numerous meds i'd take every day; only to still cut, sometimes burn and strangle. I've tried all the conventional, of course none of those worked. I at least wanted a peaceful exit as peaceful as it get, so I found about Sodium Nitrite; the most peaceful.
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 07:10 am - at least it prevented me from being hurt growing up.
of course it changed when i decided to listen to others and met others.
hence 2020 happened, and the pains been ever since.
but my pain goes... (view)
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 06:49 am - I was a game dev years ago, see? Yes I actually did try, so no one can say I didn't before now.
In my game I cared about it itself, the quality of it, a burning passion, but the reality... (view)
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 06:45 am - And what do you say to those who DON'T HAVE ANYONE in their life, like me, who grew up in foster care and tossed around families as they see you as profit?
At my age now, I have nobody, who... (view)
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 06:41 am - Because they are narcissistic psychopaths who thrive off power and control—hence, no volition, no autonomy. They want control of another, typically the most vulnerable. I've been one,... (view)
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 06:37 am - Overdosing is unreliable. I know, I used to always do it.
There's sodium nitrite (my own method), or Exit bag (i can't do this because the equipment is too much. (view)
Wed 9 Aug, 2023 06:31 am - I have. over the past seven years.
Did everything you're about to inevitable say to me as par typical.
I talk the ear off my therapists (still current) and that "hotline" number.... (view)
