Paris Hilton Fully Rehabilitated

Written by NickFun

Jail officials, psychologists and even Paris Hilton herself proclaim that she has been fully rehabilitated and is no longer a threat to society.

"I have seen remarkable progress in Ms Hilton", said Captain Alice Scott, Warden of the Century Regional Detention Center in Los Angeles. "I think she may be able to rejoin society when she leaves here".

"Our program has been a total success", said Jail Psychologist Anthony Greenberg. "We have been treating her with a combination of psychotropic drugs, anti-depressants, valium and, of course, counseling. She is not the same evil person she was when she came in".

Ms Hilton claims that she has decided to make some profound changes to her life. "I want to get fat like Sally Struthers then go to Peru and help starving children", she said from her jail hospital bed. "Maybe I'll even run for President or get a job at a day care center".

Greenberg says it's rare that women emerge from jail without returning to a life of crime. "The recidivism rate is usually very high. But I think Paris will be able to become a productive member of society simply, if for no other reason, because she can afford to."

Greenberg later explained that Ms Hilton's $300 million net worth should allow her live a comfortable lifestyle without returning to her life of crime.

Some of the other prison inmates said they will be lonely after Paris leaves.

"She's a hot piece of ass", said fellow inmate Yvette Washington.