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Mon 11 Jun, 2007 10:56 pm
Written by NickFun
A Study commissioned by Congress promoting abstinence only programs has proven completely ineffective in preventing or delaying teenagers from having sexual intercourse. Therefore, President Bush has set the minimum age for puberty at 18 for all U.S. youth.
"The problem is that teenagers are going through puberty at much younger ages than they did 30 years ago", Bush stated. "Therefore, I have signed legislation setting the minimum age for puberty at 18". I am sick and tired of hearing about children going through school with bad grades simply because of this puberty thing."
Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. said that with proper hormonal treatment puberty can be delayed indefinitely. "Desperate time call for desperate measures", Moritsugu stated. "By delaying puberty we can prevent children from having sex, reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and eliminate the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases".
"I have seen girls as young as nine with breasts and pubic hair", Moritsugu continued. "And I have heard anecdotal reports of boys that age getting erections. Mr. Bush and I agree that we must set a definite limit before it gets totally out of control".
Doctors and scientists do not fully understand why children are going through puberty so young though there is a consensus that the only way to stop it from happening is medical intervention.
"We will increase border patrols to prevent young people from going to Canada or Mexico for puberty", said Homeland Security Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell.
Not everyone favored the change to the puberty age. "If he pulls this off I'm leaving the country", said New York Pharmacist and father of three John Bakerman.
Bush did say that children who have already started will be allowed to keep their puberty, albeit in a more hormonally balanced way.
The Bill is expected to be approved by the House but may face a opposition from the hornier, Democratically controlled Senate.
Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.
Brilliant stuff, Nick, congratulations.
I'm still waiting for my puberty.
Quote:Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. said that with proper hormonal treatment puberty can be delayed indefinitely.
Indefinitely? But, what will Seniors do in their Nursing Homes for recreation (!) if they've received a big dose of "proper hormonal treatment"?
Ahaha. I really enjoyed this. Especially the bit about the Senate.
Brilliant, Nick! Simply brilliant!
Thank you Merry! Thank you all!
Nick, get on the radio, read your story and wait until the country goes into a panic, indicating of the public's lack of surprise at anything the Shrub decides he wants.
Great writing!
Thanks Diane but I already have a huge FBI/Homeland Security file. Ah, what the hell! A bigger file couldn't hurt!
Well you are in the most excellent company--old J. Edgar was keeping an eye on Dys for a few years. Understandable really, since Dys was a member of C.O.R.E. and before that, worked with Ceasar Chavez. He was one of those suspicious characters who helped people to vote and to organize.
Wanna bet old J. Edgar got off on that?
J Edgar was known to have a dope sheet on all government emplyees including the president, and was not shy about using that information to his advantage.
It just hit me how opposite the two Edgar's are. Our own Edgar here on a2k and the perverted Edgar of the F.B.I.
Nice to know there are really good guys to balance out the evil of the bad guys.
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