Let's write a story about Strippers!!

Sorry about that. Actually, you should be happy. I modelled the character of the rat carcass after you. I remember thinking, now what would encapsulate the character and personality of Drewdad? And immediately it hit me. Rat carcass!

What does the current incarnation of Eva Braun look like?

(Funny, guys! Now, get back to writing. )


Like all good strippers, Lacy recovered quickly. She ran for the green door, slamming it shut behind her. That must have been the wrong one!

She looked at the blue door, then the purple one. Which should she choose? Cautiously, her hand fell on the doorknob of the purple door and she opened it slowly and stepped inside. This room was identical to the first, and Iliketa's familiar face laughed at her from the mirror frame. She backed out of the door and shut it tightly, leaning against the door for a moment to catch her breath. Panicked, she glanced over at the blue door. It was her last chance.

Inside, she again found herself face-to-face with Iliketa. "You cannot avoid me," her lookalike laughed.

Lacy sighed. There was no escaping her. "Okay. I give up. What is it you want me to do?"

Meanwhile, back at the Cock & Doodle, Betcha took off her glasses and began cleaning them. There had been something familiar about that stripper she dropped off at P.R.I.C.K.'s deprogramming center. She just couldn't put her finger on it...unlike the lenses in her glasses which were covered with prints.

Splat! The spit hit the glasses from several feet down the bar. "There honey, thought you looked like you needed some help cleaning those up. Lemme introdouche myshelf. I'm Alotta, Alotta Fagina. I'm heresh waiting for my date, Dr. Evil".

Sure you are, thought Betcha. She does look familiar, though.

Outside the club, in an alley where the moon was afraid to shine, Nick slammed Igor against the concrete wall of the club.

"Now, look, kid," he muttered in a low growl, "I don't know what youse are up to, but I want youse outta here right now. I don't wanna see youse around my strippers again."

Nick's eyes grew dangerously dark. "And there's one lady in there you better be sure to stay away from.....and that's Betcha Chokondik. Capeche? Coz' I like that broad real bad. And I don't want her upset. Now get outta here, kid."

With that, Nick released his grip on Igor, who took off running down the alley and around the corner.

Nick gazed after him. "Yeah, Betcha's back now," Nick said softly, his eyes suddenly misting. "This could be my one last chance......my one last chance for.......love."

Nick shook his head. "What the hell am I sayin' here?" he wondered. "I gotta stop drinking them cosmopolitans." Still shaking his head, Nick returned to the club.

Two or three streets away, Igor stopped to catch his breath. He'd been running faster than Hilter used to on his little exercise wheel.

"Damn!" He said in self-disgust. "I've got to go back! I haven't carried out mein führer's orders!"

A nearby hairdresser's distracted him. I could get those highlights, he thought.

Meanwhile, Lacy came to and gazed back into Iliketa's soulful yet cold eyes. "Here, drink this", she commanded.

"What -- what is it?" asked Lacy, getting her bearings. The room was evidently a large lab, with all manner of equipment and what looked like huge stereo speakers. Lacy tried to move but was strapped to a gurney.

"It's my own special blend of mint tea, fryolator grease, baby oil, cabbage soup and blended spam. I call it a 'Chokondik Forever'. I. P. loves it."

"Uh, no thanks. Um, why am I here, Iliketa?"

"You'll wanna 'Chokondik Forever' soon enough, Lacy. For this is the room where we do the hardcore deprogramming. And you're definitely hardcore, Sister."

"I was -- I didn't even try to be here. Betcha just threw me out of the limo."

"Because she thought you were me. Her plan all along has been to infiltrate the S.W.I.V.E.L.I.N.G. H.I.P.S. and bring it down from the outside, in. She thought I was leading a secret double life as a stripper but the reality is that I. P. and I run this place. And once you're deprogrammed, you can help run it, too. You see, I. P.'s taken quite a shine to you. I think he's always had a kind of twin fantasy and so you're just the ticket -- once we get your head screwed on straight."

"Where -- where is he? You talk a lot about him Iliketa, but," here Lacy was thinking fast, maybe I. P. could help her if she sweet-talked him somehow. It was worth a shot, particularly as a large instrument with a huge needle was poised over her head as she lay strapped down, "but is I. P. here?"

"I. P. everywhere." said Iliketa's assistant, stepping out of the shadows briefly. She was dressed in a lab coat and little else, and holding what looked like an enormous phonograph record.

"What -- what are you going to do with that?" gasped Lacy.

Iliketa positioned the record on Lacy's impossibly flat abdomen, then lowered the needle, which became a giant tone arm. "We're going to play you until you talk." She put down the needle, which skipped a little, and then the record began to play.

Little did they all know that a giant meteor was hurtling towards earth at ten thousand times the speed of sound. Virtually all life on earth would be destroyed in less than twenty minutes.

But since sound doesn't travel in space, the meteor disappeared in a puff of logic.

Lacey stared up at the clear night sky. The sudden appearance of a meteor startled her, but as quicky as it came, it was gone (like most of the men in her life). "I really need to get back out in the wilderness", she thought to herself, "I miss the spirit of the wild".

A few states away, the sky opened up and giant balls of fire, some as big as basketballs, began raining down upon the earth. The firestorm began on the coast, and worked its way across the land.destroying all in it's path. Cities were burned to cinders and ash within minutes. The firestorm was on its way to the small town where lived our doomed heroes--strippers, freaks and criminals alike would be incinerated within minutes.

All the whores started running around screaming "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD....EVERYTHING'S ON THE HOUSE!"

Gus stops and peers up at the roof.