Something I picked up along the way.

It was cold
And the waves from the near sea tried to tear me from the window
I was at the beach. It was one of my favorite beaches and through my years of high school I'd walked it hundreds of times laughing and playing with my friends. It was cold where I was standing. My black jacket had melded to my body because of the cold slick wetness. I could feel my heart in my chest, It was a solid rythym, a steady beat. It wasn't panicked or quick it was solid and hard like a block of ice. My heart was cold.
I stood there watching them for another few seconds, he would go deep inside her making her moan. She would pull herself close to him and bite his chest all the while saying his name, beckoning him deeper inside of her.
I tapped the revolver on the window.
Three short raps. click.click.clack.
They freeze. Completly petrified with fear.
I doubt they can see me outside the window, the interior being a dense fog of sweat, humidity, and all sorts of other indescribables.
She starts to speak,
"What was that?"
"I don't know, who cares it's probably nothing."
"Im scared James," Mockingly,
"Will you be my big man and protect me?"
"I already am a big man."
They share a laugh together and then begin again.
I smile. There are tears in my eyes, it is a smile of defeat, a smile of denial, a smile of despair. Most importantly, my smile is of retribution.
I pace the back of the car thinking of the past four years and begin to laugh.
I remember all the times she fell asleep in my arms, the times she laughed with me, the times she cried with me, the times we cried together.
I think of all the things we've been through together all these years.
I laugh again.
I remember her telling me how much she loves me, I remember how just that afternoon she said she wanted to marry me. I remember the pain she put me through when she told me shed slept with James, and how she hated him so much and she never would ever do it again. I remember her telling me how much she hated herself for it. I remember many things.
I laugh.
Months ago, I see myself in a similar position, A friend told me what she had been doing.I confronted her and she more or less admitted it. I remember how mad I was and how hurt, how I never thought i'd trust her again. Then I think of this morning and how I thought everything was going to be just fine. How we really were going to be together.
I laugh.
I can't feel the cold anymore, I have become numb. I hear myself laughing in my head. My body has disconnected itself, it has gone onto auto pilot. I see myself knocking on the window again with the butt of the revolver. I see it gleam in the moonlight. I hear noise in my head it is SO LOUD. The sound is deafeaning I hear screams and shouts I hear cries of pain and anguish. I feel as if I am being ripped in two, In my head I see a life support system it is showing that the patient has died. I wonder who the patient is. Suddenly the screams return in my head I try to look out of my eyes but they are open but unseeing. I am ripped in half.
I am cold again. I smile and laugh.
I'm still smiling and laughing when the police arrive.